


I’m Gonna Love You Too

by mcshinwon



Series: Everyday [2]
Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Polyamory, Purgatory, Sequel, Slow Burn, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, alternating povs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:28:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 79,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25842826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcshinwon/pseuds/mcshinwon
Summary: Trapped in a different dimension with Changgu, things couldn’t possibly get any worse for Shinwon, but then again they always find a way. Now he has to grapple with the fact that he’s separated from everything he knows and loves and find a way to get back home. If only things were that easy.Watching Shinwon disappear before their eyes was terrifying, and trying to pick up the pieces afterwards was even more terrifying. Now Yanan keeps finding clues left by Shinwon, but he has no idea how to get him back to them or if it’s even possible.*This is a sequel to ‘That’ll Be The Day’ so don’t read this until you’ve read that, otherwise it won’t make sense!!
Relationships: Kang Hyunggu | Kino/Ko Shinwon, Kang Hyunggu | Kino/Ko Shinwon/Lee Hwitaek | Hui, Kang Hyunggu | Kino/Ko Shinwon/Yan An, Kang Hyunggu | Kino/Lee Hwitaek | Hui, Kang Hyunggu | Kino/Yan An, Ko Shinwon/Lee Hwitaek | Hui, Ko Shinwon/Yan An, Ko Shinwon/Yeo Changgu | Yeo One, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Everyday [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875226
Comments: 121
Kudos: 141





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *This is a sequel to ‘That’ll Be The Day’ so don’t read this until you’ve read that, otherwise it won’t make sense!!

“I should have killed you when I had the chance.”

Shinwon blinked absently at the face hovering above his. His entire body was screaming in pain and he felt like somebody had stuffed his brain through a blender. If he was dead, he highly doubted he would be in so much pain. He was laying on a dusty concrete floor. It was cracked and he was vaguely aware of the plants that had taken over the building, growing through the cracks and up the walls. There wasn’t much in the way of furniture; anything that remained was in disrepair. It took him a moment to realize that he was in _The Vinyl Countdown,_ or at least a version of it. 

Ash floated through the air, but it didn’t seem to be coming from anywhere. There was a dim light streaming through the windows from outside, but it didn’t look like sunlight or moonlight. It didn’t look quite like anything natural. It was a dull reddish glow that cast the room in a murky hue. 

And that face was still looking down at him. He could feel his eyes drilling holes into his head. They were dark and wild and Shinwon couldn’t tell if it was fear he saw or anger. Maybe it was something else entirely.

“Well, you didn’t.”

He pushed himself up off of the ground, brushing the dust and dirt and ash off. His body screamed in protest, but he didn’t want to continue laying on the ground helplessly. He reached for his wand when he found it laying near him on the ground, but he had a feeling it wouldn’t be much use anymore. Any energy that had been channeled through it before was long gone and the previously pale wood had blackened like it’d been burnt. It looked like it was unraveling and would fall apart at the slightest movement. Even if it was rendered useless, Shinwon kept it. As far as he was concerned, it was the only thing he had from home. It was the only thing that might help him get back. 

He didn’t so much as cast a glance at Changgu as he pocketed his wand and made his way towards the door, opening it. Outside, the air was cold. Not frigid, just cold. It smelled like decay. 

“Where are you going?”

“Anywhere but here.” 

He heard footsteps behind him and saw Changgu following behind him. 

“What the hell are you doing.”

“It’s your fault we’re trapped here. I wanna stick with you just in case you figure out how to undo this mess,” he said simply.

“And why would I help you?” Shinwon stopped in his tracks. He’d made it halfway down the stairs and Changgu stared down at him with a blank expression. “You’re the reason we’re in this mess. You’re the reason for every bad thing that has happened to me so far.”

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say-“

“You can blame Hyunggu and Hui and whatever silly reasons all you want, but at the end of the day, everything you did to all of us? That was your call Changgu. That was your fucking choice. It’s nobody’s fault but your own.”

“And what was the point of this?” Changgu gestured vaguely at their surroundings. “What the hell were any of you trying to accomplish? I don’t know much about magic but I do know that opening a portal to Purgatory isn’t the best way to solve problems.”

“Oh? And what would _you_ suggest?” Shinwon’s voice grew louder. It echoed between the empty buildings, sticking out in the overall quiet of the place, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “What would _you_ do if some sick freak was trying to kill you and use you to get back at someone over some dumbass grudge that happened centuries ago? What would _you_ do if you never knew if you’d be safe because you were always afraid of being followed or kidnapped again or compelled or who knows what else? What would _you_ do if someone was trying to take you away from everyone you know and love and terrorizing them at the same time? I’d really like your input, Changgu. Really. Please do enlighten me.” 

Shinwon’s words hung in the air. For a moment, he thought that Changgu might try to argue more, but the other remained silent.

“That’s what I fucking thought,” he said, before turning around and continuing the rest of the way down the stairs. He wasn’t surprised to hear Changgu’s footsteps following him quietly. He was like a shadow. One that Shinwon desperately wanted removed.

He wasn’t sure what the worst part of the whole situation was: the fact that he was trapped in a different dimension and had no way of telling the people he loved that he was okay, or the fact that he was trapped in a different dimension with the one person he’d been trying to escape. Instead of breaking his bond with Changgu, he’d broken his bond with Hui and Hyunggu. He could feel the loss of it hanging heavily over him. It was like a part of his soul had been carved out, and replaced with a void. And as much as he hated Changgu, he couldn’t help but feel pulled to him like metal to a magnet. He had the sneaking suspicion that without Changgu’s presence, he might spiral completely. He knew it was cruel, but he only hoped Changgu was suffering just as much as he was.

He began walking down the street without any destination in mind. It was eerie. He glanced up at the sky and saw that it was a muddy red. He didn’t see any sun in the sky nor any stars or moons. Just the same dull glow that had lit the inside of the shop. There were a few clouds in the sky, but they looked more like the haze of pollution rather than something that might actually provide any rain. The street was almost completely deserted. Occasionally, Shinwon thought he caught a figure watching them, but anytime he turned to get a closer look, he saw nobody.

So this was Purgatory.

“Where are we?”

Shinwon was broken out of his daze by Changgu’s voice. He thought it’d been well established where they were, and he turned to face the other to say just that but he spoke again.

“Like this place specifically. You wandered, I followed. What is usually here?”

Shinwon looked around. They’d wandered off of the street long ago and were now in a dense forest. The underbrush was overgrown so high that it reached their knees. Rising out of it was a dilapidated building. Maybe it’d once been a home or a cottage, but now it was in ruins. Still, even in its state and the darkness, Shinwon recognized it. 

“It doesn’t matter. It’s shelter, isn’t it?”

Maybe he could figure out a way to contact someone. Maybe there was at least something of substance inside that carried over from their world. He could only hope. He walked up to the building, pushing the door open. It creaked loudly, but the inside looked deserted. Dirty, but untouched. He wasn’t sure if anyone had been there. He absently trailed his finger across the thick layer of dust and ash that coated the table before frowning and wiping it off. The furniture inside was in disrepair, but most of it seemed to be there and at least somewhat intact. Everything else seemed to be gone though. The shelves were devoid of any of the books or crystals or other trinkets that usually lined them and the walls were bare of any photos or paintings. It was a ghost of the world of the living and nothing more. 

Changgu lingered in the doorway awkwardly. He didn’t have to be a genius to know that the place clearly held importance to Shinwon. Thankfully, he held his tongue. 

“I’m going to rest. Don’t bother me unless something happens,” Shinwon said before making his way down the hallway and slamming the door shut behind him. 

Yanan’s room looked eerily similar to how it did in their world. He usually didn’t keep too many extra things inside and most of the furniture was in decent enough condition. It was dusty and the bed creaked as Shinwon moved to sit on it, but it held sturdy. He pulled out his wand and stared at it again in the gloom. He willed energy to come to him - anything that might help him let them know he was alive - but he felt nothing. He could sit and stare at his hands for hours on end, but he had a feeling that it would take time for things to return to as they were. He only hoped that the block on his magic was temporary. 

When he laid back, he felt the weight of the situation crushing him. He was in purgatory. He had no way of knowing if he’d ever get back to the world of the living. The others had no way of knowing if he was even alive. He couldn’t even bring himself to cry. Maybe he was too proud to cry in front of Changgu. Maybe the hopelessness of the situation was too overwhelming for tears. Likely, it was a combination of both. He shut his eyes, willing sleep to come. 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he was roused by a hand gently shaking his shoulder. It could have been minutes or it could have been days for all he cared. All he knew was that he opened his eyes to see Changgu staring at him in the gloom, a frown on his face. 

“What?”

“We should get going. I’m…” he looked away staring at the floor. “It doesn’t matter… but we should really get going.”

“How long has it been?”

Changgu shrugged. “A few hours. Maybe a day. It’s hard to tell when nothing about this place ever changes.”

“Fine… just let me check something quick,” Shinwon said, rolling out of the bed and pushing Changgu out of the way as he made his way towards the bathroom.

“The water doesn’t run. I checked…”

“That’s not what I’m doing, shut up for a minute,” Shinwon sighed. He stepped into the room. The mirror was coated in dust and grime but otherwise, it was intact. He found an old rag and began scrubbing at the surface. He was aware of Changgu’s eyes on him, but he didn’t want to explain himself. He still felt no trace of his magic, but he’d watched enough sci-fi to hope that maybe there might be some sort of loophole. 

When he’d gotten the surface as clean as he could, he sighed against it until it clouded up from his breath. Then he pressed his finger against the glass and moved it across the surface quickly. 

“Is that how they found us that time?”

“Not exactly. I used magic then, but right now I’m not. But it’ll have to work,” Shinwon said with a sigh as he stepped back. He didn’t meet Changgu’s eyes as he brushed past him. “Let’s go.” 

* * *

Shinwon would never admit it but he was thankful for Changgu’s presence for once. He’d been pushing the thought of food to the back of his head for so long that he barely paid the deer any attention. That was until it had wandered close enough to them and Changgu had charged at it, swiftly snapping its neck. The sound of bones crunching brought back memories that Shinwon wanted to forget, but then he realized what the other was doing.

“Do you know how to build a fire? Because I don’t.”

“Yeah, but you’re gonna help me carry this thing,” Changgu said.

“Can’t you carry it on your own just fine? You know, with all that vampire strength?”

“Yeah, but I’m not your servant. Get to work if you wanna eat.” 

Shinwon sighed, but moved to lift the animal up by one end. It was heavy and he still had no access to his magic. He wished he could just make it levitate, and it was more irritating when he thought about the fact that it took Changgu little to no effort to hold it up. They shuffled further through the underbrush until Changgu found a spot that he deemed suitable enough to build a fire. 

“I assume you have no idea how to do any of this, so I suggest you start collecting firewood.”

Shinwon didn’t like the challenge or the condescension in Changgu’s voice, but he was tired and hungry. He had no idea how long they’d been in Purgatory. It could have been a couple days or a couple weeks for all he knew. He didn’t even wince when Changgu knelt over the corpse and sank his teeth into it. He remembered Hui and Hyunggu mentioning that it was possible to feed from animals, but he also remembered them saying that it was gross and there was next to nothing in terms of nutritional value. It wasn’t like there was much in terms of other options though. He tore his eyes away and turned to scan the underbrush for wood that might be suitable.

He didn’t exactly have any survival training. It’d been a wonder he’d managed to keep himself functioning in the time they’d already been there. He did, however, have enough common sense to know that most of the wood he was coming across was useless. It was damp. Everything was damp. It hadn’t rained once since they got stuck there, but it didn’t seem to matter. Just their luck, he supposed. He picked up a piece of wood, trying to feel for anything. Even the tiniest spark of magic would be a blessing at this point. 

And it was there, glimmering weakly. He doubted it was enough to do anything, but he gripped it tightly anyways. He brought his focus back to the wood he held, trying to focus his mind on the water inside of it. There was no way it was going to work. He’d practiced plenty with earth and fire magic, but done little to nothing in the way of water or air. He’d never gotten the opportunity to try. He felt sweat beginning to form on his forehead as he continued to focus. His head was spinning a little, and he was worried that the small grasp he had might completely slip away. 

It didn’t. 

He wasn’t sure when he felt the breakthrough, but all he knew was that his head had stopped spinning and everything suddenly felt more clear than it’d been in days. He willed the water out of the wood, watching as little droplets began to float through the cracks in it. He was hyper aware of everything within it and he could feel when it was time for him to stop. He released his grip on the magic and watched as the droplets fell into the dirt around his feet. His head spun from the exertion. 

One piece down, however many more to go. 

* * *

When Shinwon stumbled back to the clearing, arms full of wood, Changgu stared at him incredulously. 

“Where the hell did you get that? Everything is soaked.”

“You mean you sent me off to get wood, knowing that it’d be a pain in the ass?” 

Changgu shrugged, but gestured for him to bring it over. Shinwon unceremoniously dropped the stack at the other’s feet. He tried not to think about the carcass on the ground. Somehow, in the time he’d been gone, Changgu had managed to remove the fur and skin, breaking it apart into pieces small enough that it wouldn’t take all night to cook. It stunk and Changgu’s hands were covered in blood. Shinwon fought the urge to gag.

“I used magic to get the water out of it. Don’t expect much though, because I almost passed out from it,” Shinwon finally answered. Changgu said nothing in reply, simply nodding. He turned to the stack of wood, beginning to arrange some of the pieces into something that’d hopefully pass as a campfire. Shinwon plopped down onto the ground, laying back and letting his eyes shut. His limbs felt heavy from the use of magic. Resting his eyes for a few moments couldn’t hurt.

* * *

When he woke up next, the fire was crackling loudly and Shinwon could smell cooking meat. He blinked sleep out of his eyes as he sat up. Changgu was holding a branch over the fire and he’d somehow managed to get meat skewered onto it, twisting it every so often to make sure it was evenly cooked. Next to him, he had a small pile of meat he’d already cooked forming and on his other side was meat that had been prepped. 

“I don’t suppose you have any spells for preserving any of this? Surely you don’t plan on eating a whole deer.”

Shinwon shook his head. He felt bad for the loss of an animal’s life and even worse for the fact that they were wasting most of it. He wished they’d come across a rabbit or something instead, but then again, Changgu needed the blood. His stomach churned at the thought of it. 

“Well? Are you gonna eat anything? I’m not a great cook, but I can promise you that I didn’t poison it.”

“Yeah…” Shinwon trailed off. He reached for a piece of meat, frowning at it, He’d tried venison before, but it wasn’t his favorite. Neither was the idea of however the hell Changgu had managed to dismember it in the time he’d been gone, but he supposed that some things were better left unknown. He bit into it. It was still warm, and it was cooked well. Maybe even a little too well. It was dry and chewy in his mouth and he wanted to gag but he forced himself to swallow it and keep eating. 

It was one of those situations where he didn’t realize how hungry he’d been until he actually started eating something. He looked down at the meat with a frown before taking another bite, forcing the taste and texture to the back of his mind. He ate in silence, aware of Changgu’s eyes on him the whole time. He felt hungry but he was only able to stomach a few pieces, and he had a feeling that he’d make himself sick if he tried eating more. 

“Thank you..” he said after a long while.

“We should get going and find shelter. I’m exhausted,” Changgu said in response. Shinwon nodded, getting up and helping him put out the fire. He tried to will his magic back to him to speed up the process, but whatever he’d managed earlier had taken a lot out of him. His head spun and he wasn’t able to get a grasp on anything. It took far longer than either of them wanted to get the fire out completely, but then they began walking again.

Always walking. 

It’d only been days, but Shinwon yearned for some sort of familiarity. Instead, they just walked and rested when they needed to. They still hadn’t come across anyone else and it wasn’t like him and Changgu were exactly on speaking terms. Shinwon was tired and sore and he missed Hui and Hyunggu and Yanan and everybody else. He wondered how long they would go on like this for. How long they’d be just surviving on the bare minimum. 

* * *

They’d fallen asleep in a gas station, curled up behind the counter. The shelves were barren of anything they could use, but they had both come to expect as much. It was the first building they’d found in what felt like days. Maybe it was a gas station, but they were both tired and needed rest, and who knew how long it’d be before they found shelter. They shouldn’t have walked far enough that the area would be unfamiliar, but Shinwon got the feeling that there was something more to Purgatory than it simply being a parallel dimension. It felt like the landscape around them was constantly changing and shifting without either of them noticing. All they could do was wander hopelessly.

When Shinwon woke up, it was to the shuffling of footsteps and Changgu’s head heavily leaning on his shoulder as he continued to snore. He blinked, trying to make sense of the sound. By the time he processed that it meant someone else was present in the room, he was face to face with a familiar figure.

“What the hell are you doing here?” They spoke in unison. 

Taeyang peered down at Shinwon incredulously. For a moment, he couldn’t even process how he was there, but then he noticed the way that his body seemed to shimmer in the air as if he was being cast there by a faulty screen projector. 

“You’re dead.”

“And you’re not. Why are you here? And why is _he_ here?” 

“I’m not supposed to be…” Shinwon trailed off. He looked at Changgu. How was the asshole still asleep. Part of him was tempted to shake the other awake, but it was nice not having to deal with his commentary for once. “We were trying to send him here to sever the bond he made with me. He pulled me through at the last minute though, so it was obviously a lost cause,” Shinwon sighed. 

Taeyang tilted his head as he peered at Shinwon. He felt like he was being dissected under the other’s skeptical gaze, but he said nothing. “Well, welcome to Purgatory. Don’t get too comfortable,” Taeyang said after a long moment, and then he was turning around and walking back towards the door.

“Wait…”

He turned and faced Shinwon.

“Is there… is there any way to get back home?”

“Not that I’ve ever heard of,” the bell rang as the door shut behind Taeyang. Shinwon stood up, letting Changgu drop to the floor, but by the time he reached the door, Taeyang had vanished into thin air. From behind the counter, he heard Changgu sigh. 


	2. Chapter 2

Yanan’s ears were ringing. He was aware of people shouting. In front of him, Hyunggu was clawing at the floor. Hyojong was lying unconscious on the ground, his arm twisted at an unsightly angle. Hyuna was sitting over him, her lips moving as tears pooled in her eyes, energy flowing from her into him. Shinwon was gone.

“I can’t feel him. I can’t feel him anymore,” Hyunggu’s voice cracked. He kept touching the floor as if somehow Shinwon would reappear before them. It made Yanan’s heart shatter. 

He was aware of _Should I Stay or Should I Go_ playing in the background and it took him a moment to realize that it was Shinwon’s phone ringing. He stood up, shakily making his way to it, reaching for it and staring at the caller ID.

“Shinwon?” Hui’s voice came from the other end of the line, tight and panicked before Yanan could even inhale.

“He’s… he’s not here,” Yanan said softly. He didn’t trust himself to speak any louder or the weight of the situation might come crashing down on him. 

“Where is he? What happened to him,” he could hear Hui’s voice rising, threatening to break. He could hear the sound of him pressing on the accelerator harder through the phone.

“Changgu… He pulled him through.”

“What do you mean.”

“Last second. As the gateway was about to close. Changgu pulled Shinwon in.” The words felt alien on Yanan’s lips, as if he were lying, as if none of it had actually happened. 

“I can’t feel him anymore. Is he… please tell me he’s still alive. Please.” Hui’s voice was quiet now. Yanan was almost positive he could hear the other choking back tears on the other end of the line, or maybe he was already crying. 

Yanan shook his head, staring at the floor. “I can’t. I don’t know what might have happened to him… I…” Yanan’s thoughts clouded over as he tried to wrap his mind around the situation. He had to be okay. He had to. But there was no way to know for sure, and it’d take a miracle to open another gateway. 

He heard Hui curse, and the sound of him punching something. Then the other was quiet. “He… he can’t be gone.” His voice was barely audible. Yanan looked over at Hyunggu. The other had stopped clawing at the floor, but he hadn’t moved. He sat still, his gaze fixed on the spot that Shinwon had been in, his eyes vacant. 

Across the room, Hyojong cried out in pain as Hyuna continued to mend his broken arm. 

* * *

Nobody wanted to say what they feared, but as the days passed, they all silently began to fear the same thing. Shinwon was dead. They all put on a mask of hopefulness with each other, and Yanan would be damned if he’d ever stop pouring over spell books, searching for a way to bring him back, but it felt hopeless. He’d been the key to opening Purgatory in the first place. Even if he was alive there, how were they supposed to open another gateway without him? It was the raw buildup of magic within him that made any of it possible. No amount of experience or intuition could replace the extensive natural ability and access to magic that Shinwon had. Even Hyuna, with her centuries of experience and relationship with magic, wasn’t strong enough to pull off such a feat on her own. It was a spell that needed every piece in order to work. Just one person short was enough to render it useless. 

Everybody was on edge. Hui and Hyunggu’s home had become a mess as everybody collectively decided it was the best place to try to come up with some sort of plan. They had the most space so everybody was able to fit with ease. Upstairs, Yanan helped Hui sift through his library. He had so many old books and more than a few of them concerned magic. If there was any chance that he might have something helpful, then it would be worth it. Downstairs, Hyuna and Hyojong had more or less set up camp, bringing over books and maps and searching through the internet to try to find ways to contact old friends. Maybe somebody might know something they didn’t. Maybe there was hope yet. 

But any sense of hope that Yanan might have felt evaporated every time he passed by Hyunggu. The other had been quiet since everything had happened, only speaking when he was spoken to, and even then, he said the bare minimum. He helped them search for answers, but Yanan could tell that he was only going through the motions. He didn’t have to have Hyunggu’s ability for feeling people out to know that he was numb. 

“He’s been taking it really hard. I think the hardest of any of us,” Hui said softly from the stool he was balancing on as he reached for a stack of books on the top shelf. “I think it has to do with his abilities, but he told me that when… when the gateway closed he felt like part of him had physically been torn off. The pain was too much, so instead, he shut off his feelings.”

“You can do that?” 

Hui shrugged, but nodded. “It’s… not many like to do it because our emotions make us alive. They’re what make us feel human. He’s one of the last people I’d expect to do it, but I don’t blame him. I think he just needs time.”

Yanan nodded before returning his gaze to the shelf in front of him. He pulled a couple of thick tomes off of it, opening them and glancing through the pages before setting them in a small pile of books he would bring down to Hyuna. “We’ll find a way to get him back, okay? I’m not giving up yet.” 

Hui nodded, staring down at the book in his hand before shaking his head and laughing weakly.

“What?”

“He read this book, you know? He read it when Changgu had him the first time. I forgot I even had a copy. All this time, and I still haven’t read it,” Hui said, before tossing the book to Yanan. He stared at the cover with a frown. _Despair._ “He hated it. He said the narrator was a real asshole. He must have been really bored to have read the whole thing.”

“Sometimes the most compelling stories are the ones where you’re pissed at the narrator the entire time,” Yanan said with a sigh. He gently set the book off to the side before looking towards the pile in front of him again. Most of the books left were novels, and the ones that weren’t were biographies. He’d exhausted the shelf of anything that might be helpful. “I’m gonna take these down to Hyuna,” he reached for the pile he’d made, carefully balancing the books in his arms.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Go home, okay? You need to get some rest.”

“I can rest here-“

“No you can’t. I know you ‘Nannie. If you stay here, you’ll just end up working yourself until you pass out. Please,” Hui’s expression was pleading. 

“I… okay. Fine, I’ll try to rest, but if I end up here sooner than you want, don’t be surprised.”

“Just promise me you’ll at least try, okay?”

“Okay,” Yanan said, nodding before backing out of the room. He was tired and he could feel the exhaustion tugging at his body. It’d been almost a week since everything happened and he could count the hours of sleep he’d gotten on one hand. He didn’t like it, but Hui was right. 

As he made his way downstairs, Hyuna was sitting on the floor, her hair pulled out of her face as her eyes scanned the pages of the book in her lap. Hyojong was on the couch, phone held up to his ear as he wrote something down in a notebook. 

“Thank you so much. I’ll call him right away. Mmhm. Bye,” he pulled the phone away only to immediately begin dialing another number.

“I found these upstairs. I hope they can be helpful,” Yanan said as he gently set the stack of books on the coffee table. 

“Thank you,” Hyuna said without looking up, flipping to the next page of the book.

“I need to go. Hui wants me to get some rest.”

“You better actually plan on resting, Yanan.”

“I will.”

“If you don’t, I’ll personally come after you.”

“I know,” he laughed weakly. “Hopefully some rest will give me a clear head.”

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“We’ll find him. I know we will,” Hyuna’s voice left no room for argument. 

“I hope you’re right,” Yanan said. Hyuna gave him a sad smile. He could see the exhaustion clear in her eyes. She’d probably gotten less sleep than him, and while he knew that vampires could go on for longer, he also knew they still had limits. “You better get some rest too.”

“Don’t you worry about me. I’ve gone much longer without proper rest,” she said, laughing. 

“I’ll take your word for it,” Yanan gave her a small smile before he backed out of the room. As soon as he climbed into his car, his shoulders slumped and his expression fell. He’d been putting on a strong front for everybody and doing his best to be optimistic, but alone, the hopelessness he felt came crashing down on him. It felt suffocating. He put his keys in the ignition.

The drive home was over too quick. He stood outside, his hand hovering over his doorknob. He hadn’t been home since Shinwon disappeared. It felt like going inside would somehow make things even more true, like somehow it meant accepting that things might not go back to the way they were. He wasn’t sure how much time passed before he sighed, shaking his head before unlocking the door and stepping past the threshold. 

It was exactly how he’d left it; there was a blanket half on the couch, half on the floor. The book Hyunggu had been reading lay open, face down on the table. There was a half full mug of coffee that he’d never gotten the chance to finish. 

“Please come back to me…” Yanan whispered. He could feel his throat burning and tears threatening to form. Alone, he didn’t have to have his guard up. Alone, he didn’t have to act strong to keep the others from worrying. Alone, he was able to crumble completely. He let himself sink down to the floor, leaning back against the door and burying his face in his hands. “I need you, Shinwon. Please be safe…”

Eventually, he pulled himself off of the floor. His body was sore and he was exhausted, but he needed to at least shower before he’d let himself rest. He knew that Shinwon would scold him if he stopped taking care of himself entirely. He might not have been able to do much for the moment, but he was able to do that at the very least. He shuffled to his bathroom, turning on the shower and checking the temperature before peeling off his clothes. The water was almost too hot, just barely teetering on the edge, but that was how he preferred it. He stepped under the water, letting it cover him. He could breathe just fine, but he felt like he was drowning. 

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there staring at his feet before his brain finally registered that he’d gotten in there for a reason. He absently reached for the bottle of shampoo, squeezing out the last bit that remained; he’d forgotten he needed to buy more and he was lucky that he had enough for the moment. He lathered it into his hair before letting the water rinse it out, and then he reached for the soap. He frowned as he watched the soap foam and then turn a muddy color as he scrubbed away the dust and the dirt. He was a mess in all meanings of the word and he wasn’t sure how anyone had let him let go of himself so badly. Then again, everybody else was probably more worried about getting Shinwon back than taking care of themselves, just like he was. 

When he finally turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel to dry himself off, the air was still thick with steam. He towel dried his hair and then reached to wipe some of the steam off of his mirror, but his hand froze just short of the glass. He dropped his towel, blinking at the surface and trying to make sense of what he was seeing. 

_I’m Alive._

It was written on the surface as if someone had drawn on it with their finger while it was covered in steam, but Yanan was never one to have a habit of doing that, and he knew that the others weren’t either. It had to be Shinwon. The only question was how.

He knew that Purgatory was linked to their world to some degree. As far as he knew, it existed parallel to them. Although it wasn’t easy to cross over between worlds, it was possible. It was much easier for it to happen by accident than intentionally, though. Usually when it happened, it resulted in ghosts ending up stuck in their world. 

Still, crossing into Purgatory had severed Shinwon’s bond with both Hui and Hyunggu and they both had taken the hit hard. There wasn’t any way Shinwon’s magic should be able to reach across that boundary, and Yanan had a feeling that crossing over had probably messed with his ability to access it. Opening the gateway had been hard enough on Yanan and Hyuna, so there was no telling what it might have done to him. 

He scrambled to grab his phone, surprised that it still had any charge on it, dialing Hyuna’s number quickly.

“It doesn’t seem like you’re resting,” her voice came from the other end of the line. He could hear the scolding in her tone, but it didn’t matter. Not right then. 

“Purgatory. How linked is it to here?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I know it’s like parallel to this world, but is it linked in more ways than that?”

“It’s hard to tell… there’s not a lot of information in books about Purgatory because it’s not exactly easy to study. Is everything okay, ‘Nannie?”

“It’s him. Shinwon. He’s alive…” Yanan laughed, and he was sure he sounded hysterical, but it didn’t matter. Maybe there was something he could do.

“Slow down, honey. What did you find.”

“I took a shower, and when I got out there was a message on my mirror. It said ‘I’m Alive’. It has to be him, right?” 

“I… It must have been, but I don’t know how. As far as I know, communication magic doesn’t work through dimensions…”

“That’s what I was thinking too. Do you think that Purgatory is more closely tied to here than we thought? What’s that show he likes… I think it’s like that…”

“ _Stranger Things?_ It could be similar… like how they communicate with the lights and stuff, yeah? I’ll keep digging and see what I can find. Thank you for calling me, Yanan. That actually might help us figure more out…”

“You think so?”

“We might not know of a way to get him back but Hyojong was talking to Seonghwa before you left. He knows someone who might know more about Purgatory. We’ll take any information we can get…” he heard Hyuna sigh on the other end of the line, “Thank God he’s alive. I just hope he’s safe…”

“You and me both,” Yanan said. His eyes hadn’t left the mirror, and the letters had begun to fade as the steam dissipated. If Shinwon was alive, then that meant Changgu must be there too. If he dared to put Shinwon in harm’s way more than he already had… Yanan’s grip tightened around his phone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these first few chapters are kinda short!! It’s kinda slow in setting everything up so there’s not tons of exciting things happening yet !! It’ll pick up soon though, I promise kdjfhksdjgh


	3. Chapter 3

Shinwon’s ears were ringing. He could hear the muffled voice of someone speaking to him and he squinted in the darkness at the figure hovering over him. He blinked, trying to decipher what they were saying and then his brain finally started to catch up.

“Shinwon. Wake up. We need to go,” Changgu was too close for comfort. His hand was resting on Shinwon’s cheek. Shinwon stared at him in confusion before shoving the hand away and sitting up.

“Why? I barely slept.”

“I can hear someone nearby. I don’t wanna take any chances,” Changgu said. His voice was soft but Shinwon could hear the tension in it. He sighed, shaking his head before pulling himself to his feet.

“I’m tired.”

“You and me both.”

“What are we even trying to accomplish?”

Changgu stared at him in bewilderment. “What do you mean? Don’t you wanna get out of here? Isn’t your goal to find a way home?”

Shinwon shrugged, staring at his feet. He wanted to go home. He wanted to desperately. He just wanted the familiarity of his bed, of Hui and Hyunggu and Yanan, of his favorite coffee and of his music and his books. But it felt hopeless. He only vaguely understood Purgatory, and he still had tons to learn in the way of magic. He didn’t know how the hell he was supposed to find a way out. When they’d opened the gateway, it had been a joint effort. What the hell was he supposed to do on his own? 

“It’s not that I don’t wanna get home. It’s that I don’t even know where to begin. I feel powerless,” he said finally. 

“Well, you’re not completely powerless, Shinwon. You’re starting to get your magic back. Just take baby steps, okay?” Changgu’s gaze was intense. Shinwon felt vulnerable and the scariest part was how damn genuine the other sounded.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that almost sounded like you care about me,” Shinwon said, laughing bitterly. Changgu didn’t say anything in response, instead turning away and moving to grab the few things they’d managed to salvage somehow. There wasn’t an endless supply of things in Purgatory, but the pair had quickly learned that sometimes things just showed up. It must have been related to how ghosts sometimes ended up in the mortal world. Maybe they were linked so closely that sometimes things just slipped through the cracks. Maybe that was where missing socks went. 

But of course, it was nearly impossible to open a gateway and get back home. The irony of it was infuriating to Shinwon.

They’d managed to fill a bag with some random cans of food they’d found, as well as some matches, a blanket, and a water bottle. It wasn’t much, but something was better than nothing. Shinwon wasn’t sure how many more animals he wanted to see Changgu dismember. 

While Shinwon wasn’t exactly thrilled about being trapped in Purgatory, he’d been doing a pretty decent job of taking care of himself. Although food wasn’t exactly the easiest to find or anything he’d normally want to eat, he was surviving well enough. Changgu, on the other hand, looked sickly. Shinwon didn’t want to pry. He didn’t want to question the other because he didn’t want to come across as being worried. But Changgu was pale and his face was sunken in. He looked like he was withering away. And Shinwon had caught him retching up blood more than a few times. It was because of the animal blood. He didn’t have to ask to know that without human blood, Changgu was growing weaker and weaker. He just wondered how much longer he would stubbornly go on that way for. 

They shuffled out of the building they’d slept in to find that the landscape outside was different. Again. The landscape of Purgatory was always changing without them noticing. It was the same sensation as having a dream and starting out in your home only to open a door and find you were in a completely different building. He hated the lack of control that came with it. All they could do was keep moving and hope that they wouldn’t run into trouble.

After the encounter with Taeyang, Changgu had been on edge. While they hadn’t stumbled upon anyone else they knew, Shinwon could tell that Changgu thought that they were out to get him. He couldn’t even blame them either. It was his fault that they were there. It was his fault they were dead. 

“Could you hear what they were saying?” Shinwon broke the silence as they shuffled along the road, gravel crunching under their heels. He didn’t see anyone, and although there were some trees, the cover wasn’t exactly thick. 

“Hm?”

“You said you could hear someone nearby.”

“Oh. No. I think it was just one person. They weren’t talking, but I could hear them moving.”

“How do you know it wasn’t just an animal?”

“I know the difference between people and animals, Shinwon. It was a person.”

Shinwon didn’t say anything in response to that. He wondered if it was just another hopeless person trying to survive. Other than Taeyang, they hadn’t come across tons of other people - living or dead. It was like Purgatory was constantly changing in an attempt to keep everybody isolated. Maybe it was some sort of divine punishment. Instead of burning in hell, you ended up in Purgatory, doomed to wander around a place that was just enough like home that you felt homesick but just different enough that you were in a constant state of disorientation. Shinwon couldn’t decide whether that was a better or worse fate than the things he’d heard in church as a kid. 

“Plan on keeping that to yourself?” 

Shinwon wasn’t sure how much time they’d been walking when an unfamiliar voice broke the quiet. It was the only warning he had before he was being knocked to the ground, hard. He heard Changgu curse, but before he could pull himself back up, he felt someone’s weight on his back, pinning him to the ground. 

“Back off,” Changgu’s voice came out in a low growl. It was a tone of voice Shinwon hadn’t heard in use in what felt like eons. The last time he’d heard him speak that way, it’d been in that motel room in the middle of nowhere. It sent chills down his spine. 

“I don’t think I will. It’s been a while since anything edible crossed my path. Don’t know when the next opportunity will arise,” the voice was almost nonchalant. Whoever it was, they didn’t seem remotely threatened by Changgu. Shinwon managed to turn his head just enough to get a glimpse of his attacker. The man pinning him to the ground was not at all what he expected. His features were smooth and he had big eyes. They were the type of eyes that could fool you into thinking he was innocent, but the fact that they were almost completely black and the fact that he was giving Shinwon a fanged grin told him that he was anything but. 

“What about me? Can’t I have a say?”

“Can I eat you?”

“I’d really rather you didn’t?”

“Too bad,” the man smiled at him sweetly, and then he was moving for Shinwon’s neck. He prepared himself for the inevitable sting of fangs piercing through his skin, but it never came. The man was harshly yanked off of him and Shinwon turned just in time to see him flying back and landing on the ground hard. Changgu stood in between him and the man, and even though his back was to Shinwon, he could feel the anger radiating off of him. Maybe it was the bond or maybe it was something else, but Shinwon felt the possessiveness thick in the air. 

He scrambled to get to his feet, backing away. 

“That was a mistake,” the stranger said. The smile had dropped from his face and his delicate features melted into a snarl as he stood up, dusting himself off. Shinwon watched as the man charged at Changgu. He moved so quickly that his eyes could barely follow the movement, but Changgu stood his ground, bracing himself against the attack. They collided hard. Hard enough that Shinwon knew that if they were human, bones would have probably been broken. 

“So what’s your story? You’re the first person we’ve seen that’s not a ghost in a while,” Changgu said, managing to keep his voice even as he strained against the stranger.

“Story? Oh there’s not much to it, darling. One day I was with my friends, the next, I was here. There’s no returning from this place.”

“I think we’ll be the judge of that,” Changgu shoved the man off of him before swinging an arm at him. The stranger barely managed to dodge his punch, but he was still off balance and struggled not to fall over. 

“You’re crazy if you think you’ll ever find a way out of this. All that there's left is survival. Eat or be eaten. One would think another vampire would understand the hunger.”

“Believe me, I do,” Changgu shook his head. This time, when he moved towards the stranger, the other was ready. He nimbly ducked out of the way before moving around and grabbing Changgu in a chokehold. 

“Oh, I can see that,” the stranger’s eyes were now on Shinwon. “You haven’t been feeding. Why not?”

Changgu didn’t answer, instead continuing to struggle to get out of the stranger’s grip. He refused to meet Shinwon’s eyes. 

“I suppose it’s your loss. If you’re gonna let yourself fade away anyways, why not just let me help speed up the process. You’ll be out of your misery, and I’ll have a source of food! It’s a win-win situation.” 

Shinwon watched as Changgu reached for the stranger’s arm, clawing at it desperately, but he also knew he was too weak to put up much of a fight. Whoever this stranger was, he was stronger. He wasn’t aware of the fact that he was moving until he found himself standing right next to the pair. He held up his arm.

“Let him go.”

“Oh, so now you offer yourself to me. Better late than never, I suppose,” the stranger said. Shinwon saw something flash in Changgu’s eyes but he looked away just as quickly. The man released his grip on the other before reaching for Shinwon’s arm. He moved a finger along the skin softly. 

“What are you doing? Just get it over with already.”

“I’m savoring this. I don’t know when the next time I’ll get a good meal is,” the stranger said, casting a glare at him. Then, he was lifting Shinwon’s arm to his lips. Then, Shinwon was focusing as much energy as he could draw into his body. When the stranger bit down, he was met with flames. He screamed in pain as he jerked away, but Shinwon wasn’t finished yet. He reached out, grabbing the man’s throat before he could move further away, focusing on the flames that enveloped his arm and focusing on burning the stranger but not himself. 

The man gasped, reaching for his throat, but it was too late; the fire was too hot. “Sorry, but unlike you, I plan on escaping this place,” Shinwon said, his voice cold. He let go and the man dropped to the ground, wheezing as he reached for his throat. Fire wasn’t enough to kill a vampire, but it still hurt plenty. The burn would take a while to heal. “This is a warning. Follow us, and I will kill you.” Shinwon turned around, letting the energy dissipate. 

From the ground, Changgu stared at him with a mixture of awe and horror. 

“Come on, let’s get the hell out of here,” Shinwon said, reaching down and offering Changgu his hand. The other stared at it for a moment as if it was poisoned, but then he reached for it, letting himself be pulled up. He followed Shinwon without another word. 

* * *

“You’re weak.”

It’d been the first time Shinwon had spoken in hours. The pair had been trudging through the woods, hoping to find some sort of shelter, but without any luck thus far. 

“Thanks, how are you?” Changgu’s voice was bitter, and his smile was tired. 

“You can’t keep going on like this?”

“Like what?”

“Like…” Shinwon trailed off, stopping in his tracks and turning around to face the other. “You’re making yourself sick. You’re killing yourself. Why?”

Changgu stopped, crossing his arms as he leaned against a tree. He looked up at the sky and then he looked at his feet, but he refused to meet Shinwon’s eyes. It was infuriating. “Look around Shinwon. You see that?”

“What?”

“Exactly. There’s not many options for me.”

“You can’t even keep down animal blood.”

“Do you see any humans around for me to feed on?” Changgu’s eyebrow was raised now. Shinwon groaned. He wanted to punch him. Maybe he wasn’t the most oblivious person after all.

“Well, now that you mention it…”

“No.”

“Why not? You’re weak. That guy back there could have killed you.”

“And here I was thinking that you hated me and wanted me dead.”

Shinwon wanted to yell or hit something. He only wished that slapping Changgu would magically solve every problem they had, but he knew it wouldn’t. “You know I can’t kill you. It doesn’t matter how much I want to get away from you, because we’re stuck together because of that damned bond. I hate to admit it, but I can’t lose you. Not right now.”

“You’re ridiculous. So if I feed on you, then what? I’ll have to hope we don’t run into any trouble for the next hour because you’ll be drugged up and defenseless. It’s too risky…”

“I can handle myself better than you think.”

“I know you can, believe me. I just…” Changgu sighed, throwing his hands in the air in defeat.

“You just what, Changgu? Stop being so stubborn. Surviving here is a team effort and you can’t keep just trapezing around here pretending that everything is fine, because clearly it is not fine.”

“It’s been too long,” Changgu’s voice was quiet. 

“Well, you didn’t have to tell me that. You look like you’re going to collapse at any moment.”

“No. It’s been too long. If I start, what if I’m not able to stop? What if I lose control, Shinwon? Then you’ll be dead and I’ll have nobody left,” he said, voice thick with desperation. Shinwon scoffed, shaking his head.

“You won’t. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Alright then. Since you’re so determined to give yourself to me, I’ll feed on you. But not until we find some sort of shelter. Doing anything out in the open is too risky,” Changgu said, sighing. 

“Fine,” Shinwon said, letting the conversation drop away as he turned to face the direction he’d been walking in. He blinked at the forest in front of them before beginning to make his way through the underbrush. It was thick and damp, but they’d trudged through worse. The trees loomed up above them, but there was barely any sound around them. Occasionally an animal ran by, but other than that, not even birds made any noise.

There was some familiarity to the way the trees rose around them, but Shinwon barely paid it any attention. Purgatory was like that. Always vaguely familiar, yet you couldn’t ever find what you were looking for. He hated it.

He wasn’t sure how long they walked in silence when he stopped in his tracks, looking up to see a familiar building. “You’re joking.” 

Curse the always changing landscape of Purgatory.

“Haven’t we been here before?”

“Yup,” Shinwon sighed, shaking his head. Yanan’s home looked the same as they had left it the last they’d been there. Just similar enough to how it was in the world of the living to be recognizable, but hollow and empty. A shell of what it should have been. 

“Well, I guess some shelter is better than nothing…” Changgu said, shaking his head and making his way towards the front door. Shinwon stared for a long moment, but shook his head, following after him. He’d worry about why Purgatory had brought them back there later. If anything, he could try to get another message through to Yanan. Although he was doubtful that the first one did anything, there was still no harm in trying. He didn’t exactly have a lot of other options. 

“Hey,” Changgu’s voice came from down the hall as Shinwon stepped past the threshold. “Shinwon. I think you should see this.”

“What is it? Dragons?”

“I feel like you’re referencing something, but no, come here.”

Shinwon sighed, following the sound of Changgu’s voice. The other was standing in the bathroom, staring at the mirror. Shinwon followed his gaze and balked. 

_As long as it takes._

Yanan’s handwriting snaked its way across the mirror. It was faint and Shinwon had no idea how long it’d been there, but it didn’t matter because it meant he’d gotten through to him. He knew he was there and he knew he was alive. 

“Turns out your idea must have worked after all.”

“I… I didn’t think it would. But where do I go from here?”

“What are you talking about?” Changgu turned to stare at Shinwon, confusion clouding his features.

“Well. I can communicate through a mirror, but how is that gonna help us in the long run? I still have no idea how to get back home.”

“Remember what I said earlier? Baby steps.”

“Right…” Shinwon sighed, shaking his head. He leaned forward to cloud the glass up with his breath once again before bringing a finger up to the surface and moving it quickly. As long as it was legible, he didn’t really care how it looked. 

“Song lyrics? Really?”

Shinwon shrugged. “There’s not much I can do right now, other than let him know I’m still alive. At least I could let him know I still have a sense of humor.”

“Something tells me Yanan isn’t going to understand the reference. He doesn’t strike me as the type to listen to disco music.”

“I didn’t know you were so close with him.”

“Yeah. He punched me that one time. Once somebody punches you, you’re basically soulmates,” Changgu said deadpan. 

“I’ll have to talk to him about that once I get back.”

“You do that. I’m gonna rest now,” Changgu slapped a hand on Shinwon’s back hard before backing out of the room. 

“Wait…” he turned, following Changgu back into the living room. 

“Hm?”

“We made an agreement,” Shinwon said, shrugging his jacket off and sitting on the couch. Dust flew up around him as he did, but he’d grown accustomed to most things being covered in dust or ash or who knows what else. 

Changgu sighed heavily, shaking his head before he moved to sit next to him. “You know, I was really hoping you’d forget about that.”

“Then you’re a bigger idiot than I thought. Eat up or I’ll find something sharp and you won’t have a choice in the matter,” Shinwon said. 

“This is so messed up,” Changgu sighed, but then he was leaning towards Shinwon, his lips hovering over his neck.

“Was it ever not messed up?” He didn’t even flinch as he felt the pierce of fangs through his skin. It’d been a while since he’d felt the rush of venom through his veins and he fought to stay focused. The last thing either of them needed was for him to melt into Changgu. “I think things crossed that line a long time ago,” he sighed. Changgu was quiet, reaching up and tangling a hand in Shinwon’s hair as he drank greedily from him. He could feel his vision spinning a little from the loss of blood, but he didn’t want to stop him. Not yet. 

Changgu’s other hand gripped onto Shinwon’s shoulder hard, holding him like he was the only thing anchoring him there. The corner of his vision was getting blurry. “Changgu.” The other didn’t respond, continuing to drink from him. “Changgu,” Shinwon tried again. Part of him didn’t even want to say anything. Maybe it was the venom or maybe it was how tired he was, but part of him would have been content to let himself be sucked dry. He fought to hold on for just a little bit longer. “Changgu. That’s enough,” he said. The third time was the charm and he winced as the other pulled off of him. The feeling of his tongue moving across his skin to clean up the remaining blood sent shivers down his spine, 

“Thank you,” Changgu’s voice was soft. His eyes were dark and wild as if he were the one who’d been drugged rather than Shinwon. Maybe it was the dual nature of their bond. Shinwon reached up, cupping Changgu’s face before running his thumb across his lip slowly. The other leaned into his touch, closing his eyes. 

“You had blood on your lip,” Shinwon said dumbly. 

Changgu said nothing, his eyebrows furrowed together in frustration. “Thank you,” he said again, his voice tight.

“Don’t mention it,” Shinwon shrugged weakly. When Changgu made a move to get up, he reached for his wrist. He’d blame the venom and the stupid bond later. “Don’t leave me. Stay. Please.”

“Okay. I’ll stay. At least let me grab a blanket, though.” 

Shinwon nodded too quickly and his vision spun a bit. He watched three Changgus leave the room as he waited for his vision to clear, and by the time he returned, there was once again just one of him. 

“Lay down.”

Shinwon laid down.

He let Changgu drape the blanket they’d salvaged over him. It was a thick quilt that was made with love. He was sure someone somewhere was missing it, but he was grateful for the momentary comfort that it provided. 

“Don’t leave.”

“I’m still here. You can sleep now, Shinwon. I won’t leave,” Changgu’s voice was soft. He was sitting at the edge of the couch, as if unsure of what else to do. Shinwon stared at him for a moment, but then the compulsion took over and he felt his mind slowly empty as he drifted into darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and lemme know your thoughts and feelings so far hehe >:3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s like a bunch of minor characters from other groups brought up in this chapter,, some of them you’ve already met in tbtd though <3

“Yanan, you’re overthinking it. It’s song lyrics.” 

It’d been weeks since the first message had appeared. Weeks of trying to find answers and only getting dead ends. And now, he was standing next to Hyunggu, staring at his mirror in confusion. 

“What do you mean? Is there a meaning behind it?”

“It’s from a disco song called _I Will Survive_. I’m pretty sure he’s just telling you he’s alright,” Hyunggu said, shaking his head in disbelief. 

He’d been standing in the bathroom, getting ready in the morning when he’d noticed the telltale sign that somebody’s hands had been on his mirror. He’d furrowed his eyebrows and let out a breath of air to fog up the glass, wondering if there was another message. He almost didn’t believe his eyes. It’d been too long since he’d seen the first one, and he was beginning to think that he’d seen things. Still, that hadn’t stopped him from writing his original response. And now his bathroom mirror had a phrase that he couldn’t quite understand scrawled across it in sloppy handwriting.

_I’ve got all my life to live and I’ve got all my love to give and I’ll survive._

He’d have to make a mental note to look up the song. 

“We’ll find him, okay?”

When Hyunggu said it, Yanan had no choice but to believe in him. The first days when he’d “turned off” his feelings were hard and everything had felt hopeless. Everything had hurt because it was still too fresh for all of them. The fact that it’d seemed like Hyunggu had been ready to give up entirely had been perhaps the scariest thing about it all. Seeing someone who was normally the most optimistic of the bunch reduced to an empty shell of themself was unnerving. 

But when Yanan had told everybody about the message from Shinwon, Hyunggu had slowly but surely opened back up. He was slow to let emotions back in. It still hurt and it was still scary, but if Shinwon was alive and fighting, then he could too, right? He’d been quick to apologize to everybody for being distant and for being unable to do much to help, but nobody held it against him.

“You needed time. We all understood that. Nobody was ever mad at you,” Hui had told him, gripping onto his shoulders and staring at him intensely. Hyunggu had just nodded quickly in response. It was still too fresh. If he’d spoken, he might start crying. In fact, he had looked like he was on the verge of tears as it was. 

Yanan had to constantly reassure him that he wasn’t a burden. After all, Purgatory was an issue of magic. There wasn’t much a vampire could do unless that vampire was also a witch, like Hyuna. Even if pouring over books seemed like it wasn’t helping, Yanan reminded him that even the littlest thing could result in a breakthrough. On top of that, he wasn’t the only one who had little power in the situation. Hui, Hongseok, Jinho, Wooseok, and Yuto were all in the same boat as him. Yanan had lost count of the amount of times he’d had to tell Hyunggu to stop beating himself up and stop blaming himself for every little thing. They’d figure it out. And if they couldn’t figure it out, he had faith that Shinwon would. Things would be okay again, no matter how long it took.

Hyunggu leaned towards the glass, breathing against it to fog it up once again. He lifted his finger to it and began to write.

* * *

They were going out of town. Apparently Hongseok knew a guy who knew a guy. He sat in the driver's seat tensely, eyes trained on the road, and Yanan couldn’t help but feel bad. He’d been one of the last to find out that Shinwon was gone. Years and years of friendship, and he’d been one of the last people to find out. He hadn’t taken the news well, and he’d had an outburst when he’d realized just how little he could do about any of it. 

It hadn’t taken him long to adjust to the new craziness of their lives. He’d asked Hyuna and Hyojong and Yanan what he could do to help. If there was anything, then he’d be more than willing to do it. 

“I’m gonna warn you guys right now. My buddy doesn’t really like witches. I didn’t give him the full details on everything that was happening, but he said he knew some people who had experience with purgatory and that he’d tell me what he could.”

“What does he have against witches?” Hyunggu spoke from the back seat, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

“Don’t know. Anytime they’re brought up, he gets irritated. I think he had a bad run in with a group of ‘em or something,” he said, letting the conversation drop. It’d be best if Yanan let him and Hyunggu do most of the talking, then. Whoever this guy was, he probably wouldn’t appreciate the fact that Hongseok had brought a witch to his home. He’d said it would be alright, but there was never any true way to tell. 

They were headed towards the mountains. Hongseok insisted it was under an hour away and that he periodically went there anyways. Apparently he’d known the guy for years and they were gym buddies or something. Yanan didn’t quite understand why anyone in their right mind would drive almost an hour just to work out, but then again, sometimes it was best not to question Hongseok.

It was evening when they arrived in a small town nestled in the middle of the woods. Yanan wasn’t even sure if town was the right word to use. The roads were mostly dirt and there didn’t seem to be much in the way of signs or businesses other than a couple of shops. 

“What is this place?” 

“It’s a settlement of only magical folk. Mostly shifters and vampires, but there’s a few witches too. You won’t find it on any maps. Most of the people here are wary of outsiders. They’re just used to me,” Hongseok explained as he maneuvered his truck down the narrow road. Yanan caught more than a few people peering at them as they drove past or closing their windows. He wondered what had happened to make everybody there so afraid. 

He stopped his truck in front of a small home. As the trio climbed out and began to make their way towards the door, it swung open and Yanan felt his heart sink. 

“Hongseokie~ It’s always nice to see you,” a woman was saying. Yanan knew her face and he couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of it. He’d seen her when he was at dinner with Shinwon, Hui, and Hyunggu what seemed like ages ago. She’d been one of the vampires who’d been at Changgu’s compound. 

“You,” Hyunggu’s voice came from behind them. He was frowning in confusion.

“You!?” Recognition flashed through the woman’s features. 

“What about her?” Another voice came from the doorway as she was joined by another woman. 

And it was a small world, after all. 

* * *

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink?” 

Yanan and Hyunggu stared at the man in front of them as he rubbed his hands together. Somin and Jiwoo seemed to be having a silent conversation with each other. In the kitchen, there was a lot of yelling. Most of it was Hongseok, and boy was he pissed. 

“Why did you get involved in the first place?”

“I didn’t know that he was fucking crazy, okay? He was good at hiding that shit. And I didn’t know that he was holding your goddamned friend hostage.”

“That friend has a name and because of Changgu, Shinwon is stuck in a different fucking dimension. Regardless of whether you knew he was important to me, why the hell did you help Changgu keep him in the first place?”

“I don’t know. I thought I could trust him. I thought the guy - I thought Shinwon might be dangerous or important for some reason. We were living with Changgu for years before this whole mess happened. I thought I knew him.”

“Jesus Christ, Matt,” Hongseok sounded completely exasperated. 

“I’m not hungry, thank you,” Hyunggu held his hands up and smiled at the man in front of them.

“I doubt you have anything I’d willingly consume,” Yanan said.

“We have wine. Do witches like wine? It doesn’t have blood in it, I promise.”

“I’m good, thank you,” Yanan insisted. 

From the kitchen, there was a loud bang of someone slamming their hand on the counter. Taehyung jumped. Hyunggu and Yanan exchanged nervous glances. This hadn’t been on the list of things they expected. 

“Boys,” Somin shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose with a sigh. Jiwoo stood up, making her way to the kitchen. There was more shouting, followed by protesting. When Jiwoo returned, she was holding Hongseok and Matthew by their ears. 

“So, are you gonna tell us what we drove all the way out here for, or are you gonna keep bickering?” Yanan was the first to break the quiet once everybody had sat down.

Matthew glared at him and Yanan got the feeling that he was trying to intimidate him, but it wasn’t working. Whatever beef he had, Yanan frankly didn’t give a shit. They’d come there for a reason. 

“I know some people. I would have just given you their contact info, but they’re pretty wary of outsiders. They wanted me to be there as security.”

“What happened to them?” 

Matthew shook his head, sighing. “Don’t really know. They were like a hodgepodge family of shifters, vampires, and witches. I guess one of them screwed up a spell and ended up sending one of their own to Purgatory. After that, they kinda distanced themselves from each other. I tried to get a hold of all of them, but I was only able to get in contact with the witches and the remaining vampire.”

“Do you think they’ll be able to help us?”

“It’s hard to say. I don’t know shit about witches or magic or any of this Purgatory bullshit. But you said any info is helpful, so here I am.”

“And we’re grateful that you’re helping. Do these friends know what we’re here for?” Hyunggu asked, leaning forward and resting his chin in his hands.

“More or less. Hongseokie was vague with me, so it wasn’t like I could exactly give them a lot of details. They’re good people though. I’m sure they’ll do whatever they can to help you,” Matthew said with a nod.

“Then let’s go,” Hongseok stood up. He refused to meet Matthew’s gaze. Yanan wondered if they’d ever be okay again, 

* * *

The house they drove up to was decently sized. It had more than enough room for the three men that currently occupied it. When Matthew had knocked on their door, a short man had slowly cracked it open, staring at the group cautiously before opening it the rest of the way. He watched as everybody filed inside, as if trying to decipher them with his eyes. 

“I’m Jinwoo. This is Dongmin and this is Minhyuk,” he gestured to the two men sitting inside. They stared at the group with curiosity. “Go ahead, sit down. I’m sure you’ll be here for a while,” Jinwoo said. He sounded tired. Not even just that. He looked exhausted and Yanan could see it plain on his features. He wondered what had happened. It was like a slap in the face with reality; they weren’t the only ones whose lives had been completely overturned. The world was bigger than their own problems.

“So you’re here to ask us about Purgatory?” Dongmin was the first to speak, staring at the group with a frown. 

“That’s right,” Hyunggu began.

“Why?”

“Our friend is stuck there. We’re trying to get him back.”

“Welcome to the club,” Minhyuk sighed, shaking his head. “It’s not that easy.”

“Believe us, we know,” Yanan said, frowning. 

“So what’s your story then?”

Yanan shrugged. “We opened a gateway. We were trying to sever a bond and send someone who’d been causing problems there. He pulled someone important to us in with him at the last minute.”

“You were able to do that? Open a gateway?” Dongmin stared at them in shock, but below that, Yanan could see a hint of curiosity. 

“It wasn’t anything easy. It took three of us to do it, and an extensive amount of magic. It’s not something we can just do again. The one who was pulled in… his magic was the reason we were able to open it.”

“That’s unfortunate. I don’t know if we can really help though,” Jinwoo said.

“We’re not here to ask you for your magic. We’re just trying to figure out how Purgatory works. Shinwon… he’s been able to leave us messages even though he’s in a different dimension. We’re trying to make sense of it and find out if there’s some sort of loophole… some easier way to get him back.”

“Messages? How so?” 

“He must have ended up in a parallel version of my home. I don’t know how, but he wrote a message on my mirror, and I was able to see it from our world.”

“So you think Purgatory is tied to our world closer than anybody truly knows? Like… instead of it being a completely different dimension, it might be overlapping with this place?” Minhyuk looked deep in thought.

“That about sums it up. I know it’s a sensitive topic, but if there’s anything that you experienced that might be able to help us…” Hyunggu trailed off. 

“No, no… it’s fine. We all were prepared to have to talk about what happened when Matthew told us you were coming,” Jinwoo said, smiling weakly. 

“What you said actually makes sense… Whatever we did back then wasn’t quite the same as opening a one-way gateway. It wasn’t even supposed to open any sort of gateway in the first place. None of us even knew a lot about Purgatory back then. We knew it existed, of course, but it wasn’t really something on our minds. It was a complete accident…” Dongmin began, his voice quiet as he spoke. 

* * *

_It wasn’t supposed to happen like that. They’d been messing around with teleportation magic, trying to see how far they could jump. It was just a fun experiment. But instead, the three of them were standing in a dark forest surrounded by a thick fog that stunk of decay. Behind them was the pond they’d emerged from. Around them, was a place that looked similar to the forest near their home, except it was wrong. The sky was a muddy reddish color and the trees were all dead._

_“What is this place?” Myungjun was the first to break the quiet, looking around in astonishment._

_“I don’t think we’re supposed to be here, MJ,” Dongmin looked back at the pond, a frown on his face._

_“You wanna leave, just after we got here? Where’s the spirit of adventure?”_

_“I’m gonna have to agree on Dongmin on this one. I have a bad feeling about this place,” Minhyuk spoke softly, his eyes wide._

_“Fine. Fine,” Myungjun held up his hands in defeat. “You guys have good judgement. I’ll trust you on this one.”_

_The pair sighed in relief as they made their way back to the pond. It shimmered and rippled and they could see the energy radiating off of it. It was the one bright thing that dotted the landscape, and instead of seeing the bottom of the pond, they saw the blue of the sky from where they’d been before. It was getting dimmer._

_“Let’s get out of here, quickly,” Dongmin said, wasting no time in submerging himself into the water. Minhyuk watched as he swam deeper into the pond, before his form disappeared entirely. The image of the sky seemed to glitch, disappearing for a moment only to return. Minhyuk was the next to plunge into the water. It was lukewarm and he had the sensation of floating in nothingness, but he focused on making his way towards the blue of the sky, swimming towards it until he broke the surface. He gasped for air, looking around until he met eyes with Dongmin. He was aware of the sound of birds and wind rustling the leaves of the trees. He pulled himself out of the pond before looking back in it, waiting for Myungjun to emerge._

_He didn’t._

_One moment, Minhyuk could see the muddy reddish color of the sky and Myungjun climbing into the water cautiously, but the next, the image fizzled away and Myungjun disappeared entirely. Instead, he was staring at the sand that coated the bottom of the pond and his own reflection rippling in the water._

* * *

“You were there? You went to Purgatory and returned?” Yanan’s voice was incredulous. Dongmin and Minhyuk exchanged glances with each other, but both nodded quietly. 

“Have you tried replicating what you did to open the gateway?” Hyunggu spoke.

“We did,” Minhyuk spoke quietly. He was staring at his shoes.

“You have to understand. He was one of our own. Myungjun was like family to us. Of course we’d do everything in our power to get him back to us. But I guess we didn’t have enough power on our own,” Dongmin sighed, frowning. 

“I’m sorry that that happened. If we’re able to figure out a way to fix things, we’ll try to find your friend, okay?”

“Okay,” Jinwoo nodded slowly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that guy that tried 2 eat shinwon... :3

_I love you. Stay out of trouble. We’ll wait for you._

It was followed by a heart. Shinwon stared at the message. It was Hyunggu’s handwriting, and it was fresh. If only it was that easy. Changgu was standing behind him, peering over his shoulder and hovering as usual. It’d been a habit that Shinwon had gotten used to quickly. Whenever they weren’t walking or fighting, Changgu clung close to Shinwon, standing just close enough that he wanted to tell him to back off, but not quite close enough that he was sure he could justify snapping at him. 

Shinwon glanced at Changgu’s reflection in the mirror, sighing and shaking his head before leaning close to the surface to write a response. Behind him, Changgu scoffed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means exactly what it means,” Shinwon said. He’d woken up with a pounding headache, but other than that he felt alright. He was sure it had to do with the loss of blood. He didn’t want to think too hard about the fact that he’d woken up to see Changgu sitting in the same spot as he’d been in when he fell asleep, staring at him with an expression that he could only describe as wistful. 

“Whatever. Let’s try to find something for you to eat, unless you wanna settle for… what do we even have?” 

Shinwon shrugged but reached for their bag. Inside, there were a couple cans of beans, a can of corn, and a can of water chestnuts. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could take living off of beans. “I wouldn’t mind trying to find something else,” he said after a moment. 

“Great,” Changgu said, reaching up and ruffling Shinwon’s hair before backing out of the room. Shinwon watched as he left before looking back at the mirror. The circles under his eyes were dark and he was pale. He felt like shit, but he knew it could have been worse. Changgu on the other hand was practically glowing from feeding. He still didn’t look great, but between consuming something that he could actually keep down and the fact that Shinwon’s blood had healing properties, he looked much better than he had before. He was acting more energetic as well. He supposed that was a good thing.

When they emerged from Yanan’s house, Changgu’s arm flew up and Shinwon bumped into it in confusion. “What are you-“ his sentence dropped off as he noticed a man sprawled out on the porch, head resting in his hands as he stared at the sky. It was the vampire from the previous day.

“I was wondering how long it would take you guys to wake up-“ he began, but he was cut short as Changgu launched himself at him, pinning him to the wall. 

“I thought I told you not to follow us,” he growled. 

“Actually, I think that was the other guy, not you,” he yelped when Changgu pressed him harder against the wall, holding up his hands in defeat, “Listen, I don’t want any trouble, I promise!”

“Changgu, let him go,” Shinwon said, shaking his head with a sigh. Changgu turned and shot Shinwon a glare, but loosened his grip on the man. He didn’t move away from him though. “What are you doing here? Have you been following us this whole time?”

The man brushed himself off indignantly, but then nodded. “We got off on the wrong foot. I’m sorry.”

“You tried to eat me.”

“And I apologize for that. It’s been a while since I’ve seen… well... anybody who’s not a ghost.” 

“That’s a crappy apology, but get on with it,” Changgu said, sending a threatening glare towards the man. He just shrugged.

“Well… I was thinking a lot about what you said… about trying to get out of here. Do you really think there’s a way?”

“I don’t know… I’m not exactly an expert on Purgatory. I didn’t even know I was a witch for a full year before ending up here,” Shinwon shook his head, sighing, “but if there’s any chance that I can get home? I have to take it. I need to get back to the people I care about.”

“So what if we put our differences aside and you let me stick with you? We could be a team! Team Purgatory! I can help you guys navigate, I’ve been here for a while…” the man stammered, his eyes pleading. 

“We’re not going to be team anything, get lost,” Changgu growled.

“Don’t listen to him. I, for one, would be happy to have a navigator,” Shinwon said, shooting a glare at Changgu.

“He tried to eat you and he tried to kill me-“

“And I’m sure that it won’t happen again, isn’t that right?” Shinwon made a show of conjuring a flame in one of his hands.

“Right! Absolutely! No pretty witch blood for me, sir!” The man nodded quickly. 

Shinwon let the flame dissipate, frowning. “How long have you been here?”

The man shrugged. “It’s hard to say. I’ve lost track. Like I said… you’re the first people I’ve seen in who knows how long. I’m losing my mind here. I just wanna go home,” he frowned. 

“You and me both. I’ll let you stay with us, but you’re on thin ice. We don’t know who the hell you are, so excuse us if we’re not going to trust you easily.”

“MJ. Call me MJ,” he said, holding out his hand. Changgu glared at it, but Shinwon moved closer to him, reaching out and shaking it. 

“Well, MJ. I’m Shinwon. The asshole is Changgu. Do you happen to know of any place that is magically filled with food that I can eat?”

MJ blinked at Shinwon, before nodding quickly. “I actually have a place that I’ve been stockpiling things I find. You know how things are here, they just sorta turn up. I’m sure there’s something edible I have stashed away. It’s just a matter of actually finding it in a reasonable time. I’m sure you’ve noticed how the landscape changes and all…”

“We’ve noticed,” Changgu’s voice was short. He cast a glare at Shinwon. “How do you know we can trust him?”

“Well, for starters, I’ve been stuck with you this entire time, and last I remember, you tried to kill multiple people I love and abduct me so I don’t think it’s a stretch to trust this guy.”

“Ouch,” MJ said. Changgu shot a glare at him.

“Thin. Ice.”

* * *

“So what’s your story? You two seem to have a complicated relationship.” 

MJ was leading the way as they trudged through the forest, periodically stopping to look at the trees or the plants around them or listen intently for any sort of sounds. From the way Changgu grumbled and complained, it was obvious that he wasn’t thrilled about the other’s presence, but Shinwon didn’t really give a shit what Changgu thought about it. Safety in numbers, right? Even if both the people he was with were vampires and had tried to or succeeded in eating him before. He tried not to think too hard about it as they followed him. 

“You really don’t have a filter, do you,” Changgu spat.

“Nope, not really!” MJ glanced back at them with the biggest possible grin on his face.

“It’s his fault I’m stuck here,” Changgu and Shinwon spoke in unison, pointing at each other. MJ stopped, looking between them with a raised eyebrow.

“Clearly you guys have some things to work through. It’s okay, all relationships have rough patches. I’m sure you’ll get through it,” he gave a thumbs up.

“What- we’re not- forget about that. It’s not like that. It’s a long story.”

“Well, we’re already stuck in Purgatory. I think we’ve got all the time in the world,” MJ said. Changgu looked like he was about to either punch MJ or scream or maybe even spontaneously burst into flame. Shinwon sighed. 

“It’s like. A _really_ long story.”

“Well, best start telling it now then, right?”

“There’s no getting you to back down, is there?”

“It’s been a while since I’ve had someone to talk to.”

“Well. I moved to a new place and I started living with these two vampires named Hui and Hyunggu. Apparently, Changgu had a grudge against Hui because he called dibs on Hyunggu and-“

“What the hell is dibs-“

“-Hyunggu chose Hui over him. So over the years he kept trying to get back at them for it, but it wasn’t working, and since trying to kill Hyunggu had gone wrong because he had Hui’s venom in his system, he just followed them around and kept harassing them. When I started living with them he decided that I was the perfect tool for revenge because he’s fucking crazy-“

“Shinwon, I swear to-“

“-and I ended up getting in a relationship with Hui and Hyunggu too which meant it would sting even more if he got me, right? Also I started dating this witch named Yanan too, and he helped me discover my magic. He’s really neat. Anyways, Changgu ended up sending some random witch guy to abduct me so that he could have me for himself and when he found out-“

Changgu held his hand over Shinwon’s mouth. Shinwon tried to pull it away, but Changgu was stronger than him, so instead, he licked the skin. 

“What the hell is wrong with you,” Changgu yelled, ripping his hand away in disgust.

“As I was saying, when he found out my blood was magical, he decided to keep me as his own personal blood bag. I was able to get home eventually, but because of how many times he fed on me, this stupid magic vampire bond formed and now we can’t live without each other - isn’t that just fantastic - and so since we couldn’t do anything to hurt him without hurting me too, we decided to send his ass here, because traveling between dimensions would break the bond without hurting either of us or something. But then he pulled me in last minute, so now I’m stuck here too and we’re still bonded.”

MJ gawked at the pair. Shinwon wasn’t sure if Changgu looked furious or embarrassed. Maybe it was a combination of both.

“You weren’t kidding… sounds complicated,” MJ said. He held his hand up to his neck, scratching at the blistered skin there before wincing. “So… magical blood, huh? What kinda magic?”

“I’m not going to let you feed on me, if that’s what you’re asking,” Shinwon said.

“Right… right. I was just curious. Sorry.”

Shinwon turned and cast a glance at Changgu. He was staring at his feet. “I’m a terrible person.”

“You don’t say,” Shinwon sighed, shaking his head. “Come on, pretty boy. Lead the way.”

MJ looked between the pair with concern before nodding and beginning to lead them through the forest again. Changgu was quiet as he followed them. 

* * *

After what felt like hours of walking in circles, the trio emerged from the treeline to find themselves in a small clearing. There were a few shacks that Shinwon guessed were supposed to be homes, and what looked like a small convenience store. A dirt road snaked through the clearing before disappearing into the forest. MJ sighed in relief. “Here we are,” he said.

Shinwon and Changgu were quiet as they followed him up to one of the shacks. There was a lock on the door, which MJ produced a key to, shaking it in the lock until it settled into place. It clicked open and the door creaked as he pushed it inwards. “Welcome to my crib.” The pair looked at each other before following MJ into the building. 

Inside, it was dark and dusty. As with everywhere else, everything was coated in a layer of ash that stirred into the air as they disrupted it. There was a couch as well as two chairs that sat surrounding a fireplace. Blankets were neatly folded in a pile on one of the chairs. A small stack of books lay on the couch, and although they were collecting dust currently, they look like they’d been read through more than a few times. 

“Things don’t turn up often, but when they do, I bring them back here. I’ve been here for longer than you can imagine. Just out of curiousity, what year was it when you guys ended up here?”

Changgu and Shinwon exchanged a glance, both frowning. “2020…” Changgu said after a moment. MJ abruptly burst into laughter. 

“This has to be some sort of cruel joke.”

“Why would I lie about that?”

“Well…” MJ shrugged, shaking his head. His smile was bitter. “I suspected time passed differently here, but I didn’t realize just how differently… I’ve been here since 2018 in your standards but… here in Purgatory? It’s been years.”

“Are you sure?” Shinwon’s voice was smaller than he’d meant it to be. Years. He wondered how long he’d already been gone for the others. He supposed it’d been a couple weeks to him and Changgu, but could it have already been well over a month for the others?

“Positive. I might not seem the most sane, but I feel like I’m at least semi aware of how much time has passed. Plus I’ve been trying to keep track,” MJ wandered further into the room before kneeling down and grabbing at the corner of a rug. He lifted it up to reveal the floorboards beneath. They were covered in tally marks, all lined up meticulously and neatly. There were so many that Shinwon knew attempting to count them would be a lost cause. 

“How long has it been for you, then?”

“I can’t be certain. Time passes weird here and I’ve lost track more than a few times. But if you want my guess? I’d say it’s been at least a decade.”

Shinwon didn’t say anything to that. He just stared at MJ in disbelief. Ten years was a long time. It was no wonder he’d tried to eat him. But if two years in their world had translated to ten years in Purgatory…. well, Shinwon didn’t want to think about what that meant for him. MJ and Changgu were both vampires. While ten years was still a long time, it was probably nothing to them. They were, after all, immortal. Shinwon on the other hand? He was very mortal. Although he was sure immortality spells existed, he knew absolutely nothing about how to go about achieving such a thing. He only hoped that they’d find a way out before he withered away completely. 

“Anyways. Food. I’m sure I have something stashed away somewhere,” MJ changed the subject. He put on a cheery grin, but neither Shinwon nor Changgu returned it. They silently followed him as he led them out of the room and into the kitchen. 

It could barely be called a kitchen though. The counters were coated in dust and there was an empty hole where Shinwon guessed a refrigerator was supposed to be. Most of the cupboards were missing doors and the shelves were almost empty. MJ walked past all of it, instead leading them to another side room. Shinwon thought it might be a pantry, but it wasn’t very full. Still, there were a couple of containers filled with rice, cans of various fruits and vegetables, and a bag of sugar. It was much more of a variety than what he expected, considering the fact that MJ had need for none of it. 

“It’s not much, but I’m sure it’s more exciting than whatever you have been eating,” he said. He almost looked proud of that sad pantry. It was almost endearing. “Help yourself to whatever you’d like.”

Shinwon did. 

He immediately reached inside for a can of pineapple. He almost cried tears of joy when he saw that he didn’t need a can opener for it. He pried the lid open. “Do you have something I can eat this with?”

MJ nodded quickly before rummaging through a drawer in the kitchen. He pulled out a fork, and surprisingly, it wasn’t coated in dust. Shinwon grabbed it, nodding in thanks before skewering a piece of pineapple on it and shoving it in his mouth. What he felt in that moment was pure bliss. 

“Is he gonna cry?”

“I don’t think his pride will let him…”

Shinwon cracked open an eye to shoot a glare at Changgu, but he couldn’t even be mad for long. He was eating _pineapple_ of all things. He wasn’t even a huge pineapple fan either, but he’d almost forgotten that there were flavors outside of: beans and overcooked meat. He didn’t cry, but he sure wanted to. Instead, he quickly devoured the rest of the contents of the can. 

“MJ, you’re a godsend,” he said as he set the now empty can on the counter.

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say-“

“Let me thank you, damn it. I owe you.”

“Does that mean you’ll…” he trailed off, licking his lips. 

“Not right now because I’m still kind of woozy from…” he trailed off glancing at Changgu, who frowned. “But yeah. Sure. No venom though, got it?”

MJ looked between Shinwon and Changgu with a raised eyebrow but nodded. “Crystal clear.”

“Shinwon, are you sure you can trust him…”

“Shinwon are you sure you can trust him,” Shinwon repeated back in a mocking tone. “I can barely trust you, but I still let you feed on me. I think that I’d appreciate it if you just trusted me to make my own decisions, Changgu.”

The other didn’t say anything, instead, crossing his arms and pouting. “Whatever. I’m gonna find somewhere to rest,” he said, backing out of the room. 

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was…” MJ looked between the empty doorway and Shinwon before trailing off and shrugging.

“What?”

“Never mind,” he smiled. “Forget about it. You should probably rest too. You look like shit. If you’re gonna somehow get us out of here, you should probably be in better shape.”

Shinwon frowned but nodded. He started to leave the room before pausing in the doorway and turning to face the other. “Hey MJ?”

“Hm?”

“Sorry I burnt you like a kabob.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just kinda skimmed through this before posting it so pls let me know if there’s any typos jrsghkgkdjfhgkjh


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fun fun fun in this chapter hehe :)  
> CW for blood and gore and kinda self harm !!!

Shinwon jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep for, but he could still hear Changgu snoring in the next room over. “Sorry,” MJ’s voice was barely audible as he drew his hand back.

“Is something wrong?”

“I… it’s about something you said earlier… you should see this…” he was frowning. Shinwon sleepily nodded before pulling himself off of the couch and following MJ out of the room. He led him down a hallway. There were marks where photos must have hung at one time, but the walls were barren other than that. He opened a door that led to a bedroom. It was in more disrepair than the rest of the home, and it looked like MJ had probably been avoiding going in the room altogether. The bed didn’t even have sheets on it and the mattress was in tatters. There was a chair off to one corner that was coated in dust and a bookshelf that was almost empty, but those weren’t what stood out to Shinwon. What stood out to him was the vanity that sat near the window. 

He watched curiously as MJ made a beeline for it, leaning in close and fogging up the glass with his breath. Along the surface, words appeared.

_Are you still there?_

“I’ve been coming here for years and I’ve never once had this happen.”

“Want my guess? I’m sure my friends are trying everything they can to find a way to find me. I don’t know your full story but maybe yours are doing the same. Maybe they’re working together?”

“That’s awfully optimistic of you.”

“Is it? Optimism’s pretty much all I’ve got left,” Shinwon said, but when he turned to meet MJ’s eyes, the other was frowning. 

“I think you’ve got much more than optimism left.”

Shinwon didn’t know what he meant by that. He shook his head with a sigh. “Whatever. Since I’m awake now…” he trailed off, wandering back into the hall. “Are you coming?”

“Where?”

“The kitchen.”

“Oh… um… sure?” MJ looked absolutely clueless. Shinwon shook his head with a sigh before continuing out of the room. Once in the kitchen, he rooted through the pantry before reaching for a can of grapefruit. He pried it open before rummaging through the drawer for a fork. He scooped a piece into his mouth. MJ stared at him. “Why did you need me to come watch you eat grapefruit?”

“Do you have any knives by any chance? Preferably ones that aren’t dirty or rusty.”

“Uh…”

“I was planning on opening a vein for you, idiot. Changgu’s still asleep so he can’t fuss over me too much.”

“Oh… yeah. Yeah, hang on,” MJ said, nodding maybe a little too quickly. He moved to rummage through a different drawer before reaching in and grabbing a knife. Then he disappeared from the room. When he returned, he was wiping the knife with a towel. “I wanted to make sure it was uh… extra clean for you…” he trailed off awkwardly. 

“I appreciate it?” Shinwon said, taking it as he handed it to him. His stomach churned and he tried not to think about it too much. He set it down on the counter next to him as he shoveled the last couple of bites of grapefruit into his mouth. Then, he handed the knife back to MJ. “Can you do it?”

“You want me to stab you?”

“Not particularly, but you probably have enough experience to know where it won’t kill me.”

“I… yeah… okay, sure.” He took the knife from Shinwon. He was beginning to wonder if this was a good idea after all. He didn’t like needles and the idea of letting someone take a knife to his arm seemed even worse. Add the fact that MJ’s hand was shaking as he held the knife, and it was a combination for a disaster.

“You’re acting like this is the scariest thing you’ve done.”

“It might come as a shock, but I really don’t like blood.”

“A vampire who doesn’t like blood?”

“Well… when I bite someone and drink from them, it’s not like I can see them bleeding. Slicing open your arm is a completely different story…”

“Please just get it over with. I don’t like this either, but I meant what I said when I said no venom. Just don’t kill me.”

“Right…” MJ frowned, taking Shinwon’s arm carefully in his hand and feeling around with his thumb as he tried to decide on the right place. Then he was taking the knife and pressing it against Shinwon’s skin. His stomach lurched as it broke through it, but just as quickly, MJ was setting the knife down. He frowned, looking at Shinwon with a concerned expression before lifting his arm to his lips and drinking. 

If being cut didn’t make his head spin, then the way MJ greedily drank from him did. Maybe he should have waited longer, but every time he got a good glance at the blistering on the other’s neck, he felt a surge of guilt. It’d been his doing after all. At least with his blood, he’d be both healed and fed. He watched as the wound slowly began to morph as the skin knitted itself together and healed. Soon enough, there was no sign that he’d ever been burnt. Just as quickly, Shinwon felt himself struggling to keep balance. 

“MJ, stop.”

MJ stopped, pulling back, his tongue darting across his lips to get the remaining blood. Shinwon’s arm was still bleeding. “Did you… did you just heal me?”

“Mmhm,” Shinwon said. He tried not to look at his arm, leaning against the counter and willing himself to stay upright.

“Can you heal yourself?”

Shinwon blinked at him. _Could he?_ The thought had never occurred to him. He shrugged. “Don’t know.”

“Well at least try to. I don’t wanna watch you bleed out in my kitchen.”

“Yeah. Okay, sure.” He lifted his arm to his lips. He’d never tried to drink blood before. The idea of it almost made him want to gag. The tang of his own blood in his mouth made him frown in disgust, but he also felt the wound on his arm begin to close as he moved his tongue across it, lapping up any blood that remained. “Huh. Would you look at that…” he said, staring at his arm when he pulled it off.

“That really never occurred to you?”

“Well, I’ve never really had a reason to try to do it.”

“I’m sure I’m overstepping, but I’m curious. You act like you and Changgu are sworn enemies, but you let him directly feed from you, venom and everything. Why?”

Shinwon shook his head. “It’s complicated.”

“Oh, I can see that clearly. You guys have got a lot to sort out.”

“You have no idea…” he sighed. In the other room, Changgu was still snoring. 

* * *

Changgu was in a bad mood. As they walked through the woods, Shinwon could practically feel the negativity radiating off of him. He’d woken up a couple hours after MJ had woken Shinwon up, glowering at them both. When they’d left MJ’s, he’d shuffled behind them, kicking stones off into the underbrush. He was like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

MJ ignored whatever was wrong with Changgu, chattering away excitedly about the most random series of things. Shinwon tried to follow his train of thought but he switched topics so rapidly that it was hard to make sense of. His chatter fell away abruptly and he stopped without warning. Shinwon ran into his back and almost fell over. He started to open his mouth to ask what MJ was doing but the other held up a hand.

In the underbrush, there was a low growling. It wasn’t quite like an animal. There was something inherently _wrong_ about it. MJ was frowning. “Now would be a good time to use your magic,” he said. 

Shinwon didn’t get the chance to ask what he was talking about as something lept from the underbrush. He heard MJ curse and he heard a confused shout come from Changgu behind him. He felt claws and then he was falling over. “What the-“ he channeled a burst of flames towards whatever was knocking him over, and his ears were met with a blood curdling scream. He felt drops of slobber fall onto his face, and if he didn’t know better, he’d say he was being attacked by a wolf or something. But this? While its body might have been shaped somewhat the same as a wolf’s, that was where the similarities ended. 

There was a head, yes, and the head was shaped roughly the same as a wolf’s should be, but it was all wrong. When it opened its jaw to gnash its teeth at him, it tore its face in half down the middle, revealing row upon row of dark teeth. Where its eyes should have been were two black pits. It didn’t have any ears that Shinwon could see, and it’s body was smooth and dark like it was covered in oil. 

Shinwon screamed, channeling another burst of fire at the _thing,_ but it only dug its claws into his shoulders harder. He was aware of the sound of MJ cursing as he fought off more of them and the sound of Changgu struggling and seeming to get more impatient with each _thing_ that charged at him. “Get off of me,” he shouted, bringing his hand upward and focusing energy into the thing. It screamed that same blood curdling sound, but when it went to lunge at Shinwon’s face, it came short. It continued trying to reach for him, but it only moved further away as Shinwon concentrated on making it float into the air. “That’s enough,” he said, pushing himself into a sitting position as he continued to focus his energy on the _thing._ It froze, and although it didn’t have eyes, Shinwon got the feeling that it was staring at him as if pleading. And then it exploded. 

Shinwon flinched as he was covered in the remains of the creature, but he didn’t have the time to worry about it because there were still at least a dozen more surrounding the trio. 

“What the hell are these things?” He cried in frustration as he moved towards a group of them that had surrounded Changgu. 

“You haven’t run into any yet? I’ve been calling them hellhounds, but I don’t know what they actually are-“ MJ said as he wrapped his arms around one. Shinwon looked away as a sickening crunch echoed above the chaos. 

“Seems fitting enough,” he moved towards one of them, channeling energy into it and making it float as he’d done with the previous one. He was beginning to get a migraine and he was sure he was past his limits. He needed to rest, but that wasn’t exactly an option for the moment. He looked away as he made it explode. 

“Shinwon,” Changgu shouted as he wrenched one off of himself.

“I’m kinda busy right now…”

“Shinwon no, b-“ Changgu gave up on finishing his sentence, moving towards him quickly even though he was still surrounded by hellhounds. Shinwon didn’t have the time to ask what the hell he was doing because the other was shoving him out of the way. Shinwon watched as a larger hound lunged for Changgu, its teeth closing around his neck hard.

“Oh no you don’t,” Shinwon moved towards it, beginning to pull at the energy around him. His head spun dangerously but it didn’t matter. He wrapped his arms around the hellhound’s neck before focusing his energy into it. It exploded, covering both him and Changgu in its remains. 

And Changgu? Changgu was staring up at him, a strange expression on his face as he wheezed. His neck was gashed open and if he were a human, then he wouldn’t have survived. Shinwon glanced back at MJ. There were only a handful of the hounds left and he was handling them pretty well on his own. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Shinwon shouted, but he knew Changgu couldn’t answer. Not in his current state. He shook his head before pressing his arm down to Changgu’s mouth. The other frowned but then grabbed onto it, biting down. And Shinwon? 

He immediately passed out. 

* * *

He woke up to water being splashed on his face. 

He sat up too quick, his head spinning as he looked around wildly. His clothes were drenched in blood and gore and now he was wet and cold. Changgu and MJ were on either side of him, staring at him in concern.

“You need to be more careful,” Changgu began to say, and that was just rich coming from him. 

“I need to be more careful?” Shinwon repeated calmly. 

MJ sighed, shaking his head. “Here we go,” he said before pushing himself up and walking away. 

“Yes. You could have-“

“You almost died, Changgu. That thing would have ripped your head off if I hadn’t gotten to it-“

“I’m a fucking vampire, I can survive a bite. If I hadn’t been there, it would have done the same to you instead, and you would be fucking dead-“ Changgu’s voice rose into a shout. 

“You can survive a bite but I don’t think even a vampire can survive getting his goddamn head ripped off. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What the hell is wrong with me!? I was trying to save you, you fucking asshole.”

“And I was trying to save you! I’m not as defenseless as you think. Why the hell do you care so much?”

“Because I-“ he faltered, and whatever inner turmoil he was going through, Shinwon wasn’t sure he had the patience for it. “Because I love you, okay? Is that you wanted to hear? Is that the answer you were waiting for?” 

_Oh._

Shinwon opened his mouth to speak, but then he closed it again.

“I don’t know why any of this has to happen and I’m sorry that I fucked everything up, okay? I know my apology doesn’t mean shit, but I can’t lose you,” Changgu continued. Shinwon wanted to scream. He wanted to punch him. He wanted to do a billion things, but instead he just shook his head.

“Well, I can’t lose you either,” he pushed himself up. His muscles screamed in pain and his head was pounding and he felt himself about to black out again. “Christ, Changgu, how much did you take?”

“Barely anything. As soon as you passed out, I let go.” 

Shinwon glanced at his neck and he knew the other was being honest. The wounds hadn’t healed completely and it resulted in a scarred mess. He was being pulled very thin at the moment and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to insist Changgu take more in order to heal himself better, or if he wanted to punch Changgu, or if he wanted to scream in frustration at his untimely confession. 

“Maybe you should focus on yourself,” Changgu continued speaking. “You keep putting everybody else above yourself and you don’t have enough magic or energy for any of it. First you had me feed on you, and then you had MJ feed on you, and you keep overexerting yourself with your magic. I don’t know why you have it in your head that you have to do everything, but you can’t keep-“ Shinwon punched him. 

Changgu reeled back, reaching for the spot and staring at Shinwon in shock. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Everything,” Shinwon shouted. His voice cracked but he didn’t care. He pulled his arm back to punch Changgu again, but this time the other was ready, catching his fist in his hand. 

“Stop it before you pass out again-“

Shinwon tried to pull his arm out of Changgu’s grip but the other held his hand tightly. “Let me go, you asshole.”

“Not until you calm down-“

“Calm down!? I’m stuck here with you and everything that could possibly go wrong keeps going wrong! Nobody in their right mind would calm down if they were in my shoes,” Shinwon said, straining against Changgu. The other let go as he was pulling at his arm again, causing him to lose balance and fall back. 

Changgu sighed, shaking his head before walking over to Shinwon and extending a hand to help him up. Shinwon glared at the hand for a moment, debating swatting it away, but then he took it, letting the other pull him up. But then he lunged for Changgu, tacking him to the ground.

“What are you even trying to accomplish, Shinwon?” Changgu shouted, before moving to shove Shinwon off of him. 

In all honesty, he had absolutely no idea what he was trying to accomplish. He was tired and angry and stressed and a billion other things at once and he just needed an outlet for it. Changgu just happened to be the best possible outlet. 

Changgu moved so that he was pinning Shinwon down, straddling him and holding onto his wrists to keep him from lashing out again. “If you don’t get a grip, I’ll use compulsion on you.”

Shinwon glared at him. 

“I know that everything about this situation is fucked up and that there’s absolutely no way for me to even begin to make up for the shit I’ve done, but right now I’d like to focus on surviving, okay? And I’d like to find a river to jump in because honestly? I don’t appreciate being covered in hellhound guts.”

Shinwon tilted his head back and screamed in frustration. “Let me go.”

“What’s the magic word?”

“Let me go before I use magic on you, asshole.”

Changgu sighed, shaking his head, frustration and disappointment clear on his features. He let go of Shinwon’s wrists though, but made no move to climb off of him, instead continuing to stare at him with the most genuine expression in the world. Shinwon wasn’t sure if he wanted to punch him again or… he wasn’t even sure what he wanted anymore.

“When you wanted me to feed on you, you said I couldn’t go trapezing around here and let myself waste away. You told me I had to take care of myself. All I’m asking is for you to do the same. Please.”

Even though he said please, Shinwon got the feeling that he wasn’t asking. If he kept being reckless, he was sure that the other would compel him into taking care of himself. Still, he couldn’t make that promise. He’d always found himself worrying about everybody else more than himself. If he had to be compelled into not worrying, then so be it. 

“How long?”

He was backtracking, sure, and maybe it was unnerving to think about, but Changgu’s earlier words kept playing on loop in the back of his mind despite how much he’d tried to ignore them. 

_Because I love you, okay?_

He had to be delusional, right? It had to be some sort of result of the bond. That was what Shinwon wanted to convince himself, even if he knew full well that wasn’t how it worked. Maybe it made them want to be close and maybe feeding was much more intimate than not, but Shinwon knew from first hand experience that feeding, venom, and a bond still weren’t enough to change someone’s true thoughts and feelings. But blaming everything on the bond would have been so much easier than the other option.

“What?” Changgu stared down at him in confusion.

“How long? Earlier. You said you loved me.”

Changgu frowned, his features getting darker. He moved to get up but Shinwon reached for his wrist. “Drop it, Shinwon.”

“People don’t just say I love you in the middle of an argument for no reason. I’m not dropping it.”

Changgu shook his head, laughing weakly. “Why does it matter to you? I meant it, sure, but I know better than to try anything. I’ve screwed up enough things for you as it is.”

Shinwon opened his mouth to speak again, but he didn’t even know what he planned to say. Whatever it was, he never got the chance to find out because Changgu was holding up a hand. “Don’t. Just forget I said anything.”

“You can’t expect me to just-“

“Then what? Do you have some master plan? Some way to make everything okay? Because I sure as hell don’t. I just wanna make sure you survive this in one piece, and knocking yourself out from overexerting yourself isn’t helpful. Just promise me you’ll take it easy for a while, okay?”

“Fine,” Shinwon let go of Changgu’s wrist and let the other get off, but he made no move to get up from the underbrush. 

“I’m gonna go find MJ, and then hopefully we can find some shelter and a place to wash up,” Changgu said before retreating into the underbrush. Shinwon stared up at the murky redness of the sky and the barren branches of the trees. Some things were easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please lemme know what you think hehe! I’m goin through some writers block at the moment, but I have a few chapters ahead of this already written, so hopefully I can keep updating weekly~
> 
> Also I thought there was a typo in here somewhere but when I went to edit it, I couldn’t find it so 🤡✌️


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao I am posting this on my lunch break and I haven’t read it over at all so fghdfkgjhd, 
> 
> Enjoy <3

“Hey.”

Shinwon woke to a hand tapping his cheek lightly and he squinted as he swatted it away. “Five more minutes,” he grumbled, rolling over and nestling his head in something decidedly soft and warm. 

“No, I can hear someone or something nearby and I’d rather not stick around long enough to find out what it is,” MJ said. “If you two are content to die passed out against a tree, then be my guest.”

Shinwon opened his eyes and frowned. He heard Changgu sigh, or rather felt it as he realized he’d fallen asleep leaning into the other. “Morning,” he grumbled, pushing himself away, frown deepening. Changgu blinked at Shinwon sleepily before stretching out his arms, face scrunching up as he yawned. It was almost… it didn’t matter what it was. Shinwon shook his head, brushing himself off and turning to face MJ. “Where are we headed, Captain?”

“Your guess is as good as mine. I just don’t like staying in the same place for too long. The goal is to not run into things that want to kill us.”

“Right…” Shinwon said, frowning. It’d been at least a week since the run in with the hellhounds - longer for all he knew - but they were all still on edge from it. Changgu’s wound was mostly healed, but that was due to vampires naturally healing quicker than humans. MJ and Changgu had firmly shut Shinwon down when he offered to help. 

“If you’re supposedly the one who’s gonna get us out of here, we can’t have you dying on us from overworking yourself and becoming a walking blood bag,” MJ had said. Shinwon knew he was right, but he still wanted to argue it. He knew nothing good would come of it though. He didn’t want to get in another fist fight with Changgu either because things were already complicated with him as it was. There really was no winning. 

The pair followed MJ as he led the way through the forest. Shinwon couldn’t tell if it was familiar or if it was just because everything in Purgatory was vaguely familiar. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d been there before. Maybe it was the way the trees were spaced evenly apart as if they’d all been planted in orderly rows. But then he saw the buildings in the distance and his steps faltered.

“MJ… this place…”

“What about it?”

“I’ve been here before. It’s been a few years and it looks totally different in our world, but this is where I… I think this is the university I went to before I dropped out…” he frowned. The mixture of old and new buildings was recognizable to his eyes. It was almost eerie to realize that he’d stumbled upon his old college campus in the middle of the woods. Trees and other plants grew where roads should have been and vines and ivy crawled up the walls of the buildings without regard. 

“Huh. I’ve yet to stumble upon this place and I’ve seen all sorts of things since being here. One time I was being chased through the woods by hounds and I popped out of the treeline and wanna know what I saw?”

“What?” Shinwon humored him.

“The Eiffel Tower. It was less grand because it was crawling with even more hellhounds and other horrible beasties. An absolute nightmare, if you ask me,” MJ frowned.

“How you managed to survive for so long on your own is probably one of the greatest mysteries of Purgatory.”

“Hey! I’ll have you know I am very agile and my dexterity is unmatched!”

“Right…”

“Do you think there’s anything salvageable here?” Changgu spoke up. He’d barely spoken since the encounter with the hellhounds, and hearing his voice was strange. 

Shinwon shrugged, turning to face him but refusing to meet his eyes. “Your guess is as good as mine. At the very least, there’s plenty of places we could hide.”

“I dunno,” MJ began, frowning. “I still can hear whatever I heard earlier. Are you sure staying here is the best idea?”

“It only sounds like one person to me though. Whoever it is, we could probably take them,” Changgu said. MJ cast a worried look at Shinwon, but he just shrugged. He felt like he’d gotten a decent amount of his energy back, and although he wasn’t itching for another fight, their odds felt pretty good. Besides, they didn’t find buildings very often - let alone a whole college campus. Even if they couldn’t find a lot of things, they still had plenty of space to rest. 

“Well then, I guess Shinwon can lead the way,” MJ gestured ahead. “I’d assume he knows where anything good might have popped up.”

“That’s assuming that Purgatory didn’t warp the entire campus, but it looks more or less like it’s the same layout for now…” Shinwon said, beginning to walk. He recognized the area they’d emerged into was the north part of campus. They walked past a husk of wire and metal that’d once been covered in windows and more metal; it was an art museum, so he highly doubted anything useful would be in there. It clashed with the other buildings around it, which were all older and dated and had ivy clinging to their bricks. They were hypothetically close to a cluster of dorms that had a dining hall, so if anything, maybe they might get lucky if he raided the food storage. He’d briefly worked a gig at the dining hall, so he knew where it was located in the building. He just hoped he’d find something helpful and more importantly edible. While he’d brought some of the food from MJ’s with him, it wasn’t very much to live off of and he wanted something more substantial than canned fruit and dried meat. 

The building that the dining hall was in was a weird mix of dated architecture and stuff that’d been remodeled. Where usually there was a wall of windows looking into the dining hall was only the frames that held the glass up. Most of the glass lay scattered and broken with only a couple of windows near the top still in tact. Shinwon carefully stepped over the glass and into the room. It was eerie seeing the emptiness of the dining hall. He’d only ever been there during peak times so he’d only ever seen it when it was jam packed full of students.

“I didn’t know you went to a big university,” Changgu broke the quiet, glass crunching under his boots.

“Why would you know?”

“Fair point,” he shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Besides, I dropped out. It wasn’t for me.”

“What were you studying while you were there?”

“Why does it matter to you?”

“Just curious…”

“Well I was undecided. I didn’t know what I wanted to go into so the classes I took were pretty random. I debated going into religious studies though. The couple of classes I took for that were super interesting.” 

Changgu said nothing in response to that as Shinwon lead them past the overturned chairs and tables. He lead them to the back, carefully pushing open a swinging door that lead into the kitchen. As he suspected, it was mostly empty, counters covered in soot and ash. He didn’t bother looking in the freezer or coolers because anything inside would likely be rotten, but he lead them past shelves of pans and tubs to a door that lead to stairs. “Hopefully there’s something down here,” he sighed, pushing the door open. He winced as it creaked loudly, but nothing exploded and the world didn’t come crashing down so he continued down the stairs.

“How do you know where you’re going?”

“I worked here while I was a student. It wasn’t the best job but it paid well enough and the students were polite for the most part. It was nice not dealing with any grumpy middle aged people,” he shrugged. The door that opened into the basement hallway was no longer attached, instead leaning precariously against the frame. Shinwon moved past it, peering both ways down the hall. It was dark and he doubted that the lights would work. He held up his hand, channeling just enough energy to turn it into a torch. “This way,” he said, moving to push open a set of double doors with his free hand. 

For the most part, the shelves in the storeroom were empty, but he found a couple cans of vegetables. There were also a couple of boxes of various condiments, but he didn’t disrupt them. He knew from experience how much of a pain in the ass they were to carry, and he wasn’t sure what they’d even do with a giant bag of ketchup in the first place. He backed out of the room, pushing open another set of double doors across the hall. This one would have fewer things he could grab because it contained mostly spices and other cooking materials, but it didn’t hurt to check. The shelves in this storeroom were similarly barren, but there was an entire box of coffee packets that were unopened as well as a couple boxes of fruity pebbles. Shinwon shoved one of the boxes of cereal into his backpack and then grabbed a handful of coffee.

“Wow… nutritious…” MJ said.

“I don’t exactly have many options, I’ll take what I can get,” Shinwon said, pulling the zipper on his backpack closed. “Besides, I don’t know the last time I’ve had coffee. I’m sure I can figure out some sort of way to make this.”

“Alright, well if we’re done here, then where to next?”

Shinwon gave a noncommittal shrug.

“Well, you’re the one who knows the campus, not us…”

“Right. Well, I don’t think there’s going to be much more in terms of useful things in this building or neighborhood for that matter, unless you wanna do some arts and crafts. We might be able to find something useful at the surplus store, but that banks on Purgatory being consistent with the layout of campus. It’ll take us a bit to get there…”

“Then lead the way,” MJ said, patting Shinwon on the shoulder with a smile. “Besides, it’s not like we haven’t walked before!”

Shinwon nodded slowly before leading them out of the basement of the cafeteria. There was a door that led outside connected to the stairwell so he lead them that way before looking around. From what he could see, things seemed consistent enough, but the trees and plants that had taken over everything were disorienting. “Let’s hope the bridges are in tact, otherwise, we’ll have to go for a swim,” he said, sighing as be began walking away from the building. The first bridge they came across was crumbling and falling apart, but he lead them west, down the river until they reached a different bridge. Thankfully, this one was in tact, although not in the best condition. One of the sides of it had caved in, but the side that hadn’t seemed sturdy enough for them to cross. 

They made their way across slowly, despite Shinwon insisting that it looked safe. Changgu said he wouldn’t take any chances, and every time there was even the slightest crunch of gravel or sound of cement crumbling into the river below, he’d make them freeze, waiting until he was sure that they were on stable ground. They were pretty much across the bridge. Changgu took a step onto the grass, followed by Shinwon.

“See, that wasn’t so hard was it?” MJ began, taking another step, but the pavement gave way under him. 

Shinwon reacted before he knew what he was doing, reaching out for MJ with all of his energy. The other stared at him, face caught between wanting to scream and relief at being saved, and Shinwon focused on keeping the stream of magic between him and MJ steady as he slowly raised him back up onto the ground. Once he was sure the other had his balance, he let go. 

“Spoke too soon?” MJ offered, smiling apologetically. 

“That’s what I’m here for,” Shinwon laughed shakily. His heart was in his throat at the prospect of MJ falling into the river, but then again, he was a vampire. He would have been fine because it wasn’t even that much of a fall. 

Changgu frowned, shaking his head. “Be more careful. Come on,” he began walking again. Shinwon fell into step next to him, standing close enough that they bumped shoulders. 

“Are you alright?” 

”Shinwon, we’re stuck in purgatory. Are any of us alright?”

“I know but… you’ve just seemed really on edge lately… even more than before.”

“After watching the only person I- you know what, drop it,” Changgu sighed. 

Shinwon stopped, turning to face the other. “I’m not gonna drop it. You should know that I don’t drop things by now, you idiot. We’ve been stuck here for what feels like months already, but who knows how long it actually has been. And who knows how much longer we’ll be here. Clearly we need to talk and work through some things, because if I’m gonna be stuck with you, I don’t wanna have to deal with you sulking constantly.” 

“And how? How do we work any of this out?”

Shinwon shrugged. “If there’s a will, there’s a way.”

“That’s awfully optimistic of you.”

“Listen. Things are messed up and crazy and confusing but I know the difference between myself and the bond and the venom-“

“So what? I don’t want you cozying up to me because it’s convenient for you and you think it’ll make me less moody. That’s fucking stupid and fake-“

Shinwon laughed. “Convenient? Really, Changgu? Absolutely nothing about any of this is convenient. You’re probably the least convenient thing about being here. Have you ever stopped and considered that not everything is about you?”

“I hate to interrupt this… uh… lovely conversation that you two are having, but we should really continue on to the place you were talking about. I don’t like standing out in the open like this,” MJ said, hooking an arm around each of their shoulders. Changgu opened his mouth and closed it again, staring at Shinwon with a confused expression, and Shinwon just shook his head with a sigh.

“Come on then, let’s get going.” 

It took them about twenty more minutes to reach the surplus store in question. Twenty minutes of walking in possibly the most uncomfortable silence of any of their lives. MJ would periodically begin to whistle to break the silence, but Changgu was always quick to hush him or shoot him a glare. Things were tense and Shinwon was beginning to think that maybe he shouldn’t have said anything after all, but then again, Changgu would have still been moody if he’d been quiet. 

Shinwon let out a sigh of relief at the fact that the building was still standing. A few of the windows were shattered, but he was feeling particularly optimistic about the endeavor. Optimism was one of his best weapons, and he rubbed his hands together as he stepped up to the building, pushing the door open. Dust and ash flew into the air and he had a feeling that it’d been a while since the building had last seen anybody, whether they be dead or alive. He let out a low whistle as he looked around in the dim room. It was by no means full, but it may as well have been, considering how few things they’d found thus far. The shelves were cluttered with all sorts of random odds and ends, and while most of it was probably junk, Shinwon was more than positive that they’d find plenty of useful things.

“Shinwon, you absolute genius. I could kiss you right now,” MJ mused.

“I don’t think that’d be the best idea,” Shinwon said with a laugh. He didn’t miss the glare that Changgu sent MJ, and he sighed. “Well, I think it’d be best to split up and see what we can find. The building is pretty big and there’s much more here than I thought there’d be.” 

“No. I don’t want you walking around by yourself. Someone could be hiding.”

“Changgu. Dear. Buddy. Sweetie,” Shinwon began, turning to face the other. He was smiling, but he was sure that the venom in it was clear as day. “This building is big, but nobody’s gonna get lost, and if there was somebody here, one of you would have heard him. And, you’re not the boss of me. I don’t need you babying me every step I take,” he said. 

Changgu opened his mouth and closed it again before shaking his head and grumbling something under his breath. “That’s what I thought,” Shinwon said, before turning away and beginning to walk past some of the aisles. “I’m gonna start down there and make my way towards the middle of the room. MJ, you start by the entrance and meet me in the middle okay? Changgu? Go search that room,” he gestured towards a warehouse type room that was connected. “Don’t be intimidated by the size, because there’s probably going to be less things we can use in there anyways. Chop chop.” 

The vampires exchanged glances before nodding and heading in their respective directions. How Shinwon had ended up being the designated one in charge was beyond him. He felt like he barely knew what he was doing at any given time, but the pair didn’t have any further objections to his instructions. Maybe he was the one who might have the power to get them out of there, but that didn’t mean anything to him if they couldn’t figure out how.

He began to make his way down the aisle closest to him. It began with shelves that were mostly empty save for a couple of office chairs stacked precariously on them, but further down the aisle it led to various office supplies. He only glanced through it in passing as he was sure most of the things there wouldn’t be useful to them. The back corner of the room had some athletic gear scattered ranging from football helmets to padding for uniforms and a bucket that had a handful of hockey sticks. Shinwon reached for it, feeling the weight of it in his hand. It felt sturdy enough so he gave it a swing. He was sure he could deal a pretty good blow with it so he grabbed it. The bucket next to the hockey sticks was labeled as baseball bats, but it was empty. 

He rounded his way into the next aisle, which had another combination of office supplies and old athletic gear. He walked past most of it, following the aisle back towards the front of the store. At the front of the aisle, there were a few racks with some clothes hanging on them as well as some shelves that had a few shoes and hats and bags on them. He glanced at his own clothes. They were dirty and stained with blood and despite him having given his best attempt at washing them in a river, he felt like they still stunk of hellhound guts. Most of the clothes on the rack seemed in decent enough condition, although they were covered in dust. Maybe he could find something salvageable and in his size. He peered through the rack, finding a variety of shirts that the university probably had meant to hand out to students during some sort of event, but they had a shirt in his size. It was yellow and said “Out And Proud” with a link to the university’s resource center. He grabbed it, folding it over his arm, before looking to see if there was anything that might fit Changgu or MJ. He found shirts in both of their sizes and held back a laugh before putting them with the shirt he’d grabbed for himself. He continued looking through the rack, able to find a pair of camo pants in his size and a pair of boots that had seen better days, but at least they were his size. He couldn’t find anything to replace his jacket, so he’d just have to deal with the stains that splattered across it.

When he made his way to the center aisle, MJ was already about halfway down it. “Hey,” he called, causing MJ to jump. “I found you a shirt that’s not covered in blood,” he held up a purple tee that advertised the school’s women’s volleyball team, tossing it to the other. He caught it easily before holding it up and examining it. He shook his head with a laugh. 

“Really?”

“That was the only one that would fit you, and you should count yourself lucky, because look at this,” Shinwon held up the shirt he’d grabbed for Changgu for the other to see. 

MJ stared at it for a moment before bursting into laughter. 

“What’s funny?” 

Shinwon almost screamed when he heard Changgu’s voice behind him, and he was sure he’d visibly jumped. He hurried to collect himself before turning to face the other. “Oh Changgu~ We were just talking about you! I found you a shirt that’s not gross,” Shinwon said, grinning. 

Changgu stared at him blankly and let Shinwon place the shirt into his hands, before looking down at it with an unreadable expression. It was pink and tye-dyed with glitter all over it, and in the center of it was a pair of kittens wearing tiaras. 

“Thank you,” Changgu said, neatly folding up the shirt. 

“I… you’re welcome?” Shinwon blinked, unsure of how to respond. He’d half expected Changgu to be pissy about it, and the thanks had caught him off guard. “Anyways, find anything useful?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, pulling a backpack he’d found off his back and opening it. “I found a couple sleeping bags - there were only two in salvageable condition though so someone will have to go without one, unfortunately. I also found some matches and a pocket knife.” 

“Nice,” Shinwon said, examining the contents of Changgu’s bag with a nod of approval, before turning to MJ. “What about you?”

“Oh! I found a bunch of hotel shampoos and body washes! I grabbed a decent amount because soap doesn’t exactly turn up frequently. They’re just the little hotel bottles, but that’s like way better than nothing. Also, I found this,” he said, pulling out a sword. 

Shinwon gawked. 

“That sure beats my hockey stick… now I feel kinda dumb.”

“Hey, a hockey stick is an honorable weapon too,” MJ said with a shrug before sliding the sword back in its sheath. He attached it to his belt as if it were nothing. 

“Remind me not to piss you off.”

“You’re more worried about me having a sword than the fact that both me and your companion are vampires? Huh.”

“I dunno. You don’t look very threatening on your own, but with a sword? I don’t wanna get on your bad side,” Shinwon said, holding up his hands in defense.

MJ just laughed. “You don’t have to worry about that. It’s pretty hard to piss me off,” he said, smiling brightly. “Should we find a place to make camp for the time being?”

Shinwon nodded. “We’re not right by any of the dorms but it’ll probably only take use about ten… maybe fifteen minutes to walk to one.”

“Actually, we could stay here,” Changgu offered. “When I was looking through that other room, there were lofts and even some futons. They all seemed in pretty good condition if you’d rather stay here instead of hoping we find something else usable.”

“No objections here. I’m tired,” MJ said with a shrug. 

“That’s fine with me if neither of you are worried,” Shinwon said after a moment. If he was being honest, he was tired too. More mentally than physically, but maybe he could find something to help pass the time if they were going to stay at the surplus store. Changgu nodded. “Lead the way then.”

Shinwon and MJ followed Changgu into the warehouse room that was connected to the main store. It wasn’t as cluttered in terms of random odds and ends, but it did have tons of random furniture thrown together haphazardly. A bunch of dividers lined part of the room, meant to make a wall to keep customers from wandering back into the storage area. On their side of the dividers were a couple futons and a loft, but Changgu pushed past one of the dividers to point out a handful of more lofts as well as some couches and other furniture. “Dibs,” MJ said.

Shinwon turned to look at him in confusion. “What do you mean dibs? Dibs on what?”

“This side of the room,” he said with a grin.

“You can’t call dibs on a whole half of the- you know what? Okay, fine,” Changgu sighed, shaking his head in exasperation.

“I can, and I did. I like my space. Also I don’t know how much longer I can deal with you two being… you two,” he said, shrugging like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Shinwon raised an eyebrow at that, shooting Changgu a glance. The other just sighed again. 

“Okay. You win. Not like there’s not perfectly good futons over there anyways,” Shinwon said, giving in. 

“Great. I’m exhausted. Chop chop, I need my beauty sleep,” MJ said, clapping his hands together before practically shoving Shinwon and Changgu back through the divider, only to pull it shut. 

“What was that about?” Changgu asked, turning to face Shinwon in confusion.

“I have my suspicions. Come on, might as well get comfortable,” Shinwon gestured for Changgu to follow him. He unceremoniously threw himself onto a futon that was folded down already. The fabric was worn and grey and dust flew up around him, but he didn’t care. Changgu just stared at him. “Do you need an invitation?” He patted the space next to him. “Last I checked, you’re the one who bites, not me.”

“Are you sure-“

“I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve fallen asleep on your shoulder, Changgu. Besides, the bond makes it so I usually sleep like a baby when I’m near you,” Shinwon shrugged as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, but one look at Changgu said that maybe it wasn’t. He frowned, tentatively sitting down next to Shinwon. 

“Right. Just sleeping.” 

“Hey,” Shinwon sat up, searching the other’s features for answers. He wasn’t even sure what he was trying to find an answer to, but things had been confusing for such a long time. If he was being honest with himself, things had been confusing before they’d even found MJ. “I don’t hate you, and while there’s some things that can’t be forgiven, those things are out of hand. Neither of us can change anything that happened in the past, so the sooner you stop beating yourself up over it and simply accept the fact that you’ve made mistakes, the better. Maybe I didn’t ask to be stuck here with you, and sure, this is both of our faults, but you’ve been growing on me. When you’re not nagging me and being over-protective, you’re not half-bad.”

“So?” Changgu absently reached for one of Shinwon’s hands, moving his finger along it and tracing the veins. It was a soft gesture and not one that Shinwon would ever have expected from the other, but at the same time, it immediately put him at ease. 

“So? I’m saying I like you, alright.” 

“But what if-“

“It’s not just the bond, Changgu. I know that much. Maybe being stuck in this place made me a little crazy, but I can still tell the difference between myself and that. Sure, it makes me want to be around you, but…” Shinwon paused, looking down at his hand in Changgu’s, debating his next move carefully. Maybe saying he was a little crazy was an understatement, and maybe he was a complete idiot, but it didn’t matter to him in that moment. “It doesn’t make me want to do this,” his voice dropped to a whisper as he leaned in. His lips only lightly brushed against Changgu’s, barely a ghost of a kiss. Changgu took a sharp breath, pulling back slightly.

“Shinwon, I… are you sure about this?”

“I’m more sure than I have been about pretty much anything else since being here,” Shinwon said, shrugging. Changgu stared at him, eyes darting down to his lips as he seemed to have an existential crisis in his mind, but then he was sighing and shaking his head, dropping Shinwon’s hand. For a moment, Shinwon thought he was about to get up and leave, but then he was reaching up, tangling his hands in his hair as he leaned in to kiss him. Any hesitation that he’d had in his features seemed to dissolve and Shinwon melted into the kiss. His lips were chapped and they were both grimy from being on the run for so long, but none of it mattered. Maybe nothing about their situation made sense anymore, but none of it mattered. How could any of it matter when they fit together so perfectly and Changgu was kissing Shinwon like it was the last thing he’d ever do. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for much longer than I care to admit,” Changgu said as he pulled back for air, his lips still close enough that they ghosted over Shinwon’s own as he spoke. 

“Well now you have my full permission to do that… and anything else, for that matter,” Shinwon said, laughing quietly. He leaned in, giving Changgu another quick peck on the lips. 

“Well… since you’re offering yourself to me…” Changgu looked thoughtful for a moment, but then he gave a smile that was too sweet to be real. “Let’s just sleep, okay? I’m pretty drained, and I’m sure you need rest too.”

Shinwon blinked, but nodded. “Do you need to feed? It’s been a while since you last did.”

Changgu shook his head. “I’ll be fine for a little longer. Besides, I don’t wanna ruin the moment with my venom,” he shrugged. 

“I’d have never guessed you’d be such a softie. But I won’t push you if you say you’re fine,” Shinwon said. He leaned back, stretching out with a yawn. “Sleeping would be nice, anyways.” Changgu laid back next to him, eyes distant as he reached for Shinwon’s hand again.

“Are we gonna be okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“After we figure out how to get back. I don’t even expect you to look past the things I’ve done, but what about the others? I don’t wanna ruin things for you…” Changgu’s voice was soft as he gently traced his finger along Shinwon’s palm.

“I don’t know. Nothing about any of this has been easy, so I guess it’ll be another thing we’ll have to work past, but honestly? I’d much rather let things happen as they are than be miserable trying to bottle it up. Whatever happens, we can worry about it once we get there, okay? Right now, let’s just focus on the present.”

“Okay,” Changgu said, bringing Shinwon’s hand down and placing a soft kiss on the back of it. Then, he rolled onto his side, nestling his head in Shinwon’s shoulder and draping an arm across him. “Thank you,” he yawned. 

“You don’t have to thank me for anything,” Shinwon laughed softly, turning just enough to place another quick kiss on top of his head. Changgu was quiet after that and soon Shinwon could hear him snoring softly. He was still wide awake, his mind moving at a million miles a minute. He wasn’t sure when sleep found him, all he knew was that one moment he was staring at the vents and wires that covered the warehouse ceiling, and the next he was slipping into uneasy dreams. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMFAO EDIT: there was a random bit of dialogue that was in the wrong place bc I must have forgot to take it out while I was rearranging things so I fixed it and now it makes sense again :")


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda short but we’re back to Yanan’s POV for a glimpse of where they are ;0 It’s gonna start to really pick up in a couple chapters though, just u wait ;0

Time was flying by quicker than Yanan was comfortable with. It was already nearing the end of September and seeing the leaves changing colors and falling off of the trees did little for his ease, or anyone else’s for that matter. It felt like they were running in circles, searching for the tiniest fragments of information with little luck on putting anything concrete together. It was infuriating. Add that with the fact that the last message he’d gotten from Shinwon said “hard to stay away from trouble when he follows you,” and it had been well over a week since then, and it was safe to say that Yanan was pretty on edge. 

It was the “he,” within the message that unnerved him the most. Changgu was following Shinwon around Purgatory doing who knows what and there was nothing any of them could do about it. He’d explained his worries to both Hui and Hyunggu and they’d both nodded and hummed in understanding, but neither of them had a resolution in mind either. 

“Shinwon’s a fighter. I doubt he’ll let Changgu pull anything,” Hyunggu had said as an attempt at reassuring him.

“It’s been literal centuries since I called him my friend, but honestly? He’s probably letting Shinwon do whatever he wants and just following him like a lost puppy. That was how he was with me before…”

“Really?”

“Well, he wasn’t exactly the most passive person, but yeah. He’d pull his own weight when it was needed, and sometimes he’d argue with me on things, but for the most part, he just let me take the lead,” Hui frowned. “Who knows, maybe Purgatory is just what Changgu needs to realize how terrible he got. Maybe Shinwon will knock some sense into him,” he had laughed in an attempt at being optimistic, but Yanan wasn’t able to share that same optimism. He just wanted Shinwon to be safe. 

And since that conversation, he’d heard nothing. The radio silence only added to his worries. What if something had happened. What if Changgu had tried something. 

Yanan was stewing in his worries, staring at the countertop in front of him when the bell rang as the door to Adagio flew open. While the shop had been temporarily closed - partially for repairs and partially because everybody needed time - they’d reopened when Hyunggu realized that finding Shinwon wouldn’t happen overnight. As much as they were trying to find him and find answers, they couldn’t put everything else on hold for an undetermined amount of time. 

So now Yanan was putting on a mask of indifference as a familiar figure wisped up to the counter, running a hand through their rusty hair and giving him a friendly hello.

“Hey Brick,” he sighed. 

The other had been more than willing to pick up extra hours to give both Yanan and Hyunggu time to rest, and while he’d felt bad about it at first, the ghost had insisted that it was fine and that they were already dead so it wasn’t like it’d make them tired. Yanan didn’t really know much about ghosts so he wasn’t about to argue with them over it, instead reluctantly agreeing. 

“You said you wanted me to come in early so that you could ask me something right?”

“Yeah,” Yanan nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. He felt bad bringing it up, but Brick was someone they hadn’t thought to gather information from. They were a ghost, which meant they’d been in Purgatory one way or another. While as far as he knew, Brick didn’t remember much, it was still worth it to ask.

“You’re not asking me out, right? Because I don’t know if I can compete with your other-“

“I’m not asking you out, unfortunately,” Yanan laughed, some of the tension lifting from his shoulders.

“Okay, good. Because I also don’t know if a relationship between a human and a ghost would be practical…” they trailed off, resting their chin in their thumb as if debating the logistics for a moment, but then they blinked, looking back up at Yanan. “So what’s up? Y’all have been stretching yourselves thin and I don’t really know what happened, but I know that it must have been bad.”

“It was. I actually was wondering if… I know we don’t really talk about it, but I need to know if you remember anything about Purgatory.”

“Oh…” they frowned. “I… I’m sorry, but there’s not a lot I can remember. Sometimes I’ll remember things, but never very much. Why?”

“Well… that’s why Shinwon hasn’t been around lately. He’s trapped there. We’re trying to figure out if we can get him back here,” Yanan shook his head, laughing weakly.

“Shit. I didn’t realize it was that bad. Listen… I’ll tell you what I  _ do  _ remember but I don’t think it’ll be of much use in trying to get him back here… nothing I remember is exactly good, you know?”

Yanan nodded slowly.

“Well… I remember that it was disorienting. Like when you’re in a nightmare and you can’t ever seem to get where you’re trying to because everything keeps changing, but that’s how everything is there. And you don’t really notice it either until it's too late. I also remember that it’s lonely. I think it has to do with the fact that it keeps changing, but I can’t remember running into many other ghosts or people there. But there’s also these… I don’t know… these  _ things.  _ I don’t know if demons exist, but if they did, I’d say that’s what they were.”

“What do you mean?”

“The dead and the lost aren’t the only ones there,” Brick said, eyes blank as they stared at Yanan’s shoulder with a frown. “These things that live there? They try to hunt down any and everything they see. They don’t care if you’re a ghost or a person. That’s the main thing I remember.”

“What?”

“Well, I’m a ghost. I was already dead. But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t die again. Most of my memories are of those demons. Anytime they’d find me, I’d respawn again like in a video game or some shit. I think they’re part of the reason I can’t remember a lot. I think that every time they got me, they took a little more of me… or at least a little more of whoever I was before I died. And now I’m just Brick.”

Yanan frowned. “That’s a lot. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how bad it was there…”

“Neither did I,” Brick said with an easy shrug. “When I first appeared here, I didn’t remember anything about Purgatory. Now I just have these random snippets. But don’t be sorry. I didn’t feel any of it whenever they got me. It was always just kinda numb there. But I’m dead, so of course I’d come back. Shinwon…” they trailed off with a frown as if debating whether or not to finish their sentence. “If something were to happen to him there, I don’t know if there’d be any coming back from that.”

Yanan nodded slowly. It wasn’t comforting to hear, but he’d rather get the horrifying truth over some sugar coated lie. “Thank you for everything,” he eventually said, trying to keep his voice steady and confident. “Shinwon’s a fighter. He’s made it this long, I have faith in him,” he said. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to reassure Brick or himself more. 

“Me too. He seems too stubborn to let a few demons get in his way. I’m sure he’ll be back before you know it,” they said, with a soft smile. Then they stood up on their toes, reaching up to ruffle Yanan’s hair. “Go get some rest, I can handle closing up, alright?”

“Alright. Just don’t get carried away making drinks for yourself,” Yanan laughed weakly. 

“I’m a ghost though, how am I gonna-“

“Don’t play innocent with me. I don’t know everything about ghosts but I do know you and your love for coffee,” Yanan said as he moved to grab his jacket from behind the counter. Brick stared at him with a pout. “Alright, you can make yourself a couple drinks. Just don’t use anything we’re low on,” he sighed. The ghost visibly brightened up and Yanan couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Go now. Get those z’s,” Brick said as they made their way behind the counter, already logging themself into the register. 

* * *

“I have absolutely no idea what any of this says,” Yanan said as he frowned at the book that’d been handed to him. 

“San’s the one who has been able to decipher the most of it, but if you ask me, it’s all the same. Just nonsensical scribbles. But there’s always been a method to his madness. Maybe he found out something before he…” Seonghwa trailed off with a frown. Next to him, San nodded, gesturing for Yanan to set the book back on the table so he could look at it.

“I’ve been able to decipher a portion of his notes, yeah. It’s really confusing and hard to understand though. He’s… he’s always been interested in Purgatory. I think it was the idea of different dimensions or something, but once he latched onto the idea, he never really let go. He needed to discover as much as he could. I just never expected…”

“Anything to come of it?” Yanan offered and San nodded.

“Most of the spells and experiments he did were pretty innocent and harmless. They usually had the intended effect of him learning more about the place, but they weren’t ever anything worrying, so none of us thought we needed to intervene. But most of what you’ve heard from other people checks out with what he wrote down. The changing landscape, the demons, the similarities to the real world.”

“So they  _ are _ demons?”

“Yeah. At least that’s what he called them. But the theory you guys have? About it overlapping with this world? Based on his notes, that’s pretty accurate. How in the hell he found out so much about Purgatory without actually going there is beyond me.”

“And what of Shinwon communicating with us? Has he done anything similar?”

Seonghwa and San both nodded in unison. “I was the first to find something. He scratched the message into my floorboards like an asshole,” Seonghwa shook his head with a sigh. “It was really creepy. It just said: ‘I’m Here’. I thought I was being haunted by his ghost or something, but then he found more ways to communicate and left more messages. None of them have been anything super long and it’s been a while since his last one, but from what I know, he can’t get back.”

“What do you mean?” Yanan frowned.

“I’m not really sure myself. He worded it in the most confusing way and hasn’t said anything since. He said ‘There is a way, but I don’t have the resources. Even if I had them, I wouldn’t be able to use them.’ What does that mean?”

“I… I don’t know. When did you get his last message?”

“Couple weeks ago,” San said quietly. “We’ve been trying to get out here since then because we knew it might help you. You’re welcome to keep his notes with you, if you think it’ll help.”

Yanan nodded, reaching for the book in front of him. “I can’t make sense of this thing at all, but I have a feeling that Hyojong might be able to. I don’t know your friend, but I have a feeling their minds work similarly. Thank you both so much.”

“Don’t mention it. Just. If there’s any way you can, please try to bring him back too,” Seonghwa’s eyes were pleading. 

“Of course.”

* * *

“So that spell we did to open the gateway…” Hyojong broke the silence abruptly. Yanan had been quick to bring the book to him as soon as he had the chance, and the other had been flipping through the pages for nearly a half an hour, face scrunched up in concentration as he scanned them. 

“What about it? Did he do something similar?”

“No, it’s not necessarily that,” Hyojong shook his head, tracing his finger along the handwriting that sprawled across the page. “That spell was powerful, yes? But it was also tied to this world. It was rooted in life and light, as most forms of magic here are, right?”

Yanan nodded slowly, trying to follow the other’s train of thought.

“Well, I’m not sure how he managed to discover it, but it seems like Purgatory is the opposite. The most predominant magic there is dark and death.”

“Do you think Shinwon still has access to his magic there?”

Hyojong nodded. “It’s not that he would be without magic there, and I’m sure he can do most of the same things, but since that’s not the primary magic that can be accessed there, using it probably takes much more out of him than it would here. But that’s not what my main concern is,” he frowned. 

“What is it?”

“Something about what you said Seonghwa told you. About his friend’s last message. ‘There is a way, but I don’t have the resources. Even if I had them, I wouldn’t be able to use them’. I think it might be related to the magic there.”

Yanan tilted his head in confusion, trying to catch up with Hyojong. If the main magic there was dark, then it could be possible that the means to opening a gateway to get back required dark magic. Yanan knew nothing of dark magic and he highly doubted Shinwon knew much unless he’d managed to teach himself some while there, but still…

“You think there might be some sort of price for the magic?”

Hyojong nodded. “It’s hard to tell what exactly it might mean. It’s not like I know anything about dark magic. It’s not exactly prevalent here, and users of it are very few and far between. But the way he worded the message makes me think there is some sort of price, and whatever it is can’t be good.”

Yanan frowned. “Do you think there’s any loopholes or ways around it?”

Hyojong shook his head. “It’s not that they don’t exist, but think about it. The pond that those witches found? While it might have appeared partially due to them messing up a spell, I don’t think that was the only thing to cause it to appear. That wouldn’t explain how sometimes things disappear from here or ghosts end up in our world. I think that they just happen. Maybe it’s due to a concentration of magical energy in a spot, but it’s hard to say. But I don’t think those are exactly common, and even if they were, it’d be hard to just stumble upon them. From what those guys told you, that gateway didn’t seem to last very long. It’s too faulty to rest all our hope on.”

“Shinwon, hang in there. Don’t do anything stupid,” Yanan muttered, before meeting Hyojong’s eyes again. “Do you think he’ll be alright? When he gets back?”

“You want the truth?

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know,” Hyojong shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “It’s hard to say what he might be dealing with there, and even if he seems to be managing fine there right now, there’s no telling what coming back might do for him. Especially if he has to use dark magic. Add the fact that Changgu’s there too and…” he trailed off frowning. “There’s too many factors. He’ll probably need time, and honestly? I wouldn’t be surprised if he needed space as well.”

“Changgu’s what’s been worrying me the most, if I’m being honest. It’s not that I don’t trust Shinwon to do everything in his power to get back here, but if that asshole is following him everywhere, nothing good will come of it.”

“Not to mention that since he pulled Shinwon in with him, opening the gateway was useless. They definitely still have that bond…”

Yanan frowned. “Yeah. That bond…” It was worrying at best and terrifying at worst. While he knew that Shinwon was capable and able to hold his own when it came to Changgu, he also knew that a bond that powerful could complicate things. 

“Listen, I don’t want to worry you any more than you already are but,” Hyojong took a deep breath, his eyes resting on the wall behind Yanan before wandering back to his face, “being stuck in a place like that for as long as he’s been? It can change a person. And the fact that he’s there with Changgu of all people… I’m sure they’ve been working together to survive and bond or not…”

“Things could change,” Yanan finished. 

“As much as it sucks to admit out loud, yeah. I know Hui and Hyunggu - Hui especially - have their own concerns when it comes to them, but I just. I’d be prepared for the fact that when Shinwon gets back, things won’t just be able to go back to how they were before,” Hyojong said, letting his words hang in the air. He was right, and Yanan knew it, but it didn’t make things less scary. Thinking of all the things that could happen or go wrong was one thing, but hearing it spoken out loud only made it more real. None of it sat well with him, but then again, he was sure it didn’t sit well with anybody. 

“Well, I won’t keep you longer. Thank you for looking over this for me,” Yanan said, moving to get up.

“No problem. If you don’t mind, I’m gonna keep it longer to have Hyuna look over it too,” Hyojong began, standing up at the same time. “Hey,” he reached, putting a hand on Yanan’s shoulder. “We’ll figure this out, okay? We’ll do everything we can to help him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please lmk what you think in the comments!! You’re also always welcome to spam my twitter dms, I’m @mcshinwon there as well <3


	9. Chapter 9

“And here I was thinking I wouldn’t have to listen to you bickering anymore,” MJ sighed, moving to jump across a creek. He didn’t quite clear it, causing mud to splash up on the legs of his pants. 

“Shut up,” Shinwon and Changgu spoke in unison, before shooting glares at each other. 

For a little bit, things had been calm. The three of them had been able to make their way through Purgatory without argument, able to find more food, and even find a nice lake to bathe in. They didn’t run into any trouble for well over a week, which was rare. Of course, things had to go wrong eventually. They’d been attempting to find a suitable shelter for what had to be over a full day when they’d been surrounded by another pack of hounds. Even though the three of them were more prepared for the sudden onslaught this time, none of them came out of the fight clean.

Changgu had nearly gotten his arm ripped off by one of them and MJ had taken a pretty nasty bite to his torso. While none of the hounds had directly injured Shinwon, using his magic to attack them had given him a headache and taken a heavy toll on him in ways that it never had back home. Still, he hadn’t been physically injured and neither MJ or Changgu had fed recently, so he’d insisted on them both taking enough blood to heal. 

They’d tried to argue - or rather, Changgu had tried to argue. He’d said that Shinwon should conserve his energy and wait until he felt better. Shinwon just looked at the nasty marks that covered Changgu’s forearm and shook his head. Begrudgingly, Changgu fed, taking only enough to heal his arm partially. Shinwon had tried to argue it, but the other insisted that he would be fine and that if he wanted to heal MJ as well, this was the best way. Of course, once MJ had taken more blood, it became too much and Shinwon felt himself blacking out. 

And now? They were trudging through a seemingly endless empty expanse of hills of dead grass. Other than the creek, the landscape was pretty barren and the emptiness was perhaps the most unnerving thing of all. It reminded Shinwon of the dramatic landscapes he’d seen in English shows, but without the vibrant colors of the grass or any flowers dotting the landscape. Instead, the grass was pale and almost grey in tone. The sky was filled with clouds, although it had rained maybe once in the time they’d been there. 

“Shinwon, we need to stop.”

“Where? There’s no shelter for miles. Taking a nap under these clouds out in the open seems just as dangerous.”

“You blacked out earlier and you haven’t rested since.”

“I’ll rest when we’re not exposed like this,” Shinwon huffed. He’d never thought he had a fear of empty spaces, but the vastness of everything was horrifying. He just wanted to get out of the moorlands and hope Purgatory would spit them out in someplace less… open. He could deal with trudging along decaying roads and through overgrown forests, but this terrain was completely different. Although it’d be hard for anybody to sneak up on them, he didn’t like the sound the wind made as it ripped through the hills or the fact that all he could see for what seemed like miles was just more hills and grass. 

“And who knows how long that’ll take?”

“Which is exactly why we should keep moving,” Shinwon insisted, jumping over the creak. He managed to clear it without splashing mud on himself, but the movement left his head spinning and he stumbled. Before he could fall back, Changgu was behind him, steadying him. 

“I’m just worried about you. At least rest for a little bit. Eat something. Take a nap, and me and MJ will keep watch.”

When Shinwon turned to face him, his anger dissipated. Changgu was staring at him with a concerned frown, and instead of looking upset, he just looked tired. 

“Please.”

“Okay. Fine. MJ, does that sound alright to you?”

“Yeah, as long as you actually rest and don’t keep bickering,” he said, but he visibly relaxed at the prospect of a break. They’d all been on edge since the hounds attacked, but maybe resting for a little bit was what they needed. Besides, although none of them were keen on the emptiness of their surroundings, it made it very hard to sneak up on them. 

“Can’t make any promises on that, but come on. Let’s get out of the mud first,” Shinwon said, moving to climb up the hill. The grass on top of it was dry and although the wind was a bit much, he supposed it’d have to work. He unceremoniously dropped to the ground, laying on his back.

“Is that even comfortable?”

“Nope,” Shinwon said, pushing himself into a sitting position. He rooted through his bag, debating between the box of cereal, fruit, or dried meat. He settled on the dried meat. Not as fun, but it’d probably be better for him than dry Fruity Pebbles. He slowly chewed on it, before taking a sip from his water bottle. He frowned at the flavor, but he had to take what he could get. At least the last time he’d filled it, they’d been able to find a pretty clear river. Still, the water had gotten warm since and it had a slightly metallic tang to it. He screwed the cap back on, chewing on another piece of meat. 

“Thank you,” Changgu sighed, moving to sit down next to him. 

“Sorry for being so stubborn,” Shinwon mumbled. “I know you’re worried about me, but part of me still feels like I have to keep going constantly.”

“Well, you don’t. You might be a witch, but MJ and I are pretty capable too. You’re allowed to rest. In fact, you need to if we’re banking on you to get us out,” Changgu laughed weakly. “Can’t have you using up all your magic.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Shinwon said, but he knew the other meant well. He sighed, leaning against the other. “It’s been so long. I wanna get back, but it’s going to be hard. I can’t even imagine what it’ll be like for you,” he frowned at MJ. The other just shrugged.

“It’ll be weird. It’s been years and years for me, but only like two years for the others. I’m not sure who it’ll be harder for, but we can get through it. I just hope they’ve been alright without me,” he sighed, trailing off.

“What were they like? Your friends?” Changgu spoke, staring at MJ curiously.

“Hmm, I don’t know where to begin. They’re all the sweetest though. There was another vampire, Jinwoo. I hope he’s been doing alright. He’s always been kinda the leader of our little family. He always worked hard to keep us sane, you know? There were also two witches. Minhyuk and Dongmin. They’re who I was with when I ended up stuck here,” he trailed off, frowning. “I just hope they haven’t blamed themselves too much for it. It wasn’t their fault… There were also two shifters. Sanha and Moonbin. Sanha was the baby of the group, but he never let that stop him from being determined to do anything he wanted. I miss them a lot,” he sighed. 

“Well, I’m sure they miss you too, and I’m sure that they’ve tried what they could to get you back,” Shinwon spoke reassuringly. MJ nodded, smiling, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“I hope so,” he said, before turning away to stare off at the horizon. The sky rippled slightly, and Shinwon thought he could see the landscape changing before his eyes. It was so subtle that it wasn’t even noticeable at a glance, but he was almost positive he could see the hills in the distance beginning to melt away into sand and nothingness. Beyond that, it was too far to see. 

Shinwon shifted, moving so that he could rest his head on Changgu’s thigh. “Don’t let any bad guys get me,” he murmured, shutting his eyes and trying to get comfortable.

“It’s a little late for that, seeing as you’re laying in my lap,” Changgu laughed, but he reached down running his hand through Shinwon’s hair. “Try to get some rest, okay? I’ve got your back.”

“Okay,” Shinwon yawned. The feeling of the other’s fingers moving slowly through his hair was relaxing and soon he felt himself slipping into sleep.

He wasn’t sure how much time he passed when he heard Changgu’s voice and felt his hand on his shoulder. He blinked slowly, pushing himself into a sitting position. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s been about an hour, but we should get going,” Changgu said, smiling apologetically. MJ was staring at the sky with a frown. Above, the clouds had gotten darker and thicker, and the air felt heavy.

“Have you guys gotten caught in a storm yet?”

“No… I think it’s only rained once since we’ve been here and we were inside at the time… why?” Shinwon asked. MJ looked unnerved as he turned to face them. 

“We’re gonna wanna find shelter, because I think you might be about to experience your first storm. Being in an open place like this might as well be a death wish…” 

“Shit,” Changgu cursed, pushing himself off of the ground and lending Shinwon a hand to help him up. They were still on the same hill, but sand he’d seen in the distance wasn’t so distant anymore. It was like the moorlands melted into a desert. He could see tiny dots in the distance that might be buildings, and as far as he could tell, that was the only potential shelter. 

“Let’s get out of here, then,” Shinwon said, moving in the direction of the desert.

“You don’t happen to know any spells that will put us in a safe little bubble, do you?” MJ asked.

“I’m afraid not. I could attempt something because I know those spells exist, but I can’t make any promises because I never got the chance to actually learn the technique.” 

“Or we could…” Changgu looked at Shinwon with a weird expression before shaking his head and laughing softly. “You’re probably going to hate this idea but... MJ and I are fast and you’re not. Up for a piggy back ride?”

Shinwon turned to face Changgu with a raised eyebrow. “Really? What is this, _Twilight?”_

“Got any better ideas?”

“Just don’t call me any weird names,” Shinwon said, moving towards Changgu. The other was able to pulll him onto his back easily enough, and although Shinwon had seen the others move with their full speed before, it hadn’t ever really occured to him how quickly they were capable of running.

“You’re gonna wanna keep your mouth closed,” Changgu said, and that was the only warning Shinwon got before MJ and him took off. The wind whipped across Shinwon’s face and his stomach lurched at the sudden movement. It was almost dizzying and he quickly realized that he should probably close his eyes too. So he did, burying his face in the back of Changgu’s neck. Behind them, he could hear the low rumble of thunder, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of how fast Changgu and MJ were moving, but he could have sworn the wind was picking up. And then he heard MJ cursing.

“We’re not gonna make it in time-“

“What do you mean,” Changgu shouted.

“Look behind us.”

Shinwon peeled open his eyes and watched in horror as the storm raged over the barren landscape. Not only was it growing quickly, but with every strike of lightning, he could see dark shapes flying out of it. Not hellhounds, but he had a sneaking suspicion that whatever they were, they were within the same realm. And they were hot on their trail. He could hear their piecing screams over the wind and the thunder and he felt his heart begin pounding in his chest. He spared a glance in front of them. He could see the buildings more clearly, but the monsters were closer to them than they were to the buildings. Although MJ and Changgu were fast, Shinwon wasn’t entirely sure they could outrun them. 

“We’re gonna have to take them on,” Changgu said, watching as the creatures continued to gain on them.

“No, that’s suicide. There’s hundreds of them and with each strike of lightning, more are born.”

“This is like some sort of twisted video game with no way to win,” Shinwon said. He was ready for a fight, but with the sheer amount of creatures they’d be going up against, he knew that it was a death wish. Still, whatever they were, they were quicker that MJ and Changgu. 

The buildings in front of them were within reach, but so were the creatures. They were close enough that Shinwon could see their features clearly, and sure enough, they had the same dark and slick appearance as the hellhounds. In fact, they looked almost the same as the hounds, with the exception of the bony wings that branched off of their backs. Shinwon began focusing his energy on them, fueling it to make the closest one explode. He didn’t like the way it felt. Using his magic in that way felt wrong and he always felt terrible afterwards, but he didn’t have many other options. He was able to maintain concentration enough to keep the beasts from reaching them, but with every one that he destroyed, ten more replaced it. It was a losing battle. 

“We need to barricade ourselves in,” MJ said quickly as him and Changgu slowed down. They’d reached a building that was more of a shack and Shinwon wasn’t entirely sure they’d survive being barricaded inside. It didn’t look sturdy and he was sure that the creatures could easily tear it apart.

“That won’t be necessary,” an unfamiliar voice spoke, and the trio whirred to face a stranger. “Shinwon, lend me your strength.” 

“How do you-“

“Unless you lot want to die, I suggest you cooperate. Now,” he said, reaching for Shinwon’s hand. He took it tentatively, not entirely sure what the stranger was planning on doing. On top of that, he somehow knew his name. Shinwon didn’t have the time to think hard about it though, because he felt a sudden pull. It was enough that he fought the urge to collapse to the ground. He’d lent his magic to Hyuna before, and the others had lent magic to him, but this was more powerful. He felt like the man was practically draining the magic right out of him. 

The man turned, facing the wall of creatures that charged towards the shack. They were close enough that Shinwon could see their dark teeth and the sound of their screeches was absolutely horrific, but suddenly, it was quiet. The man held out his hand, and a bright blue light shot from it towards the creatures before forming a circle around the building and rising up into the air, forming a dome around them. Shinwon watched as the creatures charged at the wall of energy, and every time one hit it, it melted away into nothing. The man let go of Shinwon’s hand, turning to give him a grin that bordered on crazed. 

“Name’s Hongjoong. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How we feelin


	10. Chapter 10

“How do you know my name?”

Outside, the creatures continued to fling themselves into the barrier and the thunder and wind roared. Hongjoong gave a noncommittal shrug.

“Your friends know my friends and my friends also know you. They’ve been very worried about you,” he said, as if that told Shinwon everything he needed to know.

“Who? Do you know if my friends are alright? Have you been in contact w-“

“One question at a time,” Hongjoong said, pressing a finger to Shinwon’s lips before pulling his hand away. “You might recall meeting a glorified flying lizard and a giant cat. I don’t know much about your friends, just that they’re worried. I’ve been in contact with my friends, who have been relaying information to yours.” 

“That doesn’t really explain how you recognized me. I doubt they gave you a full description…”

“They gave me enough. They said ‘tall guy, big shoulders, probably being followed by a douchebag,’” he paused, eyes sliding between MJ and Changgu. “I’m not sure which one of you is the douchebag though,” he shrugged. MJ started to raise his hand to point at Changgu, but the other slapped it away. 

“Can you get us out of here?” 

“ _ I  _ can’t do shit,” Hongjoong began, frowning as he looked between the trio. “Right now, our best bet is to stick together and keep trying to survive. At the very least, we can let your friends know that we found each other. It might offer some comfort to them,” he shrugged.

Shinwon frowned. From the way the other spoke and the concerned expression on his face, he got the feeling that he knew more than he was letting on. Whatever it is would have to wait though. For the time being, they had more urgent matters, like being barricaded inside a shack by magical energy with a never ending army of beasts charging at them.

“And how are we gonna let them know that? I don’t know where the hell we are,” Shinwon said, frowning. He didn’t know Hongjoong, but he highly doubted he lived in whatever the parallel version of this place was. 

“It’s fine because I do. This place doesn’t look like much here, but in our world it’s actually a sanctuary. More specifically, it’s a sanctuary that I watched over before I ended up here. In our world, it’s less of a town in the dust and more of an oasis. It’s actually quite pleasant,” he said, staring out the window wistfully as if he were seeing a different picture than the chaos outside. ”Someone will be sure to see it if I leave a message here though. It’s not one of my usual spots but,” Hongjoong trailed off, shrugging. 

“Well, how long are we gonna be stuck here for? Those beasties aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, and while me and douchebag can get along fine for an undetermined amount of time, Shinwon doesn’t exactly have tons of water on him,” MJ said, looking at Shinwon with a concerned expression.

“It’s hard to say. Could be a couple hours or could be a couple days. Maybe even a week. In the event that we need more water though, I’ve got it covered,” Hongjoong simply said. 

“Okay, fine then. Why don’t you get to leaving your buddies a message,” Shinwon replied. He wasn’t thrilled about the idea of being cooped up in the small shack for an undetermined amount of time, especially with a complete stranger. Hongjoong might have known who he was and said that he’d been in indirect contact with his friends, but he was still a stranger and Shinwon could tell he was hiding something. Whatever it was, he just hoped it wouldn’t put any of them in more danger than they already were in. 

* * *

MJ stood at the window, staring outside intently with his finger to his chin. “I spy with my little eye something… black…”

“Demon,” Hongjoong said without missing a beat. 

“You’re too good at this.”

“Okay, my turn. I spy with my little eye something with w-“

“Demon.”

“Hey that’s not fair, you didn’t even let me finish my sentence,” Hongjoong frowned at MJ, but the other just shrugged. 

“Okay, we get it. We’re still surrounded by demons. Can you two shut up already?” Changgu was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. It’d been at least a day already, and things were tense. Shinwon wanted to just get out of there, but the storm still was raging outside and there seemed to be no end to the monstrosities outside. 

“Changgu, relax,” Shinwon shook his head with a sigh. “But you two have been at this for too long. It’s not exactly helping the situation we’re in…”

“Sorry,” MJ grinned sheepishly, but Shinwon didn’t miss the nervous glance he cast towards the window. 

“Is the barrier continuously draining your magic? How has it been up for so long?” Shinwon asked, turning to face Hongjoong. The other nodded.

“It is, and it requires a small amount of concentration for me to keep up, but it takes much less out of me to keep it running consistently than it does to put it in place.”

“You seem to have a lot of power… I’m surprised you haven’t found a way out yet,” Changgu said, frowning. 

“Oh, believe me, I know how to get out. It’s just not something that’s doable right now. There’s specific components that are needed, and we currently don’t have access to those components.” 

“You’re being awfully vague. How do we find what you need then?” 

Hongjoong shook his head with a frown. “I’m being vague because it’s not as simple as just finding an ingredient or object. I’ll tell you if we get what we need, but right now we’re not there. And even if we have the final piece, it’s still not as simple as you seem to think it is.”

“Whatever. Keep your secrets. I’ll find my own damn way out,” Changgu growled. 

“Hey. You need to cut it out. If he could have gotten out of here, I’m sure he would have, so I highly doubt he’s keeping anything from us that we can use at the moment. I don’t like the vagueness either, but you can’t exactly force him to talk.”

“I could and I’m getting awfully tempted,” Changgu said, cracking his knuckles and shooting a glare.

“I’d like to see you try,” Hongjoong said, grinning.

“Changgu, stop,” Shinwon said before moving over him and grabbing him by the arm. “Maybe you should get some rest. Or feed. Anything that’ll get you out of this bad mood…” he lead him out of the living room and into one of the two rooms connected. The shack was made up of the main room they’d been lurking in, but it also had a completely empty room that was probably supposed to be a bathroom as well as a bedroom that only contained an empty bed frame and a broken table. Shinwon lead him into the latter. 

“Are you sure you have enough energy to let me?” Changgu was frowning now.

“Yeah. It’s been plenty of time, and it’s not like we’re going anywhere any time soon. I just wanna help you,” Shinwon moved so that he was sitting on the ground, pulling Changgu with him. The other still frowned, looking deep in thought, but then he nodded. 

“If you’re sure,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Shinwon’s lips before moving down to his neck. “I don’t deserve you,” his lips were close enough that Shinwon could feel them brush against his skin as he spoke, and that alone felt good. When Changgu finally sank his teeth in, Shinwon didn’t try to fight the venom. He let it flow through him and let Changgu consume his mind, leaning into the other with a sigh.

“It doesn’t matter if you do or don’t deserve me, because you’re stuck with me now. Get used to it,” Shinwon said softly. Changgu tightened his grip on Shinwon’s shoulder, greedily drinking away. The venom was intoxicating and Changgu’s lips were hot against his skin. He pulled away just before Shinwon’s head could start spinning, leaning in and kissing him again. 

“Thank you,” he said softly.

“You don’t have to thank me.” He was caught between being hyper aware of everything Changgu did and being in a daze, barely aware of their surroundings. He’d spent so long fighting the effects of the venom that he had forgotten just how addicting it could be, and now he was spiraling. All he wanted was to get lost in Changgu so he kissed him again, tangling his hands in his hair. His roots had grown out so much since them being in Purgatory that it was a mess, but it was almost endearing and it was definitely the perfect length to weave his fingers through. Changgu hummed into the kiss, cupping the back of Shinwon’s head with strong hands, his tongue tracing his lips. Shinwon could taste himself on the other but if anything, it was intoxicating. 

He wanted more. He wanted to put everything else on hold and just get lost in Changgu’s lips and his touch and everything else about him. Maybe the bond and the venom played some part in his need to be closer to Changgu, but it certainly wasn’t the only thing to blame. Being stuck in Purgatory with just him as company had changed things between them in ways that neither of them could wrap their minds around. Maybe it was the mutual need for survival and their proximity, but whatever it was didn’t matter. All that mattered was the way Changgu’s lips felt against his. 

“I need you,” Shinwon murmured, lips still ghosting Changgu’s. “Please,” he added it as an afterthought. Changgu just stared at him with dark eyes, searching for any trace of doubt but finding none. 

“Okay. Whatever you want, just tell me,” his voice came out in a barely audible whisper. 

“I trust you,” Shinwon said. He let Changgu gently push him onto the floor, holding his breath as the other straddled him before leaning down to kiss him again. 

“That’s dangerous,” Changgu laughed softly, shaking his head.

“I’ve been in more dangerous situations before,” Shinwon shrugged, but then he was tugging at his shirt.

“Just tell me at any point if you change your mind, okay?”

“Okay.”

* * *

When Shinwon woke up, it was to a tangle of limbs and MJ standing in the doorway looking like he’d just eaten a lemon. Behind him, Hongjoong was frowning. “The storm is over and the demons have dispersed, so we’re free to leave,” he said softly. “I’ll give you time to wake up and get yourself right, but we should probably head out soon. Mingi found the message I left. He said he’d pass on the memo that you’re alive and well to your friends.” 

Relief flooded through Shinwon at that. “I don’t know how to begin to thank you,” he sighed, before nudging at Changgu. The other slowly roused, sitting up and blinking tiredly before noticing the pair in the doorway. Immediately he started to flush and Shinwon couldn’t help but laugh at the expression on his face. He wouldn’t have pegged Changgu as being the type to be easily embarrassed, but it wasn’t the first time he’d been wrong. “We can leave now. The storm’s over,” Shinwon said softly. 

“I was beginning to think it’d never end,” Changgu sighed, quickly regaining his composure and putting on a mask of indifference.

“Alright, well I’ll leave you two to clean up. Don’t keep us waiting too long,” Hongjoong said before grabbing the collar of MJ’s shirt and pulling him from the doorway, letting the door swing shut behind them.

Shinwon’s back hurt like hell and he wasn’t sure how long they’d fallen asleep for, but being curled up on the floor wasn’t the most comfortable. 

“Do you think they kn-“ 

“Of course they know,” Shinwon replied, laughing. “For starters, they came in here to us passed out wrapped around each other. Also MJ probably heard everything, whether he wanted to or not.”

“How are you not embarrassed?” Changgu was whispering, his voice incredulous. He was standing now, shaking out the blanket they’d wrapped themselves in and folding it. 

Shinwon shrugged. “Between Hui and Hyunggu and Yanan, I’ve just kinda gotten immune to being embarrassed by that sort of thing. Living with two vampires who can hear everything and one who might as well be able to read minds kinda makes you numb to embarrassment.”

Changgu sighed, shaking his head. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t change the fact that you want me,” Shinwon winked. He grabbed his bag, shoving his few belongings into it and straightening his clothes. He hoped that they’d stumble upon a river soon because he wanted nothing more than to wash all of the dust and dirt and grime from his skin. 

“Never tried to deny it.”

“I know,” Shinwon said, and when he looked up, Changgu was smiling at him. It was so sweet and genuine and it made him weak which was the scariest part of all. He didn’t want to have any more weaknesses than he already did, but he knew he was already well beyond the point of turning back. “Let’s get outa here,” he pulled his bag onto his shoulder.

Changgu nodded before moving to follow after him. In the main room, MJ was sitting on the floor and Hongjoong was peering out the window with a frown. “Changgu. A word outside, please,” his voice was quiet and he didn’t turn to face them.

“Is everything alright?” Changgu looked between everyone in concern.

“Depends on the definition, but I need to discuss something with you before we continue on. Only you.”

Shinwon furrowed his eyebrows, staring at Hongjoong in confusion. “Whatever you need to say to him, you can say to the rest of us.”

This time, Hongjoong turned to face them. Worry was etched into his features as he shook his head. “I’m afraid I can’t. It doesn’t concern either of you at the moment, and I’m sure Changgu would prefer the topic be discussed in private. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna kill him or anything,” he laughed weakly.

“I… yeah, okay,” Changgu sighed. “Be right back,” he turned to Shinwon, giving him a peck on the cheek. 

“Promise?”

“Pinky swear,” he said, holding his hand up, linking his pinky with Shinwon’s. Then he let go, making his way outside, Hongjoong following behind him. Immediately Shinwon and MJ moved to the window, watching the pair curiously. Shinwon couldn’t read lips, so he had no idea what either of them were saying. He saw Hongjoong sigh heavily, shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose. He saw Changgu tilt his head in confusion as the other continued to speak. He glanced back towards the building, meeting Shinwon’s eyes through the window before looking away again. He frowned as he said something to Hongjoong.

“Can you hear them?”

“No. Whatever they’re talking about, Hongjoong wants it to stay a secret. I couldn’t tell you why, though. He’s using some sort of a block.”

Shinwon sighed but trained his eyes on the pair outside again. He watched Changgu’s expression shift from something hopeful to shock as the other started speaking again. For a moment he thought Changgu might punch Hongjoong, but he stood his ground. The shock melted away into something else as he ran a hand across his face, shaking his head. When he met Shinwon’s eyes through the window, he saw defeat in the other’s eyes. Then he was looking at Hongjoong again, his expression melting into something more serene. He nodded in understanding. Hongjoong moved closer to him, pulling him into a hug. Shinwon might have been terrible at reading lips, but he could tell what the next words out of the other’s mouth were.

‘I’m sorry.’

Then, the pair were walking back towards the building. “Let’s hit the road,” Hongjoong said, poking his head through the door. Shinwon and MJ exchanged nervous glances but grabbed their remaining things, leaving the building behind. Although the building was still surrounded by sand, they were no longer in the middle of a desert. The sand melted away into water and plants. Trees rose up around them and the undergrowth beyond the sand would no doubt be a challenge to walk through.

“Where to?”

“I have a destination in mind, it’s just a matter of trying to find it in this mess. There’s no telling how long it’ll take,” Hongjoong began. “Could be a day, could be a month for all I know. Gotta love Purgatory,” he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Changgu walked over to Shinwon, grabbing onto his hand as they began walking. He held it tightly.

“Is everything alright? What did he have to say?” Shinwon asked, frowning, but Changgu just shrugged, laughing weakly. 

“Nothing you need to worry about. Everything’s gonna be fine, alright?”

It sounded more like he was trying to reassure himself, which only made Shinwon’s frown deeper. 

“What’s special about your destination?” MJ asked, moving so that he was walking next to Hongjoong.

“The concentration of magic. I’ve yet to see anywhere else here with such a raw concentration. There’s not tons of magic here in general, but most of it is dark. This place is probably the epicenter of all of that.”

“Dark magic?” MJ’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. 

“Shinwon, when you first got here, did you have access to your magic?” 

“No… it took me a while to find it, and even once I did, it was still hard. It’s like I’m grasping at nothing.”

“Exactly,” Hongjoong continued, “because although you can use the light magic of our world here, it’s not exactly abundant, so it takes much more of a toll to use. Dark magic, on the other hand, is much easier to come by. Have you tried it?”

“I don’t… I don’t know. Most of what I’ve done, I’ve had to teach myself but…” he trailed off, frowning. “When I’ve used magic to fight off the demons… that feels different. It feels wrong.”

Hongjoong hummed, nodding in understanding. “That’s dark magic right there. Don’t look so horrified though, because despite its name and nature, it’s not evil. It’s about whether or not the person using it has evil intentions. It’s rooted in death and darkness, but some of it is necessary. I’m sure you’ve heard the whole life balances out death and light balances out dark spiel in movies before, so I won’t bore you with that.”

“And how is going to this place going to help us?”

Hongjoong shrugged. “Let’s just say that the sooner we find this place, the sooner you get to go home,” he said. Shinwon opened his mouth to reply to him, but the other was already turning away, continuing to walk forward.

Home.

He was going to go home, so why did he feel so terrified?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re wondering why I’m posting a day early, it’s because this chapter is super super short and more of just a tiny snippet,, but don’t worry I’m gonna post a normal length chapter tomorrow :)

Yanan woke up with a start to his phone ringing. Next to him, Hyunggu sighed, burying his head under a pillow. He blinked before reaching for the phone and squinting at the caller ID.

“Seonghwa, it’s 4 am. Why are you calling me?”

“Actually, it’s Mingi. I just stole his phone because I didn’t have your number and I needed to get a hold of you.”

“Okay, well whatever it is, get on with it.”

“It’s Shinwon.”

Yanan sat up straight, gripping the phone tighter. It’d only been a couple of days since his cryptic conversation with San and Seonghwa, but it felt like it’d been years. He reached over, shaking Hyunggu’s shoulder to rouse him from his sleep.

“What about him?”

“I don’t know how, but he managed to stumble upon my friend. Hongjoong left me a message…”

“What did it say.”

“He said he found Shinwon, and that he’s also fairly certain that he found the missing piece. I think they might have a way out,” Mingi said.

“Did he say anything else?”

“No, that’s all he said. I told him I’d pass on the message to you all. You were just the first person I was able to get a hold of,” Mingi sighed into the phone.

“I thought he said that even if he had the means to get out, he wouldn’t be able to…”

“Something must’ve changed since then. I don’t understand any of this magical mumbojumbo, so I usually leave those discussions to y’all.”

“Right…” Yanan trailed off. Next to him, Hyunggu was staring at him with wide eyes. Even in the darkness, he could see the hope that filled them. “Well, thank you for telling me. Hopefully they’re able to get out of there soon,” he said.

“Of course. I’ll let you go back to sleep now-“

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep at this point, but it’s the thought that counts,” Yanan laughed. “Thanks Mingi, really.”

“Don’t mention it,” the other said before he hung up and the line went silent. Yanan held the phone to his ear for another moment as he tried to process the other’s words. Their friends had found each other, Shinwon was fine, and they might have a way out. For the first time in ages, he felt hopeful. Finally, Yanan set his phone back onto the bedside table. 

“Things are finally starting to turn around. He’ll be back to us soon. I’m sure of it,” Hyunggu said, his voice soft. 

“Usually I’m not optimistic, but for once, I feel like you’re right,” Yanan laughed. “Gods, I’ve missed him so much.”

“You and me both.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do y’all think so far?? I know a few of you have had interesting theories hehe but my lips are sealed <3


	12. Chapter 12

“Where the hell are we?” Changgu sighed, looking around the landscape with a frown. They’d trudged through the swamp for what felt like days only to somehow end up in a cave. It was dark and Shinwon and Hongjoong had been taking turns using magic to illuminate their way through. The latter didn’t seem particularly worried about where they were or when they would get to their destination, but everybody else was on edge. Hongjoong has assured them that the caves was perfectly safe, and that the demons didn’t usually hide there, but the darkness was unnerving. 

“Why don’t we rest. Maybe some sleep would do you all good,” Hongjoong said, turning around and surveying the rest of the group under the dull glow of his magic. When Shinwon used his magic to create light, it was like he was holding a small sun, casting the area in a clean brightness, but when Hongjoong created the light, it was a more like he was holding a plasma ball of energy that crackled and fluctuated. It wasn’t that it was weaker than Shinwon’s own magic, and if anything, Shinwon suspected that the other was leaps and bounds more powerful than him; it was rather that he seemed to draw his magic from a different source. While using his magic in Purgatory weakened Shinwon, Hongjoong seemed to be thriving. 

“Rest? Here? In this cave? I dunno…” MJ frowned. The shadows from the light made his features look more hollow and sunken in than they actually were, but the fear in his eyes was very real. “What if Purgatory changes while we’re here and we end up trapped?”

Hongjoong just shrugged. “If we were gonna get trapped, I doubt that Purgatory would wait for us to take a nap. It’s probably already changed countless times. You just have to have faith that you’ll find your way out.”

“That’s easier said than done,” MJ sighed, shaking his head. “Still, I don’t like it here. I can barely handle walking through here as it is, but I might actually lose my mind if we sit down and rest.”

“Claustrophobic?”

“A bit.”

“Then onwards we go. Shinwon, are you still doing alright?”

Shinwon shrugged. He was exhausted, but he could manage. He might not have been claustrophobic, but he wasn’t too keen on the idea of taking a nap inside of a dark cave either. “I’m good to go,” he simply said. 

“Changgu?”

“I’ll be fine,” he said, nodding at Hongjoong before reaching down to give Shinwon’s hand a quick squeeze. “I just hope we get out of here soon. Purgatory, I mean.”

“We will,” Hongjoong said, his smile dropping as he looked at Changgu with a glint in his eye. Even though the words were reassuring, something in the way he said them was cold and made the sentence hang heavily in the air. Shinwon felt Changgu’s grip on his hand tighten as they continued to trudge through the darkness, following the dim glow of Hongjoong’s light.

* * *

When they emerged from the cave, the ruddy glow of the sky was almost bright. They’d gotten so used to the darkness and to the only source of light being magic that they squinted in the dull light that blanketed outside. They seemed to be in the foothills of some mountains, and Shinwon did a sigh of relief upon seeing that the overall terrain was closer to something he was used to. No sand, no moorlands, no swamp. Just a plain old forest that thinned as it got higher. They must have been decently high up already because the undergrowth was pretty sparse, and for the most part it was just grass and trees with a few odd bushes. 

“Thank God, I thought I was gonna die in that cave,” MJ said, sighing and kneeling down as he kissed the grass. 

“Nonsense. Me and Shinwon might have but you and Changgu could have just fed on each other,” Hongjoong said, shrugging. 

“Yeah, right. Sorry Changgu, I don’t like you enough to let you feed on me,” MJ said, frowning.

“Don’t worry, the feeling’s mutual. We’re out now though, so that’s not even a concern anymore. Hongjoong, do you think we’re headed in the right direction?”

“We are, but it could still be a bit before we get there.”

“How do you know where we’re going if everything is changing constantly?” Shinwon asked. The other had never quite explained himself and the rest of them had just kinda taken his word for things, following him blindly through Purgatory. Although he had faith that the other wouldn’t purposely lead them into harm’s way, he wasn’t sure how he knew where he was going.

“Because I have an affinity for dark magic. I suppose that’s part of the reason I’ve always felt a pull to this place. I’m able to feel the magic around me, and the place we need to go has the strongest pull. I’m not really leading the way as much as letting myself be led by Purgatory.” 

“You don’t seem like a dark witch,” MJ began, and Hongjoong burst out laughing.

“Well you don’t seem like a vampire who’s claustrophobic and afraid of blood, but that you are, my friend. What I’m able to do magically has nothing to do with my personality or what I’m like as a person. Take Shinwon, for example. He’s able to do a little bit of everything, but at a glance he doesn’t like like an all knowing wizard-“

“Well, I don’t really feel like an all knowing wizard either. I’m just winging it and hoping for the best,” Shinwon said, frowning.

“Exactly. Think of darkness as its own element. I didn’t just wake up and decide I wanted to master dark magic. It just happened to be what I was best at. It was my calling. I think I was meant to end up here so that I could help you,” Hongjoong said, his eyes trained on Shinwon. The sincerity in his gaze was clear as day, and Shinwon knew without a doubt that he was being honest. He liked to think that he had good intuition on people, and so far, Hongjoong had yet to prove himself anything but good and kind, if not a bit eccentric. 

“Then lead the way,” Changgu said.

For a while, the four of them walked in quiet. Hongjoong seemed to be leading them higher into the mountains, occasionally holding his hand up to gesture for them to stop. Every time he did so, fear filled Shinwon that they were about to be ambushed by demons or worse, but every time, the other simply muttered some words under his breath before adjusting the direction they were headed. After a few hours, they emerged in a grove that was nestled in a valley. 

“Let’s rest here. I can take first watch. You all look exhausted, so I suspect you need it more than I do,” Hongjoong said. 

The rest of them nodded, and MJ was quick to collapse backwards into the grass. Changgu moved to sit down at the base of a tree, but Shinwon stood his ground, surveying the grove. He felt more energized than he had in what felt like ages. “What is this place?”

“I found us a nice pocket of light magic. I figured this place might do you some good,” Hongjoong said, looking around with a smile on his face. 

And he was right. Shinwon could practically feel the magic flowing through the air around him. Although the sky overhead still held that same murky red as the rest of Purgatory, the vegetation here actually seemed to be thriving. He didn’t think he’d seen plants that weren’t withering and decaying the entire time they’d been in Purgatory, but this place was different. He suspected it had to do with the concentration of magic in the area. 

“Is the place you’re taking us similar?” Shinwon asked, slowly sinking to the ground. He felt the grass beneath his fingers, surprised when it felt full of life instead of decaying and dry. Absentmindedly, he rubbed a blade between his thumb and his pointer finger.

“Sort of. I suppose that a place like this would be where one might end up if they were coming from your world. Kind of like when a door is open and you catch a draft of the cold air outside. But the place I’m taking you will likely be barren because of the concentration of dark magic. I’m afraid it might cause some strain for you to be there. The whole process will,” Hongjoong said, frowning. 

“And what is the process exactly?”

“I’ll tell you when the time is right,” Hongjoong’s eyes darted to where Changgu was leaning against a tree, already falling asleep. It was clear he hadn’t meant to look at the other, and Shinwon narrowed his eyes. 

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“Shinwon. Right now, it’ll only impede our journey if I tell you. I promise we’ll get you home, so just leave the rest to us for now.”

“But-“

“I need you to trust me, okay?”

“No. Not okay. I don’t know what you’re hiding from me, but it’s clear it has to do with him,” Shinwon pointed at Changgu. The other’s head was slumped forward and his arms were crossed protectively in front of his chest as he gave into the sleep that’d been tugging at him. “I don’t know what you were talking to him about before, but it didn’t exactly seem like good news.”

Hongjoong stared at Changgu with a defeated expression before sighing and shaking his head. “Listen. It’s not my place to share anymore. As soon as I had that conversation with him, matters fell into his hands. If you want to know so badly, ask him. I don’t know him well, but I have a feeling that he probably won’t tell you anything more than I have.” 

Shinwon shook his head before burying his face in his hands. Whatever the two had talked about clearly had something to do with him. He wasn’t sure how, but it didn’t feel good. It left him with a heavy dread settling on his shoulders. “Whatever. If you bring harm to any of us, I’ll never forgive you.”

“I know. But right now, you should rest. The goal is to get you home in one piece and I’m not sure that that’ll happen if you’re exhausted.”

“Fine,” Shinwon said, frowning as he laid back in the grass. Part of him wished that it would grow up out of the ground, wrapping itself around him before pulling him into the earth and reclaiming him as its own. He was going to go home, and that was what should matter. He was going to see Hui and Hyunggu and Yanan. He was going to see Hongseok and Jinho and Wooseok and Yuto. He was going to see Hyojong and Hyuna. He was going to see everybody he’d left behind and he was going to be safe again, but it seemed too good to be true. It couldn’t be as easy as simply finding a specific place. There had to be some sort of catch. He wasn’t sure what the catch was, but whatever it was had to be bad. Hongjoong wouldn’t be acting so damn secretive if it wasn’t. 

* * *

Shinwon didn’t remember falling asleep and he wasn’t sure how much time has passed before he felt Hongjoong’s hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him awake, He blinked in the dim light before pushing himself to a sitting position. 

“We should get moving again. I felt a disturbance of dark magic nearby, and I suspect that if we don’t leave soon, we’ll get ambushed,” Hongjoong spoke quietly. Shinwon nodded, eyes wandering to MJ and Changgu who were both speaking in hushed voices. 

Although he felt physically rested, that was where it ended. He was mentally exhausted, and although he seemed to have regained some of his magic, he still felt the heavy drain of Purgatory on him. He wanted to go home. He wanted to put an end to all of this fighting and pain, but now that he was getting close to it he couldn’t help but fear the unknown. 

How much time had passed at home? It’d been months for them in Purgatory, but for all he knew, it only could have been days or weeks at home. What would be waiting for him when he got back? How would he even begin to readjust to being at home, let alone try to explain how damn complicated things had gotten with Changgu? How were they going to get home in the first place and what sort of price would he have to pay that had everybody else on their toes. 

When the four of them were finally fully awake, they quietly left the grove. Despite the fact that they were on their way to getting out of Purgatory, the air was heavy and everyone wore somber expressions. As they moved back into the surrounding forest, they found that they were no longer in the mountains. Instead, they seemed to be in a lower area, walking along a barely visible path that was crawling with undergrowth. The place felt familiar in the way that most places in Purgatory did; it was like a distorted reflection of their world that was just different enough that Shinwon couldn’t tell whether or not they’d actually been there before. 

After what felt like hours of walking, they came upon a river. It was wide and didn’t go too deep, but most importantly, the water looked clear and clean. Shinwon immediately moved to it, pouring out the old remains of his water bottle before filling it with the fresh water. He dipped his hands in the water before splashing it in his face. This was what he needed. The water was cold and crisp, but most importantly it was clean and he could feel it working away at the grime that coated his skin. 

“MJ, do you still have those hotel soaps?”

“I was beginning to think we’d never have the chance to use them,” the other said, grinning as he sat down his bag next to the river, pulling a body wash out of the bag and tossing it to Shinwon. 

It didn’t matter that he only vaguely knew MJ and Hongjoong, because Shinwon was eagerly pulling at his clothes, tossing them with his bag before stepping into the river. The water was cold and it bit at his skin, causing him to shiver, but as he poured out the soup into his hands and began washing off all the dirt that had accumulated, he couldn’t bring himself to care. Soon enough, the other three followed suit, eagerly climbing into the water and scrubbing at themselves. It was almost strange to see what they looked like when they weren’t covered in dirt or blood or grime. 

“This is probably the second best thing to happen since being stuck here,” Shinwon said. He’d scrubbed his skin as good as he could and now he was lathering soap into his hair. 

“What’s the first?” Hongjoong asked, eyebrows raised.

“When MJ gave me a can of pineapple,” Shinwon said.

MJ broke into a grin. “I’m glad I left a lasting impression.”

“When we get out of here, I’ll be sure that everybody knows how wonderful you are,” Shinwon promised. MJ held a hand over his chest before pretending to swoon. 

Changgu looked between everybody, smiling softly. It was a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes as he quietly scrubbed at his skin. Shinwon waded through the water until he was in front of him. 

“Hey. Are you okay?”

“I’ve never been better,” Changgu said, and although his expression seemed pained, the way he spoke was so genuine. Shinwon didn’t have a choice but to believe him, so he nodded.

“I’m here for you. If you ever need me, never hesitate to say something. I might not know everything, and I know I can’t make you talk, but I’m still here, alright?”

“Alright,” Changgu said, giving the same bittersweet smile. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For sticking with me all this time. You could have left me and you could have let me starve but you didn’t. I might not deserve you or any of the good you’ve done for me, but I’m thankful for it nonetheless.”

“I’ve stuck with you for this long, and I don’t intend on letting go any time soon,” Shinwon said with a laugh, reaching for Changgu’s hand and squeezing it tightly. The other looked down at their hands before nodding.

“Okay,” he simply said, squeezing back. 

The four of them stayed in the river for a little longer, not wanting to leave the crisp clean water behind and put back on their dusty clothes, but eventually Hongjoong said that it was time for them to move on. Outside of the water, Hongjoong and Shinwon used magic to pull the water off of them and dry themselves before turning to help the other two. Then, they left the river behind. It was a small and insignificant moment, but it held a weight in Shinwon’s mind in the way that important moments tended to. It was a feeling of finality, but he wasn’t sure what was ending. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways,


	13. Chapter 13

They were supposed to be taking watches. MJ and Hongjoong were both curled up in a corner of the room, heads leaning against each other as they snored softly. Shinwon was laying in a sleeping bag, staring at the ceiling. Changgu sat near the window, eyes distant as he surveyed the horizon. They had found a cabin in the midst of the woods after days of wandering through the wilderness without shelter; it looked like it had once been a hunting cabin. It was made up of a single living room and then a bedroom that was connected, but there wasn’t any bathroom. Instead, there was an outhouse, although given the lack of electricity and running water in Purgatory, that was still better than nothing. Nobody had gone into the bedroom to sleep. Maybe they’d gotten too used to being around each other that the idea of falling asleep in a room by themselves was unnerving. A room in between them meant more room for something to go wrong if demons happened to descend upon them, so instead of anyone giving into the comfort of in-tact bed and warm blankets, they slept on the floor or leaning against the wall. 

Shinwon couldn’t sleep. His mind wasn’t racing in the way that it usually did, but he was kept awake by the same unnerving feeling that had been persistently nagging at him. He wasn’t sure how long he spent laying there, eyes trained on the ceiling as he willed himself to fall asleep without success, but eventually, he pulled himself out of the sleeping bag and moved to stand by Changgu. 

“You should be resting.”

“I can’t sleep,” Shinwon said softly. He reached for Changgu’s hand, locking their fingers together as he stared outside. “Anything out there?”

“Nope. A few deer ran by earlier, but other than that, it’s been quiet.”

“You’re sure they were deer?”

“Positive. I might not be magical, but I know that they weren’t demons. They move differently than a normal animal, and they have a different feeling too.”

“That makes sense, I guess…” Shinwon said, humming in thought. “I’ve been worried about you… I know I can’t make you talk but just know that I’m here, alright? We’ll be okay. We have to.”

Changgu sighed, shaking his head and glancing at Shinwon with a bitter smile. “I hope so,” he laughed as he trained his eyes back on the woods outside. “Can we talk about something else though?”

Shinwon frowned, but then nodded. “Okay… tell me about Hui then. You used to be friends right? What’s your story?”

“Hui?” Changgu looked at Shinwon with a raised eyebrow, before shrugging. “I don’t even know where to start. It’s been years since we called each other friends. You’d never guess from how badly I screwed everything up, but there was a time when we even considered each other brothers…”

* * *

_People, historically, feared what they didn’t understand. High up on the list of things that they didn’t understand were Changgu and Hui. Behind the two travelers' kind smiles and charismatic personalities were dangerous bites. Of course, what the people didn’t understand was that despite having the power to wreak havoc, the pair preferred to stay under the radar and keep to themselves. Sure, they’d indulge themselves every so often, but despite their nature, they had a rule. Never kill a human._

_Hui had been around for long enough that he barely remembered a life before being a vampire. Changgu suspected that the other was probably as old as time itself. Changgu, on the other hand, only had a couple of centuries under his belt. Although the time seemed unfathomable when he’d first been turned, he came to realize that decades might as well be a quick passing moment. In the couple of centuries he’d been alive and dead and alive again, he’d seen empires rise and fall and seen inventions that were so spectacular that he couldn’t wrap his mind around them, but that was humanity for you._

_Although Changgu could still remember his years before being turned with astonishing clarity, he’d tried his best to leave that past behind. After all, he’d never been lucky. He’d always been impulsive, and it oftentimes resulted in him being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The quick flash of a thief's blade was all it took to end Changgu’s first life as a human, and when he’d watched the world melt away, he’d been sure that that was it for him._

_He hadn’t expected to be pulled from the brink of death by a stranger’s teeth sinking into his arm. He hadn’t expected the rush of the venom or the incomprehensible shift in his senses as his last drop of humanity melded into something else. All he knew was that one moment, he was merciless and bleeding out in an alleyway, and the next he was staring up at an unfamiliar man with teeth as sharp as a wolf and eyes as black as the night._

_Thus, Changgu’s companionship with Lee Hwitaek began._

_It’d taken him time to adjust. After all, until that moment, he’d thought humans to be the top of the food chain. Monsters and creatures of the night were just a myth, a superstition that mothers told their children at night to keep them from straying too far from home. There was no such thing as magic, and anytime someone was accused of being a witch, he’d scoffed at the thought. They were just using different methods and techniques, right? Maybe people didn’t understand what they were doing, but there had to be a logical way to explain their so-called magic._

_The first thing Hui had taught him was that although they needed human blood to survive, they didn’t need to kill and they should never kill unless someone was proving to be a threat to them or other people. The first time Changgu had gotten a taste of human blood, he’d been overwhelmed. It was intoxicating and satisfying and he didn’t want to pull away. Eventually, Hui had to pry him away. The human they’d fed on was fine, just dazed from their venom. Hui had turned to look them in the eye before telling them to go home and get lots of rest, and they’d calmly nodded, wordlessly leaving the pair alone._

_“How did you do that?” Changgu had been astonished at the time, his eyes widening at the scene. Hui, on the other hand, had just shrugged as if it were nothing._

_“We’re able to compel people, get them to do what we want them to. On top of that, our venom puts them in a more… pliable state. They’ll readily do anything we ask them to.”_

_Maybe it was his first taste of how powerful vampires really were, but at the time, Changgu had frowned. Whatever the case, he didn’t have a taste for it. All of his human life had been made up of him running from authority and doing the opposite of what people told him he should do, and the idea of being able to take the will and power away from someone without them being any wiser didn’t sit well with him._

_“Just because you have the ability to do so doesn’t mean you have to. I only use compulsion sparingly; maybe someone saw something that could put them in danger or maybe I just want to make sure the person I fed on heads straight home and gets lots of rest so they can recover quickly. I’ve never used it to inflict harm on people…”_

_“But isn’t feeding on them harming them? I mean, they have no idea what’s even happening; they’ll just wake up with a scar and not know where it came from.”_

_Hui had nodded, looking thoughtful. “It could be, but it also depends on the way you look at it, Changgu. We’re not killing them, we’re only taking what’s necessary for our own survival. If people knew we actually existed? There’d be no end to it. You’ve heard the fairy tales parents tell their kids. If anybody with any power or authority knew about us, they’d probably label us as demons. They’d hunt us down and try to kill us without question.”_

_“And if we’re not demons, then what are we, exactly?”_

_“We’re just people. People who were given a second chance at living at a dark cost.”_

_According to Hui, the first vampire had been created by dark magic. A witch had lost someone he’d cared for deeply, and done everything in his power to bring them back. Maybe he was successful in bringing them back, but it was at the cost of their humanity. At first, they had seemed fine. Their senses were heightened, but the witch speculated that it had just been a result of the magic. As time passed, however, they grew weak. They wouldn’t eat or drink, saying that it hadn’t felt right and that it wasn’t helping them. Then, one night as the witch slept, he was killed in his sleep by the very person he’d saved. The vampire had found themselves unable to stop once they got a taste for his blood, and they’d sat there over his corpse ridden with guilt. They had no way of knowing that their venom had done something to him. Even though they were positive he was dead, and knew that there was no way to come back from what they’d done, his heart gave a beat, and then another. When his_ _eyes opened, they were dark just like theirs. Thus, the first vampires came into existence, and they made a vow to keep their nature a secret._

_As Changgu came into his abilities, he worried less about the power that they held. He had much more control than he gave himself credit for, and with a friend like Hui by his side to help keep him in line, he’d be able to keep out of trouble. Hui was dependable and had who knows how much experience under his belt. He was always looking out for him, and Changgu had learned quickly that he was trusting and always gave others the benefit of the doubt. Instead of scolding Changgu when he made mistakes - which he did admittedly often - he’d correct him, explaining where he’d gone wrong and then setting him out to right whatever wrong he’d done. Changgu was by no means perfect, but with Hui by his side, he was about as close to that as he could be. Hui was like the voice of reason, always there to pull him down to Earth when he needed it and never afraid to point out his flaws._

_And that friendship he had? Changgu had just had to go and ruin it. All it took was a little bit of jealousy and one majorly bad and impulsive decision, and all of the years he’d spent with Hui were suddenly meaningless._

_He’d fallen hard, but so had Hui, and in the end Hui had been the one that Hyunggu had chosen. Changgu hadn’t thought; he’d simply done it. He might have acted cold at the time, but as soon as his hands had been around Hyunggu’s neck, he’d regretted it. It wasn’t what he’d wanted and he didn’t even know why he had done it in the first place, but it didn’t matter because he’d crossed a line. Many lines, really. He’d broken the rule that Hui had made clear to him when they’d first met, and not only that, but he’d taken someone whom they both cherished away. Even if Hui’s venom might have been in Hyunggu’s system, there was no way of knowing if he’d actually want to complete the transition. For all either of them knew, the other might opt to waste away rather than spend eternity as what both of them were: monsters._

_And Changgu couldn’t even bring himself to say anything. Instead, he’d left that night. Hui didn’t matter. Hyunggu didn’t matter. None of it did. He made a choice and now he would have to live with it. He travelled alone, feeding when he pleased and not worrying about who he put in harm’s way. The way he saw it, he was beyond redemption long before he’d been turned. Maybe Hui had been able to balance him out for some time, but he’d never forgotten where he’d come from or the things he’d done before. Hui had given him a second chance at a life that he didn’t deserve. Why try to be good when he was already past forgiveness?_

_But it wasn’t like he didn’t try. Years passed and he somehow managed to stumble upon Hui again, and at his side was Hyunggu. Changgu had tried to put on a confident mask and tried to reason with them, although he knew better than to think that it would actually work. Neither of them owed him anything. Not after what he’d done. When he had been unsurprisingly told to get lost, he’d told himself not to dwell on it. He didn’t need them._

_He dwelled on it anyways._

* * *

“I don’t know how you even think we’d be able to work past anything back home,” Changgu said with a sigh.

”Maybe you’re right. There’s no way any of this would work out back home. And you’re right when you say they don’t owe you forgiveness. What you did to them was terrible, Changgu. You are truly irredeemable.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m just being honest,” Shinwon shrugged. “I know I won’t be able to forgive the things you’ve done to me. It seems like your life has just been an endless stream of regrets and bad choices. But we’re stuck here and even if I want to hate you, I can’t. I’ve never been able to hold grudges and I have this really bad habit of giving everybody the benefit of the doubt, including the worst sorts of people out there.”

“You should work on that, you know. It’s my fault any of this mess happened.”

“Well, as twisted and screwed up as it is, it’s also your fault that I ever met Hui or Hyunggu. That’s the weird thing about life, isn’t it? You only think about the bad things that happen, and the wreckage left in the wake of the burn, but if you spend too much time dwelling on that, then you forget to pay attention to the flowers that sprout from the ash and the rubble.”

Changgu scoffed. “Okay, Hyunggu, that was the most poetic-deep bullshit I’ve ever heard. He musta really rubbed off on you if you’re talking like him after all this time apart.”

“Maybe so, but am I wrong?” Shinwon held the ghost of a smile. 

“No. Maybe a little naive at times, but everything you say always adds up,” Changgu said before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Shinwon’s cheek. “Can you promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“When you get out, tell them. Tell them that I’m sorry, and that I know they can’t forgive me but that I don’t care. It’s fine. I know I messed up, and they don’t have to ever accept my apology as long as they know it’s there.”

“Tell them yourself,” Shinwon said, laughing softly. “You’re acting like it’s the end of the world, and it’s kinda scary.”

“Maybe you’re right. But it is the end. Maybe not of the world, but of something.”

Shinwon opened his mouth to ask Changgu what he meant by that, but he never got to get the words out because Hongjoong was clearing his throat behind them. The pair turned away from the window to face him. “I’ll take watch. Changgu, you rest. Shinwon, why weren’t you resting in the first place?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Well, try to. You need your energy.”

“Okay,” Shinwon said, nodding quickly. He watched as Changgu moved towards the connected room, lingering in the doorway and turning to face him as if asking if he was coming. He shuffled after him, climbing into the bed next to him, holding onto his hand and staring at him. 

“Changgu?”

“Hm?”

“Promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“Promise me we’ll get through this.”

Changgu stared at him, his eyes dark and warm. He took Shinwon’s hand, lifting it to his lips and placing a soft kiss against his knuckles. “I promise,” he said, but he wasn’t looking at Shinwon’s eyes anymore. His expression was far off, as if he was staring through him. “I promise we’ll get through this.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe what do you guys think?? Leave comments and lmk pls!! (Or scream at me on twt @mcshinwon) I’m excited about the next chapter :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh warning for some /slight/ nsfw at the end of the chapter but like it’s not explicit at all

Shinwon was woken by a hand on his shoulder. He sat up with a start, his heart immediately jumping into his throat, but then he turned to see Hongjoong standing behind him with an apologetic expression. “I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said, laughing weakly. “Wake up though. We’re getting close to our destination.”

“How close?” Shinwon asked, relaxing as he shook Changgu awake.

“Well, with how Purgatory is right now, it’ll probably still take a couple days, but I can feel it every time it shifts. It hasn’t been getting any further away, so it’s just a matter of time,” Hongjoong shrugged.

“Shit,” Shinwon buried his head in his hands.

“Why the curse? That means your almost back home - back to your life,” Hongjoong tilted his head in confusion, dark eyes searching Shinwon’s features for some sort of sign.

“It’s not that. I can’t wait to get home, believe me. A day hasn’t gone by where I haven’t thought about the others that I left behind, praying that they know I’m fine and that they haven’t been spending too much time worrying. But at the same time, now that it’s within my grasp, it seems too easy. I can’t help but worry that something will go wrong,” Shinwon sighed. Next to him, Changgu was blinking awake.

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say too easy. We’ve gone through hell to get this far, and there will be further trials yet, but believe me when I say that I will do everything in my power to make sure we get you back,” Hongjoong said, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder.

“I believe you,” Shinwon nodded.

“Good. Now get moving. I don’t wanna stick around for too long. There’s a pack of demons nearby and I’d like to get outa here before they pick up on our trail,” Hongjoong smiled before turning to leave the room.

“Were you finally able to get some rest?” Changgu’s voice was still thick with sleep next to him, and Shinwon turned to see the other’s hair sticking up in every direction as he rubbed sleep from his eyes.

“Yeah, a bit,” Shinwon said, but it was a lie. Although he’d rested some, he’d been in and out of sleep all night; he somehow felt more tired than he had before.

“Good,” Changgu shifted, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek before standing up and stretching. The shirt he wore lifted to show a sliver of his stomach and Shinwon resisted the urge to reach out and poke it. Instead, he stood up, pulling a can of fruit from his bag and cracking it open before pulling out a fork and beginning to shovel the pieces into his mouth. Peaches weren’t his favorite, but it was leaps and bounds better than nothing, and maybe he’d developed a soft spot for all of the things he refused to eat back in their world. Not having access to a lot of options really changed his view. 

By the time that him and Changgu finally shuffled out of the room, MJ and Hongjoong were both on their feet, bags ready. Hongjoong watched as Shinwon reached for his hockey stick with a raised eyebrow. “Why do you carry that thing around? I’ve seen you in action, and you’re able to hold your own just fine with your magic.”

Shinwon shrugged, looking at the stick in his hands. “Insurance, I guess. Without magic, I’m defenseless. At least this makes me slightly less defenseless.”

“Fair enough. Soon enough, you won’t have to worry about defending yourself though. You’ll be home before you know it,” Hongjoong said, smiling. MJ and Changgu were both frowning.

“Well, let’s not stay here any longer. You were able to sense the hounds with your magic, but now I can hear them. They’re still far off, but they’re getting closer and I don’t wanna risk them catching up to us,” Changgu said, moving to the door and holding it open. The rest of them filed out and Changgu let the door swing shut with a clatter. 

For a while, the four of them walked in quiet. The demons were still a little close for comfort and none of them wanted to risk bringing too much attention to themselves. But then again, they were in Purgatory. There were many more things to be concerned about, like the cracking of dark energy that popped in front of them. Hongjoong’s arm flew up, keeping the rest from moving forward. 

“What the-“

“I’m gonna kill you, you son of a bitch,” a disembodied voice spoke in front of them, warped by the magic as it materialized into the shape of a man. 

“What the hell did you do to get angry spirits after you?” Hongjoong hissed, but at the same time he was drawing up magic, crouching into a defensive stance as he put himself between the spirit and the rest of them.

As the magic morphed and the man’s features became more clear, Shinwon felt his stomach drop. He remembered the days spent locked in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, the cold condescension in the man’s voice every time he talked to him, and then waking up in front of a fire that held the man’s corpse as well as that of his peers. 

“I’d say the same, but I’ve already been there and done that,” Changgu said. Although his voice and expression were disinterested, Shinwon was aware of the way he gripped onto his wrist, tight enough that he might cut off his blood circulation. “How has Purgatory been treating you, Hwiyoung?”

“I don’t know what my acquaintance here did to wrong you…” Hongjoong began, drawing Hwiyoung’s attention to him, “but I’m afraid I can’t let you kill him.”

“Oh yeah? And give me one good reason why he should be allowed to live?” The spirit stared at him, his image flickering faintly in the air.

“He has something of importance to me and if he dies here, he won’t be very helpful.”

“With all due respect, you’re a stranger. For all I know, you could be just as bad as him,” Hwiyoung spoke, his eyes narrowing as he stared at Hongjoong. He’d shifted his stance though, looking less like he was about to attempt to smite them. Not enough to ease Shinwon’s nerves though. He could feel the magic radiating off of Hwiyoung. He didn’t realize that ghosts could access magic, but then again he couldn’t think of any reason why they shouldn’t be able to either. If anything, here in Purgatory, Hwiyoung was stronger than ever.

“A stranger, maybe, but we’re similar, you and I. Dark magic is hard to come by and harder to master, and I know my type when I see them. I have no reason to lie to you, as it would probably kill me much quicker than honesty,” Hongjoong shrugged.

“Alright, then enlighten me. What’s so special about him?”

Hongjoong straightened up, about to move closer to Hwiyoung, but the other held up his hands, energy cracking from them. “Not any closer or I’ll take you all down. Whatever you wanna tell me, you tell me from there.”

Hongjoong cast a glance back at the rest of them, frowning. Shinwon didn’t realize that the other was waiting for approval until he heard Changgu clear his throat next to him. “It’s alright. You can tell him.”

“Are you sure.”

“It’s either you tell the truth right now, or he kills us all. I don’t think there’s another choice,” Changgu said. His voice was calm, but he was gripping onto Shinwon’s wrist tightly enough that Shinwon shifted uncomfortably. He must have noticed because he adjusted his grip so that he was locking his fingers with Shinwon’s instead. “Sorry, I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“I’m fine,” Shinwon said, squeezing his hand back. Then he trained his eyes back on Hongjoong who nodded before turning to face the ghost again. 

“As you can likely tell, we’re all alive. We’re not meant to be here. In order to get out of here, two essential things are needed. A witch,” he pointed at Shinwon, “and a key,” his finger moved so he was pointing at Changgu. “He’s not meant to die here or by your hands, and if you take him from us now then we’ll have no way back.”

“A key… Changgu what is he talking about?” Shinwon turned to Changgu, but the other was looking ahead with an unreadable expression, his jaw set. 

“As someone versed in dark magic, you have to know the risks of what you’re planning. Does Shinwon even know?” Hwiyoung asked, his brows furrowed. He let the magic fizzle out of his hands as he stood down, but he still made no move to leave yet.

“No,” Hongjoong simply said. The one word held enough weight that it settled over them all heavily. No. He’d been keeping information from Shinwon all this time and whatever it was, it had to do with him and Changgu and from the way everybody was looking at each other, it wasn’t good. Whatever the risks were, Shinwon wondered if they were worth it. 

“No,” Hongjoong repeated again, shaking his head with a weak laugh. “I’ve told him the absolute minimum. Manipulative, maybe, but I made a promise that I’d help him get home no matter the cost. Besides, Shinwon might not know everything but Changgu does. His agreement is paramount to any of this working.”

“You know?” Hwiyoung was incredulous as he turned to face Changgu. “He told you what he’s planning and you agreed to it?”

Changgu nodded quietly, squeezing Shinwon’s hand.

“I never thought I’d see the day that Yeo Changgu put someone else’s life above his own. What happened to you?”

“I fell in love.”

Hwiyoung’s laughter was cold. “You fell in love? Really? With the guy you had me kidnap? Now it’s starting to make sense why you had to take me out of the equation. You can’t possibly think he’d forgive you just because you’re working together.”

“He hasn’t. I know that Shinwon feels differently than I do, and I could never ask for him to forgive me, but that isn’t going to stop me from doing everything in my power to get him back home. I’ve done so much bad, so let me do just one good thing.”

“Fine,” Hwiyoung simply said, “but only because you and I both know how this is going to end.” 

“What-“ Shinwon began to speak, but before he could even form a full sentence, Hwiyoung had disappeared from sight. The four of them stood in a heavy silence, looking between each other in confusion. 

“You have got a lot of explaining to do,” Shinwon tried to keep his voice even as he turned to face Hongjoong. “You tell me what you’ve been keeping from me, and I want the full truth. I’m not budging until I get it.”

Hongjoong sighed, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Shinwon, but the full truth will have to wait a little longer. That spat with your old friend cost us time and I can feel the magic of the demons. If we wait around here anymore, they’ll be on us. We lose them and find a place to rest, and then I’ll talk. I promise,” he moved towards Shinwon with a frown before holding out his hand. Shinwon took it, shaking it cautiously. 

“What have you gotten yourself into, now?” Shinwon asked softly, falling into step next to Changgu as they began walking again.

“Nothing I can’t handle,” Changgu said. He smiled, but it didn’t meet his eyes. 

_Liar,_ Shinwon thought. “Okay,” he said. 

* * *

He wasn’t sure how long they were walking for when they came across a building. The forest had tapered out into a field and they’d been walking along a long stretch of road that was crumbling and overgrown with pale plants. The building appeared to have once been somebody’s home. It was large and stood out in the otherwise empty landscape, and the floorboards creaked beneath their feet as they walked across the porch to the door. Hongjoong pulled at the doorknob, but it was locked. He sighed, shaking his head before holding his hand over it.

“Open sesame,” he said.

Shinwon heard the lock slide open and regarded the other with a raised eyebrow. “I didn’t know that that was actually a spell.”

“It’s not. I didn’t need to even say anything, it’s just fun to say,” he shrugged before shuffling inside. 

The entryway was empty save for dust and some plants that seemed to be growing through the floorboards. Hongjoong shut the door behind them and then gestured for them to follow after him. “I’m going to preface this discussion with the fact that I am completely aware that you won’t like it. If you hate me, that’s fine,” Hongjoong spoke calmly, not turning around as he made his way into the living room. He stopped in front of the window, pulling at the curtains and peering outside. 

“You called Changgu a key. You’ve said that getting out of here would take a toll on me, but I’m beginning to think it’s more than that,” Shinwon tried to keep his voice even as he spoke. He didn’t want to betray the dread that had been suffocating him all day. 

“He is a key. When you guys opened the gateway from your world to this one, you used light magic. Because it was light, the price was just your own energy and magic, nothing more. Maybe it was a hard spell, but the price was easy to pay. To get out of here, you can’t rely on light. The spell you have to use requires more than just your magic, and that’s where Changgu comes into play. Changgu, would you like me to continue or would you like to explain the rest yourself?” Hongjoong paused to turn and give Changgu a questioning glance. Shinwon felt the other reach down, taking hold of his hand.

“It’s probably better he hears it from me…” Changgu said, sighing as he turned over Shinwon’s hand in his own, tracing lines across the back of it. “The spell you have to cast is powerful. It doesn’t require spoken components like the one you used to get here, but instead it requires something physical; something meaningful. Things aren’t meant to leave this place, so of course it’d be hard to get out.”

“Changgu…”

“This is what it requires,” Changgu’s voice was soft, his gaze serious as he moved Shinwon’s hand, resting it over his heart. Shinwon could feel his pulse, steady and strong. 

“I don’t understand…”

“Life. It requires life, but it can’t just be any person. It has to be someone who loves you.”

Shinwon shook his head, pulling his hand from Changgu’s grip. “No… I’m not-“

“It’s what needs to-“

“There has to be some other way. How else would ghosts be able to end up in our world, or things from ours end up here?”

Hongjoong shook his head slowly. “If there was another way, I would have gotten out of here a long time ago. Things that move between worlds on accident are exactly that: accidents. It takes a lot more to intentionally move between worlds.”

“Like sacrifice? What the hell are you trying to make me do? And you’re fine with this?” Shinwon’s voice rose slightly and he willed himself to keep calm but it wasn’t working. He could feel tears pricking at the corner of his eye, threatening to spill over. Changgu stared at him sadly, but his expression was calm and that only made Shinwon’s heart lurch. He reached for Shinwon’s hand and Shinwon let him take it again. 

“Shinwon. It’s fine. I’m okay with this, really.”

“Why?”

Changgu laughed weakly, shaking his head. “Back home? There’s nothing I’d be able to do to help you or to make the others forgive me, and I don’t want their forgiveness. I don’t deserve it. All I’ve done to anybody is make things harder and cause problems. I’m the one who pulled you into this mess, right? The least I can do is help you get out. If I can’t get you out of here and to the people you care about, then what good am I?” 

When he put it like that, he made it sound simple. He made it sound like it was the easiest and most straightforward decision in the world. Shinwon remembered the expressions that had passed over his features the day that Hongjoong had pulled him outside to talk to him alone; the anger and confusion followed by the acceptance and peace. It made Shinwon angry, but he didn’t have the right to be angry. It was Changgu’s life, not his, but the fact that the other was so willing to let go of it… 

“I can’t,” Shinwon said. His voice cracked slightly and he didn’t even try to fight back the tears as they began to streamed down his face. “That’s asking a lot of me. Even if I agreed now, when the time comes, you and I both know I won’t be able to. Not after everything,” Shinwon said.

“I’ll help you. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back to everybody you know and love. You need them, Shinwon, and their lives are better with you in them. Please don’t try to argue this. Please let me do just one good thing.” 

Shinwon shook his head, squeezing Changgu’s hand. “You’re such an idiot,” he sighed. Then, he turned to face Hongjoong. “Tell me what I have to do.”

* * *

The four of them had sat in the living room for the better part of an hour as Hongjoong explained the details of the spell to Shinwon. It was pure dark magic, and although the other insisted that Shinwon had done it before and was better at it than he thought, doubt still hung in Shinwon’s mind. Not even necessarily at the idea of such a powerful spell as much as what he would have to do in order for it to work. A sigil drawn on the ground in blood and at the center a heart. That was how they’d make the gateway. And Changgu had listened to the conversation with a passive expression as if it wasn’t going to be his blood on Shinwon’s hands. 

And now Hongjoong was telling them all to rest up, that he’d take watch and that they’d need all their energy for tomorrow. They were close. He said it was like Purgatory was trying to bring them there. Like it was a part of some grand plan that was beyond any of them.

“Hey,” MJ spoke from behind them, resting a hand on Changgu’s shoulder.

“Hm?”

“I know we didn’t get off on the best foot, but you’re not terrible. You’re one hell of a fighter, that’s for sure, and you might be stubborn, but at least you know what you’re fighting for. I’ll miss you,” he said. When Changgu didn’t speak right away, he shook his head and began to shuffle out of the room. He made it about halfway up the stairs before Changgu broke the silence.

“MJ.”

“Hm?”

“I don’t hate you. I never did,” Changgu said. 

MJ smiled at him, but said nothing else as he continued up the stairs quietly. 

“Where do we go from here?” Shinwon asked. The question wasn’t specifically directed at Hongjoong or Changgu, and he stared at the floor as he spoke. Soon they’d - he’d be home. It was within reach, but knowing the price he’d have to pay to get there left a hollow feeling in his gut.

He didn’t love Changgu. At least, not in the same way as the other loved him. His feelings were a complicated mess that their proximity and the bond only blurred even more. But he did know that he cared about him and the last thing he wanted to do was watch the life seep from his body. He’d grown attached and it was a weakness. And the fact that he could see plain and clear how much Changgu cared for him - how genuine his feelings were - only made things harder. Maybe it was God or fate or some other higher power, but whatever the grand plan was, Shinwon was struggling to find a silver lining. 

“To bed. You need all of the rest you can get for tomorrow. Don’t worry about me, okay?” Hongjoong answered, gesturing at Shinwon and Changgu to leave. 

“Okay,” Shinwon replied, taking Changgu by the wrist and leading him out of the room. The other was silent behind him, his footsteps barely making a sound as they moved up the stairs to find a place to sleep. The first door was open and Shinwon could hear MJ snoring softly through it. He was laying on a mattress that’d seen better days, the dull glow of a candle flickering next to him. Soon, he wouldn’t have to worry about what lurked in the dark. Soon, he’d be able to return to his friends after nearly a decade of being apart from them.

The next room looked like it was supposed to be an office or personal library, although the furniture inside was mostly empty and covered in dust. There was a desk and a few shelves, and on one of the shelves, there was a single book. Shinwon shuffled inside of the room, curiously reaching for it. It was leather bound and the pages were filled with a thin cursive script that blended together, the ink almost thick enough that it bled through the pages, but whatever language it was, Shinwon couldn’t decipher it. Instead he set it back on the shelf, but not before a photograph fell out of it.

He knelt down to pick it up. It had faded with time and the edges were stained. The same script from the book was written on the back, barely visible in pencil. The front of it depicted a family. There was a middle aged woman, two boys that looked about his age, a little girl, and the figure of a man standing behind the group, hands resting on the boy’s shoulders. The man’s face was blotted out with ink and the rest of the family members wore neutral expressions. 

“What do you think their story is?”

“Hm?”

“This family. Do you think they still live here? Back in our world? Do you think they’re happy?”

Changgu frowned, moving across the room to peer at the photograph in Shinwon’s hand. He reached for it, turning it around and trying to decipher the writing on the back of it. 

“I think they’re long gone. I hope they found happiness, though.”

“Why do you think the man was blotted out?”

Changgu shrugged. “Maybe he was a criminal, or at least arrested. Maybe he left the family behind for something else. Why do you care so much?”

“I don’t know. I guess it’s weird to see this many traces of people in a place. This whole time, we’ve been scavenging for scraps to get along, and most places have been abandoned and barely contained anything. Seeing a photograph just kinda hit me with this realization that all of this? It’s real in our world too. Maybe the weather is different and they don’t have to worry about demons, but we’re in somebody’s house, using their things.”

“I’ve never thought about it like that before…” Changgu simply said. He stared at the photograph for a little longer, a frown set into his features, and then he gently slid it back into the book it had fallen from. “Come on,” he whispered, reaching for Shinwon’s hand. He let him take it, quietly following him out of the room with the photograph looming at the back of his mind. He made a resolution that if he somehow ever ended up crossing paths with those people, he’d thank them. He knew the likelihood of it was next to nothing, but he still wanted to commit their faces to memory. 

They found themselves in a small room with peeling lilac wallpaper. The curtains had seen better days, but there was a bed and the bed had blankets, so Shinwon supposed that was better than nothing. He shrugged his bag off of his shoulder, kicking his boots off before he moved to sit down. Changgu sat down next to him, the bed sinking under his weight. 

“Are you afraid?” Shinwon broke the silence, his voice coming out in barely a whisper.

“Terrified.”

“Then why? Why are you doing this?”

Changgu shook his head with a weak laugh before letting his eyes rest on Shinwon. “I’d die a thousand times if it meant saving you just once. Maybe it’s my fault we’re here, but if I can get you home, then I have to. No matter what the cost is.” His eyes were dark and his voice was genuine as he held Shinwon’s gaze. 

Shinwon didn’t know what to say to that, so instead he leaned in, letting his lips ghost across Changgu’s. The other gasped softly, but then leaned in, kissing him deeply. Shinwon moved his hand up to cup the other’s cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear. “Shinwon…” Changgu’s voice was soft, his lips still close enough to Shinwon’s own that he could feel them moving as he spoke.

“Hm?”

“Can I ask you for one last thing? You don’t have to say yes…”

“Anything. What is it?” Shinwon asked, pulling back and staring at Changgu with a determined expression. 

“You. No venom, nothing like that. Just you.” His gaze was heavy on Shinwon, his eyes serious. 

“The answer is yes,” Shinwon said without hesitation. “I’m here, okay? I’m yours.”

“Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t say yes if I wasn’t…” Shinwon sighed, moving to kiss Changgu again. Both of their lips were chapped but it didn’t matter. He moved his hands through the other’s hair, letting them rest at the back of his neck as he moved his tongue along his lips. “I’ll hold onto you until I can’t anymore,” he whispered as he pulled back for a moment. 

“Thank you,” Changgu said. He was blinking back tears, but so was Shinwon. “Let’s stop crying, okay? There’s no point in worrying about the future, so let’s focus on the present instead, alright?” His smile was shaky and Shinwon couldn’t help the laugh that came out.

“Changgu, we’re both messes. That’s easier said than done,” he spoke, his voice hoarse as he smiled at the other. “But for tonight, I’m yours. All of me.”

“Okay,” Changgu kissed Shinwon again. 

They pulled apart, carefully peeling off layers of worn clothes and throwing them off to the side without regard. Their lips found each other’s again just as quickly, and even though they were both still fighting tears, they laughed. 

“You know what the crazy thing is?” Changgu asked as Shinwon placed his hands against his chest, pushing him onto his back. 

“Hm?” Shinwon asked, moving to press a gentle kiss under Changgu’s eye and another on his cheek. 

“I’m terrified, but I’m not sad.”

“You’ve been crying-“

“Only because you’re crying and I don’t like seeing you cry.”

“Well… maybe you’ve come to terms with the sacrifice you’re making, but I haven’t,” Shinwon said, sighing as he moved to brush a tear off of Changgu’s cheek. “But it doesn’t matter right now. I have you, okay?”

“Okay,” Changgu said, nodding. “I love you,” he whispered when Shinwon dripped down to place a kiss against his jaw.

“I know. God, I know,” Shinwon whispered back. He didn’t trust himself to speak above a whisper. Instead, he kept placing gentle kisses against Changgu’s skin. They moved tentatively and carefully. Maybe things were messy, but at least they had each other, right? Changgu let Shinwon lead, watching him with dark trusting eyes, and the whole time Shinwon could feel his heart breaking a little more. Maybe he couldn’t forgive him completely, and maybe he didn’t feel quite the same way, but he cared about him nonetheless. He wanted him and he wished things hadn’t gotten so messed up, but they did and now he supposed that Changgu was paying for it. All of it. 

Shinwon was careful, his touches gentle as Changgu shuddered beneath him, his eyes not daring to leave his own. The intensity of his gaze made Shinwon feel small, and the way he gripped onto him made him never want to let go. When all was said and done, neither of them dared move away from the other. They stayed like that for a while, just staring at each other, shoulders heaving. When they finally peeled apart, Shinwon broke the silence.

“This is really it for us, isn’t it.”

“Maybe. As messed up as it’s been, I’m glad I was able to have you by my side,” Changgu laughed.

“I’m glad I was able to be there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How we feelin, kids


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for blood/gore/etc this chapter

When Shinwon woke up, it was from the heat. It wasn’t the comforting warmth of sunlight streaming through the windows nor the warmth of the body asleep next to him; it was a dry warmth that pulled at his energy and left him feeling tired. He pushed himself out of bed, stretching before pulling on his clothes. It was never warm in Purgatory - at least, not in any of the parts they’d traveled through. It had always been sort of cold and damp, the air thick with moisture no matter where they were. Shinwon shuffled out of the room, careful not to wake Changgu before he made his way downstairs. 

Hongjoong was in the living room, sprawled out on the couch, but he was awake. From the circles around his eyes, Shinwon doubted that he’d slept.

“What’s happening?” He asked, hoping that the other would know what he was referring to.

“The heat? That means we’re close. Much closer to the source than we were when we got here.”

“Will it keep getting warmer?”

Hongjoong shrugged. “I don’t think so, but I’m afraid that the heat won’t be the only cause of discomfort. This place… it drains life and magic. When we get there, we won’t have the time to hang around. We’ll have to leave right away. Are you prepared for that?”

Shinwon shook his head. “Not really. But it’s not like I have a choice.”

“I’m sorry it’s come to this,” Hongjoong sighed, pushing himself into a sitting position. “We should get going soon though. The sooner we’re all out of here, the better.”

“Not all of us,” Shinwon snapped. Then he shook his head with a sigh. “I’ll go wake Changgu and MJ.” 

MJ was already sitting up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes when Shinwon knocked on the doorframe. “Rise and shine. Hongjoong wants us to get going,” he said, refusing to meet his eyes. The other stared at him blankly before nodding.

Then, he was shuffling to the room he and Changgu had claimed. The other was still fast asleep, but he’d moved so he was sprawled out and taking up the whole bed, having rolled onto his stomach and reached out to wrap an arm around one of the pillows. Shinwon resisted the urge to reach out and ruffle his hair, instead gently grabbing his shoulder and shaking him awake. “It’s time to go, ‘ggu.” 

The other mumbled something into the pillow before sitting up and staring at Shinwon with tired eyes. There was a calmness in them that made Shinwon want to crumble completely. He almost looked relieved. Shinwon hated it. The other said nothing else as he pushed himself out of bed, pulling on clothes and gathering his belongings into a bag. “Let’s go then,” he said. He reached out, grabbing Shinwon’s hand and Shinwon let himself be pulled back down the stairs. 

* * *

They walked in silence. It was like they were tiptoeing and if anything, it only made Shinwon feel worse. He hated it. They weren’t the only ones that seemed to be holding their breath. Not that he’d ever describe Purgatory as being a lively place, but there was a stillness to everything that put him on edge. It was like everything was waiting, but maybe it was just the stillness of death caused by the pull of dark magic. They were all feeling the pull now, even Changgu and MJ. Hongjoong was the only one who didn’t seem to be bad off, and Shinwon suspected it was due to his affinity for dark magic. Still, even if the place wasn’t draining his magic, it had an effect on his life and his energy. Shinwon had no idea how he was supposed to cast a spell like this. Hongjoong had warned him that it would be hard on him, but he had no idea how draining just being there would be. It was like Purgatory was leeching off of him.

Shinwon wasn’t sure how long they passed that way, walking in silence with the only sounds being twigs snapping under their boots. All he knew was that suddenly, Hongjoong was holding his hand up in warning, gesturing for them to stop. “What is it?” Changgu hissed, his voice cutting through the quiet like a knife.

“The good news is that we’re just about there. The bad news is that there appears to be a pack of demons in between us and freedom,” he said. He turned around, giving them a panicked smile that bordered on crazed. “We don’t have time. Are you guys up to this?” His gaze was focused on Changgu and MJ. They looked between each other before nodding. “Good. I’ll assist where I can, but Shinwon. No using magic. You need to conserve your energy.”

Shinwon wanted to argue, but he could tell from the seriousness in Hongjoong’s gaze that arguing wouldn’t get him anywhere. Instead he nodded. “I won’t use magic, but I still have this,” he said, holding up his hockey stick. “It might not be enough to kill them, but it’s better than nothing, right?”

“Or,” MJ interjected, before pulling his sword out of his belt and holding it towards Shinwon, “you could use this.” 

“I was starting to forget you had that,” Shinwon laughed, but he took the hilt of it. It was heavy in his hand, but he’d expected it. Still, he was no trained swordsman and he was sure his movements would be clumsy. “Thank you.” 

“Don’t mention it,” MJ laughed, and the group turned to face the forest ahead. The trees were thick and the undergrowth was thicker, but Shinwon could see a noticeable change in the environment. It was like everything around them was gradually losing its color, fading from greens and browns and reds to muted shades to blacks and greys. The magic was draining everything, them included. 

“It’s now or never,” Changgu said, sighing, and then he was charging forward, MJ at his heels. The four of them ran through the trees, and eventually the forest opened up into a clearing. It was shaped like a perfect circle, and nothing grew in the cold stone that covered the ground. Pairs of hollow eyes turned on them as the demons detected their presence, and then all hell broke loose. Shinwon didn’t have the time to register how many of them there were before he was being surrounded by a handful of them. He could hear Changgu and MJ shouting as they began to fight off demons and he could feel a surge of energy from Hongjoong, but surrounded by demons, Shinwon felt helpless. The sword was a weight in his arms that he wasn’t used to, and his movements were clumsy. He fought them back, slashing at them sloppily, and he was able to behead a couple of them, but the others surged to take their places just as quickly. He didn’t have the time to worry about handling a sword because if he didn’t change his tactic soon, the demons were gonna be the ones to kill him, not Purgatory. 

He dropped the sword at his feet as the demons surrounded him, focusing on the pull of the dark magic around him. He could hear Hongjoong yelling his name, but it blended in with the rest of the cacophony around them as he crouched down, placing a hand against the cool stone. As soon as his fingers brushed against the stone, the pull of the energy intensified and Shinwon forced his eyes shut, ignoring the waves of dizziness and pain that swelled over him. He could feel the energy of the demons around them all and focused on that, and then he yanked on it hard. The demons screamed, a deafening sound that had everyone else cursing, and all of their eyes turned on Shinwon, but before any of them could make any moves towards him, they exploded. Not in the same way that he’d made them in the past, a mess of blood and gore, but into clouds of darkness and energy that dissipated into nothingness, leaving the four of them standing and staring at each other in shock.

“What the hell was that,” MJ asked, staring at him with wide eyes.

Shinwon’s head spun as he pushed himself to his feet. He could feel warmth streaming down his face and taste the pang of blood on his lips, and sure enough, when he raised his hand to wipe at it, it came away covered in his own blood.

“Shinwon, you goddamn idiot,” Hongjoong said, shaking his head and making his way to him. He reached out, clasping a hand around Shinwon’s own. Shinwon could feel the faint stream of magic coming from the other as he gave his own energy to him, but it wasn’t enough to stop his head from spinning. “We don’t have time to get you healed. You gotta start the spell now,” he sighed. His voice was tired but behind the exhaustion, Shinwon could see something else. For probably the first time since he’d met him, Hongjoong looked terrified, and his normal bravado wasn’t enough to cover the uncertainty that blanketed his features. 

Shinwon nodded, before turning to face Changgu. Changgu, who looked just as exhausted and who was covered in blood and dirt. Changgu, who smiled at him sweetly as he pulled a knife from his pocket. “Let’s not waste anymore time, yeah?” He laughed.

Shinwon couldn’t laugh, instead nodding quietly as he moved towards him, taking the knife from his hands and holding the blade to Changgu’s arm. “It’s alright, ‘Won. A little blood never hurt anybody,” he said. 

“Except it’s not a little,” Shinwon said, fighting to keep his voice even as he pressed the blade into Changgu’s arm, focusing his energy and magic on the blood that began to bloom from the wound. Changgu didn’t even wince, instead watching curiously as Shinwon moved the knife down his arm before putting it away. Shinwon’s head swam and he tried not to think about what he was doing as he moved his fingers along the cut, coating them in blood. He dropped Changgu’s arm then, making his way towards the center of the clearing before he began to draw a sigil with the blood. Changgu lingered close behind, quietly offering his arm as Shinwon continued to draw. The sigil was large, but it wasn’t overly detailed. Changgu’s blood glimmered against the dark stone, and Shinwon swore he could see the magic he’d poured into it shimmering. The more Shinwon worked, the more he could feel the toll of the use of magic. His body wasn’t made for dark magic - not in the way that Hongjoong’s was - yet he was the one who had to cast the spell. As he finished drawing the sigil, pain shot through his body. His legs threatened to give out, but Changgu was there to steady him. 

“You’re okay. You’re almost there,” he said, his voice calm. His smile was genuine and it hurt. There wasn’t much left to do. Shinwon turned to MJ and Hongjoong, gesturing for them to step into the sigil. The pair looked at each other, both frowning, and then moved inside, taking their places. Shinwon turned to Changgu. 

“I’m sorry,” Shinwon said, and this time, he couldn’t keep his voice from cracking.

“For what? If anybody should be apologizing, it’s me, okay? Don’t say sorry.”

“I… I can’t,” Shinwon began, staring at the ground. His hands were shaking and although he had managed to concentrate every last scrap of magic into his hand, he couldn’t move. Hongjoong had told him he wouldn’t have the time to wait around, but he still couldn’t bring himself to finish it. 

“That’s what I’m here for,” Changgu smiled at him sadly. “It’s okay, Shinwon, really.” His gaze was intense, and Shinwon could feel the wave of compulsion wash over him. He knew better than to try to fight it, and even if he wanted to, he wasn’t sure he would have had the strength to. He was holding to everything by a thread. 

“It’s okay. Go ahead,” Changgu repeated. Shinwon lifted up his arm, placing his hand softly against Changgu’s chest, feeling the quick beat of his heart through his shirt. He let the magic wash over him, pouring it into his arm, and then he reached forward, his hand moving through skin as if nothing was actually there. His hand closed around something warm and pulsing, and he could see Changgu wince in discomfort. “I love you,” he said quietly.

“I know,” Shinwon said, and then he pulled. 

For a moment, the pair of them stared at the heart in his hand. “Would you look at that,” Changgu laughed, but the last word didn’t quite come out as he collapsed to the ground, blood pouring out of the place his heart had been. 

Shinwon wanted to scream and cry, he wanted to reach out for Changgu, but he was still under his compulsion. He had to finish the spell. His legs moved on their own, carrying him to the center of the sigil, where he set the heart down. Hongjoong and MJ watched him silently, and he stared at the heart, shaking his head as he poured everything he had left into it and into the thought of home. 

For a moment, nothing happened, but then the world seemed to crumble apart around them, enveloping them all in darkness as they ceased to exist for a terrifyingly long moment. Just as quickly, Shinwon could see the shadows receding as they were replaced by a forest that was cast in the clear glow of moonlight. Not the dull reddish glow of Purgatory, but the white glow of their world. Shinwon looked up at the trees and the sky above them, laughing weakly, and then he collapsed.

Pain shot through his body as darkness quickly closed in on him. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t because his lungs wouldn’t even allow him to breath. He could hear MJ and Hongjoong shouting in alarm, but the more time passed, the blurrier their voices became until he couldn’t decipher more than a few words. They seemed to be yelling at each other, and Shinwon could feel hands on his shoulders, cradling his body as he writhed against the ground.

“...don’t have time…”

“...never forgive…”

“I don’t care… get him… one piece…” 

Their sentences became more and more fragmented, and Shinwon could feel his heart hammering away in his chest, skipping a beat, then two. He let out a strangled gasp, but it wasn’t enough. He could barely feel it as his body was moved, registering that someone was holding him closer now. 

“I’m sorry,” MJ said. He wanted to ask why, but his lips refused to move.

A dull pain shot its way through his body, more subtle than the pain from the overuse of magic, and then with one final gasp, Ko Shinwon’s heart stopped beating. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,,,, how we feelin?
> 
> also pls leave a comment bc I’ve been having some writer’s block and could use some motivation


	16. Chapter 16

The first snow had come early that year, covering the earth in a glimmering blanket of white at the beginning of October. It was more than confusing; nobody had an explanation for it and the weathermen were baffled. Kim Hyuna, on the other hand, knew differently. The snow wouldn’t stick because it wasn’t even cold outside. Soon enough it would either be blown away or melt into the earth below. There had been a disturbance of magic and they had all felt the echoes of it. It wasn’t like anything she’d felt before, and whatever it was, it must have taken a lot to do. But like all things she didn’t understand, she wanted to get to the bottom of it on her own. Better to figure it out and know whether her suspicions were true before bringing false hope to the others.

It was easier said than done, though. 

The others had felt the surge in magic, and because she was the oldest and most experienced of them, they had naturally turned to her. 

“There’s no way to be certain, and for all I know it could be completely unrelated, but…” she looked at the faces in front of her. Hyojong was frowning, having already cracked her enough that she’d told him her worries. Yanan was gripping the arms of his seat like it was the last thing tethering him to their world. Hui was sitting with his arms crossed protectively in front of his chest, his legs bouncing up and down nervously. Hyunggu didn’t need to hear the rest of the sentence to see right through her, and he stared at her with wide eyes. Eyes that held just the slightest glimmer of hope.

“Even if it’s not him, we have to look. We have to at least try,” she finished her sentence, nodding.

“What do you need us to do, then?” Hui asked. 

“If he’s here… if he’s really back, we should be able to trace his location using magic. It didn’t work last time because the dark witch had put a block on him, but there’s no reason to suspect he’d have a block on him this time. I’ll need something of his.” 

“Will this work?” Hui pulled at a necklace he’d wrapped around his wrist. It wasn’t anything ornate by any means; it was just a smooth cord with a single crucifix on it. Hyuna tried not to scoff at the irony as Hui dropped it into her hand, reaching out with her magic to feel for any traces of Shinwon’s magic on the trinket. It was there. It’d grown more faint with the passing of time, but she could still feel him.

“This will be perfect.”

“I’ve been keeping it with me all this time. It felt nice to have something of his. I hope we’re able to find him…”

“Me too,” Hyuna said, closing her fingers around the necklace. “Help me clear the center of the room, boys,” she said, rising to her feet. When she’d originally felt the disturbance of magic, she had been certain that it was Shinwon and that he’d found a way back, but that wasn’t what she was afraid of. It’d been under two months for them, but there was no telling how much time had passed in Purgatory. On top of that, there was no way of knowing what types of horrors he might have found there or what he had gone through. She was positive she could find him, but she wasn’t sure of the state that he would be in. 

Everybody worked together, pulling the table out of the way and then moving anything that might be breakable. Hyojong disappeared from the living room only to return with a box. He held it open and Hyuna picked out the candles she needed, carefully cradling them in her arm as she moved back to the center of the room to place them in a circle around Shinwon’s necklace. Once she was satisfied with the setup, she leaned down to the candles, lighting them each carefully. Then, she was gesturing for Yanan and Hyojong to join her. 

Although she was the most experienced in terms of magic, she needed their power for the spell. She supposed she should consider herself lucky for even keeping a fraction of her magic after she’d been turned all those centuries ago, but anytime she had to borrow magic, it was a bitter reminder of how strong she used to be. In her first life, she’d been one of the most powerful witches around, but when she was turned into a vampire, she’d traded most of that magic for an eternity of drinking blood. 

Yanan and Hyojong took their places on either side of her, their hands gripping onto hers tightly as she began to draw from their magic, her lips soundlessly moving as she began to cast the spell. She could feel Hui and Hyunggu’s eyes on her and she only hoped that she would have good news for them. At first, the magic hung in the air as she focused on the necklace and on Shinwon, but then her eyelids fluttered shut and the necklace burst into flames as the room around her fell away.

* * *

**Hyuna found herself standing in the middle of a forest, but the forest was about as far from natural as one could get. It looked like something had eaten away at everything that might have grown there, turning the trees black and rotten and turning the ground to nothing more than dry dirt. She could see where the rot ended, the forest turning back into its natural state, but the spot she stood in was a circle of death. She felt a sinking feeling in her gut as she looked around. She didn’t see Shinwon or any sign of anybody else, so she supposed she would have to keep looking. She reached out for the necklace back home and for Yanan’s and Hyojong’s magic, and then she followed the pull.**

**She couldn’t even tell where she was as she wandered through the forest. Although only a small portion of it was dead and rotten, she couldn’t shake the unease that had settled over her as she continued to move. She mustn’t waste any time. She could only keep the spell going for so long, even with the help of the others.**

**She wasn’t sure how long passed before she emerged from the forest and onto a street. The surroundings were vaguely familiar now, but she couldn’t quite place how as she continued to walk. There weren’t any buildings lining the road and all she could see was the rolling hills of the countryside. In the distance, she thought she might have seen a home, but that wasn’t the direction she was being pulled in. She continued down the road, holding her breath as she reached out for Shinwon.**

**This was significantly further than she’d gotten the last time she’d tried to locate him, but still, the spell wasn’t supposed to work like this. It should have taken her right to him, but instead she was blindly following his energy, trying to figure out what the hell had happened.**

**She could feel the pull of his energy becoming stronger, slowly but surely, and soon enough, she could see a road in the distance that branched into the forest. She recognized it now. It led one of the sanctuaries. Although she hadn’t made the place herself, she’d been friends with the witch who had, and after he’d passed on, she’d more or less inherited it. It’d been years since she’d last been to the place, but if Shinwon had found a sanctuary, then he had to be safe, right?**

**She followed the road into the forest until it opened out into a clearing, and in the center of that clearing was a small cluster of buildings. A couple of them were housing while the other served as a lodge with a kitchen as well as a hospital. The energy led her to one of the homes, though, and she did a sigh of relief. He wasn’t in the hospital, so that had to be good, right? She moved soundlessly, her body slipping through the walls of the home. He was here, and she could feel him loud and clear now. She could feel the beating of his heart and hear the sound of him breathing.**

**A boy she didn’t recognize sat in the living room, jiggling his leg nervously and seemingly unaware of her presence. She didn’t have to look twice to know he was a vampire, but that wasn’t what stuck out to her. He was grimy and covered in dirt and blood and who knows what else, and he looked worried about something. She could hear movement from the next room over and she tore her attention away from the boy, moving through the wall soundlessly.**

**Inside, the next room, a vaguely familiar man was muttering to himself as he shook his head. He held a needle to his arm, and Hyuna watched as he began to draw his own blood, filling a handful of vials before removing the needle and bandaging himself up.** **_What was he doing?_ **

**Suddenly, he looked up, eyes darting around the room with a frown before they rested on Hyuna. He shouldn’t have been able to see her, but he could, and he tilted his head, staring at her with curiosity. “Are you looking for him?” He asked, and Hyuna stared at him in confusion for a moment before realizing that he was addressing her. She wasn’t sure he would be able to hear her if she spoke, so instead, she nodded. He sighed, shaking his head, before gesturing for her to follow.**

**He led her down the hall and into a bedroom, gesturing towards a figure that lay on the sheets. Unlike him and the vampire in the living room, Shinwon was clean. It looked like he’d been being tended to with care as he lay on the bed, his chest steadily rising and falling as he slept. Despite her feeling the beating of his heart, and seeing him breathing, something was off. Something that she couldn’t quite pick at as he slept. She moved closer to him, trying to look for a sign. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but there had to be a reason that the spell hadn’t brought her right to him, and she was going to get to the bottom of it.**

**He looked healthy, and his skin showed none of the paleness that came with being sick. Light scars littered his arms and torso, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know what might have caused them. They couldn’t have been recent though because they were almost healed and barely visible. But then she saw a scar on his arm that stuck out. Although it too had grown pale as it’d healed, it wasn’t the same as the scratches and bites that covered the rest of him. His skin was slightly bruised around it, but she could very clearly see the puncture marks and the realization settled over her.**

**Shinwon hadn’t survived Purgatory after all.**

**She turned to face the witch who’d led her to him, staring at him in confusion and hoping that would convey what she wanted to ask.**

**He sighed, shaking his head. “I warned him that he needed to conserve power before casting the spell to leave. I told him that it would take a lot out of him, but when we needed to cast it, we were surrounded by demons. He had to use magic to defend himself, and casting the spell to leave took everything he had left. Everything. He’s here now though, and that’s what matters. I promised I’d get him back to you all, and I have no intention of backing down from it.”**

**Hyuna wanted to respond, but she could feel her grip on the spell loosening. It was time for her to leave. She said nothing else to the witch as she let go, letting the world around her melt away.**

* * *

“I found him,” Hyuna simply said, her voice coming out quietly as she opened her eyes. She was dizzy from the use of power, and a glance and Yanan and Hyojong told her that she’d taken a lot out of them as well. 

“Where?” Hyunggu was the first to break the quiet, standing up from his seat. 

“One of the sanctuaries. He’s at one of the sanctuaries.” 

“How is he?” Yanan asked. Although she’d used his and Hyojong’s magic to cast the spell, neither of them had gotten a glimpse of what she’d seen and what she’d discovered. She wasn’t entirely sure if she should even be the one to tell them.

“Asleep, but his heart is beating. He’s being looked after by a witch,” she said, nodding, and thankfully that seemed to be enough of an answer for Yanan. 

“Well? What are we waiting for,” Hui said, pushing himself out of his seat, and grabbing his car keys. 

-

Much to their dismay, it wasn’t as simple as just driving. There were a few borders between them and the sanctuary and some of them couldn’t just be driven across. That was how Hyuna ended up at an airport, surrounded by Hui, Hyunggu, and Yanan. “He’s here. He’s alive. We’ll be with him soon,” Hyunggu kept repeating, reaching out to squeeze Hui’s hand and then Yanan’s. Hyuna wasn’t sure if he was trying to reassure them or himself. 

She was quiet the whole time, and she could feel Hyunggu’s eyes on her as he tried to reach past the walls she put up and figure out what she’d seen. She was good at burying things away when she needed to, so she let him in only enough to feel her concern and nothing more. If she blocked him out completely, he’d be more suspicious, and from the way his eyes kept darting to her, she knew he was aware she was blocking him out. 

The plane they boarded was small and dingy, but the location they were going to was remote so small and dingy was about the best they were going to get. Only a handful of other people were on the flight, and everybody mostly kept to themselves, speaking in hushed voices or slipping on sets of headphones as the plane got ready to take off. The aisle separated the seats into a row of two on one side while the other side only had one. Hui and Hyunggu sat on one side of the aisle, while Yanan sat across from them and Hyuna took the seat behind Yanan. In front of her, she could see Yanan drumming his fingers on his knee and casting nervous glances out the window. Hui and Hyunggu spoke in hushed voices, and Hyuna caught Hyunggu’s eye more than a few times. She could hear them clearly, and she could tell from the way they spoke that they weren’t necessarily trying to hide anything from her, but their conversation shifted.

“He’ll be back to us soon. I can feel it, but… I can also tell that she’s not telling us the whole story, Hui. I know she’d never lie to us, but…”

“Do you think it was Changgu?” Hui asked, his voice calm and defeated.

“I don’t know. I think she would have mentioned if he was there with him. She only mentioned the witch, so I think that Changgu might still be in Purgatoy or…” he trailed off and Hui hummed in understanding. 

“Whatever it is, we’ll work through it. We always do, right?”

“Right.”

* * *

When their flight landed, Hyuna let Hyunggu do the talking. He’d always been good with languages and he slipped between them easily. He spoke with one of the airport workers softly before nodding in understanding and joining the rest of them. “We’ll need someone to drive us, because it’s still about a half an hour out from here. Of all the places to spring up, he really had to end up here,” he laughed weakly, but Hyuna could see the concern in his eyes. They were so close to him, but it didn’t feel real. It had been over a month since they’d seen Shinwon but it felt like much longer. She wasn’t sure when the situation would begin to feel real. 

Although the airport was remote, it didn’t take them too long to find someone to take them to where they needed to go, although it wasn’t as easy as they would have liked. The few drivers that had been lingering around the airport were superstitious and apparently the sanctuary was located in an area that they were wary of. They said that there had been weird things happening around recently, and that the place that they were trying to go was the epicenter of all of that. Eventually, Hyunggu bit the bullet and compelled someone into taking them where they needed to go. 

The four of them climbed into the rusted vehicle quietly as the driver put his keys in the ignition and began to head away from the airport. Hyunggu took shotgun so that he could talk to the driver, while the other three squeezed into the back. Occasionally Hyunggu would make small talk with the driver, but for the most part they sat in silence, the only sound being the rattle of the driver’s engine and the classical music playing on the radio. 

Hyuna wasn’t sure at what point the landscape started to become familiar, but as she stared out the window she came to recognize the stretch of road they drove along; to their left was an endless forest, densely packed with trees, while to their right lay sloping fields of dry grass. Most of the leaves had fallen off of the trees, and those that hadn’t had turned brown and orange. Out of the corner of her eye, Hyuna saw the driver cross himself as he turned onto a road that led into the forest.

The clearing they drove into looked very much like it had when Hyuna had seen it in her vision; the same cluster of buildings that were seemingly abandoned save for one of the homes, which had its lights on. Outside, stood the witch she’d met, watching them as the driver put the car in park. It was like he’d known they were coming and had been waiting. No sooner than the four of them had clambered out of the car, the driver was hurriedly backing away. 

“You should have compelled him to wait for us,” Hyuna said with a sigh, but they all knew that having a ride was the least pressing matter. The four of them turned to face the man who stood on the porch and he finally made his way towards them, holding out a hand.

“I’ve been expecting you. I’m Hongjoong,” he said in an airy voice. He smiled but it didn’t meet his eyes and it didn’t offer much comfort. 

“Of course… Seonghwa’s friend…” 

“Where’s Shinwon?” Hui interjected. Hyuna could tell from the way that Hyunggu and Yanan visibly relaxed that they were both itching to get to the point as well. 

“Asleep. If you’ll follow me, I’d be happy to lead you to him.”

Hui and Hyunggu exchanged an uneasy glance while Yanan nodded, already walking up to the door.

Hyuna followed after him with Hui and Hyunggu, and Hongjoong waited until they were all inside before shutting the door behind them. In the living room sat the same vampire she’d seen from before. He gave a start when they walked in, and she could immediately see the tension radiating off of him; it wasn’t necessarily that he was afraid of them specifically but he seemed on edge in the way he held his shoulders and fidgeted his fingers. 

“Who are you?” Hyunggu asked. The vampire looked around as if there were someone else in the room that Hyunggu was talking to, but when it became evident that it was him, he sighed.

“Sorry, I’m MJ.” 

“You don’t have to apologize,” Hyunggu tried to smile encouragingly, but MJ shook his head and everything seemed to click in Hyuna’s brain. Hongjoong cleared his throat behind them. 

“If you’ll follow me, Shinwon’s in here,” he said. The group of them exchanged glances before moving to follow him down the hall and into a bedroom. MJ didn’t follow them. The room looked very much the same as what Hyuna had seen in her vision. The walls were bare and there was almost no furniture. Tucked into the white sheets of the bed lay Shinwon, his chest rising and falling steadily. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I just updated a few days ago but I was impatient and also I felt bad for leaving y’all hanging so I’m back 🥵✌️


	17. Chapter 17

Yanan stared at Shinwon’s figure with wide eyes. He didn’t have to feel his heartbeat to know that he was alive. He could see the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, and he looked peaceful. He didn’t look like he’d just returned from Purgatory at all. His skin was smooth and unscarred and there was even a healthy color to his cheeks. His feet moved before he could process it and he knelt down at the side of the bed, taking his hand in his. 

“It’s okay, Shinwon. We’re here now,” he whispered. Hongjoong stood in the doorway with an unreadable expression, and Hyuna wore one as well. Hui and Hyunggu joined Yanan at Shinwon’s side, kneeling down and staring with wide eyes. 

“Yanan,” Hyunggu said, placing a hand on his shoulder. Yanan turned and faced him, and when he saw the concern in Hyunggu’s eyes he was filled with confusion. Why did he look concerned? Shinwon was there and in front of them and breathing and healthy. He uneasily shifted back to give Hyunggu space, and the other moved closer to Shinwon, peering at him. Yanan didn’t know what he was looking for, but it was clear that he was searching for  _ something.  _ His hands gently moved, pulling back the sheet and scanning Shinwon’s skin. He lifted up an arm, tracing it slowly with a finger and then he gasped, barely audible. Yanan wouldn’t have even noticed if it weren’t for the fact that he was right next to him. Hyunggu turned to say something, but the words were caught in his throat because at the same moment that he turned, Shinwon moved. It was so quick that Yanan’s eyes didn’t follow it but suddenly he was gripping Hyunggu’s wrist tightly.

“Shinwon, it’s okay. It’s me,” Hyunggu said. His voice was soft and it threatened to break. “It’s me. I’m here.”

“What happened to him?” Yanan asked, turning to face Hongjoong.

The man in the doorway sighed, shaking his head. “We made it out of Purgatory, but just barely. The magic was too powerful. His body wasn’t strong enough…” he trailed off.

“What are you saying?”

“He died.” It wasn’t Hongjoong who spoke this time, but Hyuna. 

“That’s-“

“He died, but he’s back, right? When I saw him in my vision, he had a lot more scars than he does now. I must say, he’s healed remarkably fast. So who was it? Was it your friend in the living room who turned him?”

Hongjoong nodded with a frown. Yanan was torn between wanting to hold Shinwon and wanting to fling himself out of the room and at MJ. “I made him do it. He was going to die no matter what. I made MJ bite him at the last second. I promised I’d get him back, and here he is, yeah?”

“You didn’t give him a choice,” Hui said, frowning. 

“What was I supposed to do?” Hongjoong’s calm was slipping away, his brows knitting together. “He was shaking on the ground and dying in front of me. Was I supposed to sit back and let it happen? If I could have, I would have healed him, but you have no idea what it was like there. You have no idea how much it took out of all of us.” 

“W-“ Shinwon’s lips moved as he struggled to say something, but his voice came out in a breathy and unintelligible whisper. Everybody turned to face him immediately as his eyelids fluttered and he slowly opened his eyes, looking around the room in a state of disorientation. “Why is everybody yelling?” He tried again.

Yanan sucked in a breath as Shinwon’s eyes rested on his own. It was still Shinwon, but at the same time, he could see the change. It wouldn’t have been noticeable if it weren’t for the light shining through the window, but his eyes had grown darker and the brown had more reddish undertones than it had before. Everybody was quiet as they stared at him, holding their breath as they waited for him to wake up and emerge from his still half asleep daze. As he took in all the people around him, his expression shifted between confusion to realization to something else. Something that bordered on sad.

“How long has it been?”

“Since you got back or since you disappeared?” Hyuna asked.

“Both?”

“Well,” Hongjoong cut in, “we got back here about two days ago. You’ve been asleep for most of that time.”

“It’s been about a month and a half… maybe closer to two months?” Hyunggu said, his voice quiet as he spoke.

“Damn,” Shinwon sighed, flopping back on the bed as he let his eyes rest on the ceiling. “I kinda figured time was way different there from MJ but… still.”

“How long was it for you?”

“Hard to say. After a month, I kinda stopped keeping track. Longer though. For all I know it could have been four months or six months. It’s hard to follow there,” he sighed, but then his eyes rested on Hongjoong, a frown on his face. “What happened?”

“What do you remember?” Hongjoong shot back, crossing his arms. Shinwon shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing. 

“I don’t know… I… I remember the clearing and the demons, but everything after I started the spell is blurry. He’s gone, isn’t he?”

There was a knowing in his tone, and it sounded far from relieved. Yanan could only guess who Shinwon was referring to and he couldn’t help but wonder what the hell had happened to make him sound so defeated over it.

“He is. It didn’t hurt though. I’m sure of it,” Hongjoong said, sighing shakily. “As for everything else… you were already overexerting yourself and Purgatory was draining you at the same time. When you cast the spell, it was too much for your body to handle. We got back, but we didn’t have any time. You were dying, Shinwon.”

“But now I’m back. Was it MJ?”

Hongjoong nodded slowly, but when Yanan cast his eyes back on Shinwon, he didn’t see any anger or fear. Only a bleak acceptance. “I guess I’ll have to thank him. I never thought I’d see your faces again,” Shinwon said. He laughed weakly, looking around at everyone. “I missed you guys a lot. I don’t suppose anyone has Advil on them?”

“Shinwon,” Hyunggu laughed, “I’m afraid Advil won’t do anything for you.”

“Damn.”

“Here,” Hongjoong said, shuffling over to him before placing a vial in his hand. Shinwon stared down at it with a frown before shaking his head with a sigh and unscrewing the cap off of it. He lifted it to his lips, downing it like a shot as if he expected it to be bitter, but then his expression shifted to one of confusion. 

“Weird.” He simply said, licking his lips, and then moving his tongue across his teeth. The taste of blood had made his fangs slide out from where they’d been hidden and his eyes were almost black. He blinked a few times and they slowly returned to their original color and then he winced as he retracted his fangs. “This is gonna be a pain in the ass to get used to, huh?”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Hyunggu laughed softly. 

“Can we go home now?”

“Of course we can,” Hui said, resting a hand on Shinwon’s shoulder. “Of course we can.”

* * *

The group of them had to stay at the sanctuary for a few days. The location was remote and they had to wait for a flight home. It was only a few days but it was a weird limbo. Shinwon was back but it didn’t feel real. He was quiet, and although he assured all of them that he was fine, it was clear that being in Purgatory had done more than enough damage. While they waited around, Hongjoong managed to contact Seonghwa and talk to him. Although he’d kept his expression passive, it was clear that it’d been a long time since he’d been home. Definitely longer than Shinwon, although out of the group of them, Hongjoong seemed the most well adjusted.

MJ mostly kept to himself; Yanan didn’t have to talk to him to know what was going through his head. He was blaming himself for everything that had happened and beating himself up over having to turn Shinwon, but mostly he just felt like an outsider. Everybody had come for Shinwon, after all, not him. The worst part was, although Yanan knew that the guy was just doing what he’d had to do in order to get Shinwon home, he couldn’t help but hold a grudge against him. He knew that he had no right to be upset, but he was and he couldn’t help it. Instead, he decided to talk to MJ, asking him random questions about his friends and about Purgatory. The way Yanan saw it, the better he knew MJ as a person, the less of a grudge he’d have.

“How did you meet Shinwon?” Yanan asked, sitting down on the couch next to MJ. The other jumped. He always seemed on edge, and Yanan couldn’t help but wonder what all he had been through to make him so terrified of everything. When he regained his composure, he began laughing.

“What?”

“I tried to kill him,” MJ said after a moment, shaking his head. “I was all by myself and there’s not exactly an abundance of people to feed on in Purgatory. There’s animals, but you can only drink so much from them before you make yourself sick, you know? Shinwon was the first human I’d seen in forever, so of course I’d jump at any opportunity…”

“Well? What happened?”

“Changgu happened. The asshole put himself between me and Shinwon and started fighting me himself, but the idiot had been feeding on deer for all that time so he was weak as shit. I would have killed him then and there, but then Shinwon walked up to me and told him to stop and practically offered himself to me.”

“Really? He’d never give in that easily…”

“Oh, he didn’t. Right before I could bite him, he burst into flames. He grabbed me by the throat and burnt me pretty bad and he and Changgu said some bold words about how they were gonna find a way out. Then they left me. At first, I was too shocked and in pain to do anything but lay there, but then I decided to follow them. Why not tag along if they were gonna get out of that shithole somehow. It sounded crazy, but I hadn’t had any hope in years. I ended up following them to a house and waited outside until they were rested and hopefully in a better mood. Changgu was pissed off, but Shinwon was willing to hear me out. After that, it was more or less the three of us versus Purgatory. It worked well.”

Yanan scoffed at that.

“What?”

“Just… I don’t know how much either of them told you, but the idea of Changgu working with anybody is just far fetched.”

“Shinwon told me a watered down version of everything, and when I first met him, I would have agreed with that, but being in Purgatory? It changed a lot for all of us. They were stuck there for months, but me? It’s been almost a decade. We think we know who we are, but it’s hard to know for sure until you have to fight for your life on a daily basis. Danger like that? It really shows a lot about a person,” MJ said, frowning. 

“I believe you. I don’t want to, but you have no reason to lie to me,” Yanan said, shaking his head. “So, do you have anyone you’re trying to get back to?”

MJ nodded quickly. “It’s not exactly a family, but they’re the closest thing I’ve had. There’s another vampire, a couple of witches, and a couple of shifters. I’m sure both Dongmin and Minhyuk have been blaming themselves. They were with me when I got stuck there,” he sighed. 

“Wait… MJ? As in Myungjun?” Yanan blinked at the other as realization settled. He’d talked to his friends and although he hadn’t heard from them in a while, he had Jinwoo’s number saved in his phone. 

“How did you know?”

“We talked to your friends. We were trying to find answers and a mutual friend told us about what happened to you. We sought them out.”

“That’s how they knew then…”

“Knew what?”

“I had no way of communicating with them, but I managed to stay in Purgatory’s version of our home for most of the time I was stuck there. No communication, until days after I found Shinwon and Changgu. Then one of them left a message on my mirror, asking if I was still there. All I said was yes, and I never got the chance to go back to see if they’d said anything back. God, I miss them.” 

“We’ll get you back to them, alright?” Yanan smiled weakly as he set a hand on MJ’s shoulder in a way that he hoped came across as encouraging. 

“Thank you. I’m sorry I had to turn Shinwon,” MJ said, shaking his head. “I don’t know you well, and I don’t know your story with Shinwon, but I know he means a lot to you. It’s okay if you resent me for it…”

“It doesn’t matter if he does, because I don’t,” a new voice broke into the conversation, and both MJ and Yanan whipped their heads towards it as Shinwon strolled into the room. He’d been quiet since waking up, and he was still weak; his body was still mending itself and he needed a lot of blood to fully heal. He’d mostly been resting, keeping to his bed, curled into Hui or Hyunggu. Yanan had wanted to be close to him but the others had warned against it. He was still new and Yanan’s blood was particularly delicious. It was too dangerous. But now he was on his feet, looking between Yanan and MJ with a shy smile, and the red in his eyes was barely noticeable. He could have been human, easily, but even if he looked normal, Yanan felt on edge. It was something that he’d grown accustomed to, like his body’s own built in defense that made him wary of vampires because they were predators. He’d been around the others for so long that he was used to them, but being around Shinwon when he was newly turned sent shivers down Yanan’s spine.  _ It’s just Shinwon. He’s not going to hurt you.  _

“Shinwon…”

“MJ, I swear to God, if you say I’m sorry one more time,” Shinwon shook his head, laughing. It was weak but his smile was genuine. “You only did what you thought was right. Even if I wouldn’t have necessarily chosen this for myself, I’m glad you did what you did. I’m glad you gave me the chance to see Yanan and Hyunggu and Hui again…” he trailed off, his eyes settling on Yanan.

Next to him, MJ seemed to visibly relax, sighing in relief, but then his eyes darted between the pair and he stood up. “I’ll give you guys a moment,” he said before stepping out of the room. Shinwon’s eyes followed him, watching as he closed the door, but then he was looking at Yanan. As soon as it was just the two of them, Yanan closed the distance, his legs carrying him before he could realize he was moving. He grabbed Shinwon in a tight embrace, not caring if it might have been dangerous because it didn’t matter. What mattered was that Shinwon was back and he was breathing and he was finally on his feet again and in his arms.

For a moment, Shinwon just stood there, but then he gently wrapped his arms around Yanan’s waist as he hugged him back, resting his forehead against his shoulder. “You have no idea how much I missed you,” his voice came out in barely a whisper.

“I’m just glad you're back now. We tried everything in our power… I was worried that you’d be trapped there forever or that-“ Yanan’s sentence dropped away.  _ Or that Changgu would do something.  _ His unfinished sentence hung in the air and Shinwon pulled back for long enough to stare at him with an unreadable expression as if he were searching his eyes for the end of the sentence. From the way that he frowned and sighed, shaking his head, he’d probably guessed it. 

“I’m back, and that’s what matters, yeah? I just… I need time. Not just to adjust to this,” he paused to gesture at himself, “but also to… there’s just some things I need to work though,” he settled. As much as Yanan wanted to know what had happened in Purgatory, Shinwon had been very quiet about it. Hongjoong and MJ had both been vague as well. Although MJ had no problem describing how they’d met, he didn’t go into detail on anything else. Hongjoong claimed that he hadn’t been with them for very long, so he didn’t know much about anything, and although Yanan could tell he wasn’t being completely honest, he could also tell that prying couldn’t get him anywhere. 

“I’ll wait for you, okay? As long as it takes.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” Yanan said, leaning in to press a kiss against Shinwon’s cheek. He caught the bitter taste of a tear on his lips and he pulled back to smile at the other sadly. “You take as long as you need. I might not know anything about Purgatory, but I’ll be here when you’re ready.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... i will make no comment

It was a strange sensation, not quite knowing who you were or where you came from, but being painfully aware of your creation. He had been someone once, but he wasn’t entirely sure who that person had been because the first thing he could remember was the feeling of vines writhing around him, pulling and pushing against his limbs. At the time, he had the feeling that he was being put together after being torn apart, although he wasn’t entirely sure why. All he knew was that when the vines stopped moving around him, he sat up, looking around in confusion as he took in his surroundings. 

He was in a forest somewhere - maybe in the mountains because other than the vines he was brushing off of himself, there wasn’t much in terms of vegetation. The air was cool and he shivered as the wind blew in his face, his skin prickling up at the sensation. He didn’t care that it was cold because he decided he liked the sensation. He liked the coolness of the air as he greedily gulped it in, relishing the way it filled his lungs. He pushed himself to his feet, looking around. He wasn’t sure where he was or why he was there, but surely there was a reason for it, right? 

He began to walk.

-

He was aware of the passing of time, but it didn’t bother him. The strain of his muscles after walking through the forest for so long felt natural, and even if it wasn’t a pleasant feeling, he liked it. He didn’t know what had happened to him to make him find comfort in such a mundane and inconvenient thing, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know either. Ignorance was bliss, and at the moment, he had the distinct feeling that this was possibly the most at peace he’d felt in his entire existence. 

Eventually, he found a street. He walked down it until it brought him to a town. It was quiet and sleepy, and he had the feeling that it was early in the morning, but he was wide awake. He got a few strange looks from the few people that were outside, but he wasn’t sure why. He hadn’t seen his reflection so he had no idea what state he was in. His clothes seemed clean enough, despite the fact that he’d woke up covered in plants. He’d have blamed it on his lack of layers, but there was something in their eyes.  _ You shouldn’t be here,  _ they seemed to say. He didn’t even know where here was, let alone who he was. 

He sat on a bench, staring at his hands in confusion, but then he saw someone starting to walk past him before freezing in front of him. He stared at their boots before slowly looking up, meeting eyes with a taller man. His eyes were dark and his hair had a slight wave to it. He had the distinct feeling that he  _ knew  _ him but at the same time he’d never seen him in his life. Maybe it was someone from Before, and he couldn’t help but wonder how he knew him because he stared down at him in fury. He didn’t even try to mask his anger.

“Where is he?”

“I’m sorry,” he spoke for the first time, words feeling unnatural on his tongue. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The stranger’s anger morphed into something else - maybe it was shock, maybe it was confusion, but just as quickly his expression hardened again as he grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, hoisting him up with unnatural strength. He felt on edge and his body seemed to warn him of danger, but as he stared at the stranger, he didn’t feel fear. Only a bleak acceptance that whoever he had been wasn’t good. 

“Where did you come from?”

“I don’t know,” he repeated. He didn’t. He didn’t even know where he was to begin with, let alone where he’d sprung up from the earth. “I’m sorry,” he said. Something in his voice was enough to make the stranger’s grip falter, his brows furrowing at him as he stared at him.

“I’m going to warn you just this once. Leave. I don’t care where the hell you go, but do not show your face here again.”

“I don’t know where to go,” he said weakly. “I don’t know where I am or who I am or where I came from. Whatever I did, I’m sorry, but I honestly don’t remember anything.”

“Which is exactly why I’m letting you off easy.”

He wasn’t sure what was easy about it, so instead he nodded, and watched the stranger sigh as he finally let go of the collar of his shirt. 

“Go.”

He stared at the stranger, unmoving. It was easier said than done. He didn’t know where to go. His feet had carried him there, but now he wasn’t sure where he was or where else he could be. He vaguely wondered if anyone was looking for him or worried about him, but judging from the cold looks of passers-by and the threatening gaze of the stranger, he doubted anybody was concerned for him. It was the unknown  _ him  _ they were worried about. He wondered about the unknown  _ him _ . Who was he, how did they know each other, and what had he done to him?

“Why are you still standing here?”

“I…”

“Get out of my sight before I change my mind and break your neck,” he warned, and before he could say anything else in response, the stranger was gripping him by the arm and pushing him down the street before letting go and strolling away briskly. He stopped walking, turning to watch the stranger duck into a shop and then he set his eyes in front of him. The sun was higher in the sky now, high enough that it warmed his skin, and he found himself closing his eyes and basking in the feeling. It felt foreign, and he wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t know where he came from or if it was a feeling that he’d truly missed. 

When he opened his eyes, it was with the decision to leave the place. Whatever had brought him there clearly didn’t realize that he wasn’t wanted there so he’d find somewhere else to go and somehow make a new life for himself. At least, that was what his plan was, but when he opened his eyes the sidewalk in front of him was no longer empty and he was met by a pair of grey eyes staring at him curiously.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” the person said. He jumped back, his heart hammering in his chest. He hadn’t heard them approach and even though they were standing right in front of him, there was something off about their presence.

”I…”

“I don’t mean this town - well, I suppose I could mean that too. I dunno you, but Yuto didn’t seem fond of you and he has good judgement. I mean  _ here _ .”

“I’m already very confused and that’s not really helping…”

“Well… I’m always confused and you don’t see me complaining. Weird though…” they frowned before reaching for him. He flinched back, but the stranger’s hand shimmered in the air before it passed through him. It was like the air had been knocked out of his lungs, but then just as quickly, they were pulling their arm back. “How are you alive?”

“What are you?”

“Dead,” they said simply, shrugging as if it were the most normal thing to admit. “I need to go to work though. Try not to piss more people off, weird guy.”

“Hey- I have a name-“

“Oh? Do you remember your name?”

“I…. no…” he frowned, staring down at his hands again. “I don’t remember anything.”

“I didn’t remember my name when I ended up here either. You’re still alive though so somebody has to know it. Why don’t you just ask Yuto?”

“Something tells me that won’t go over well. He told me to leave town,” he sighed, shaking his head.

“Where will you go, then?”

“Dunno.”

The person in front of him just shrugged, rolling their eyes before turning to make their way down the street. He watched as they turned into a coffee shop, his ears picking up the faint ring of the bell as the door swung open. Then he looked around, his eyes sweeping the street in confusion. He should leave. He had a feeling that Yuto had meant it when he’d threatened to break his neck, but if he left then there was no way of knowing if he’d ever find answers. He suspected he wouldn’t like the truth, but he needed to know who he was. Not now, but before he’d clawed his way out of the vines. There was a knowing in the gazes of most people and it settled over him heavily like a chain. He suspected that the chain would only grow heavier with the knowledge of who he was. 

He sighed, shaking his head before making his way towards a diner. It looked out of place in the town as if it wasn’t supposed to be there at all, but something about it drew him in. It was a pull he couldn’t describe, but he was tired and thirsty and although he had no money, maybe the people there would be nice enough to give him some water. That is, if they didn’t already know and hate him. As he walked into the door, a bell rang. The dining room was empty and music was playing softly from the kitchen as the door swung open.

“We’re not open y-“ the sentence dropped away, and although he could only see the top half of the man’s body from behind the counter, he could hear the clattering of metal as he dropped something. “What are you doing here?”

“You’re the third person to ask me something like that, and I  _ really  _ don’t know,” he sighed, throwing his hands up in the air. “Can I please just have some water?”

The man in the doorway narrowed his eyes before walking closer to him. He grabbed his chin, peering into his eyes and seeming to sniff the air- or maybe he was smelling him. “What the hell happened to you?”

“I wish I knew,” he said, frowning.

“I’ll get you water, but you’re gonna talk.” 

Before he could get a chance to reply, the man was disappearing back into the kitchen. When he returned, he gestured for him to follow, setting the glass on a table and waiting for him to join him. He did, sliding into the booth across from him before reaching for the glass and greedily gulping it down. 

“Woah, slow down. You might make yourself sick,” the man warned, laughing uncomfortably, so he set the glass down. 

“I don’t know what happened.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means exactly what I said. I’m sure I’m supposed to know you, but I couldn’t tell you your name or who you are or anything. I don’t even know my own name. All I know is that I woke up in the woods covered in vines, and when I began walking, I ended up here. The only thing I remember before waking up is pain.”

“What do you mean by that.”

“I don’t know? I felt like I was being sewn together from scratch and it hurt like hell, but when I woke up I was completely fine. Well… I have absolutely no idea who I am or where I am, but I wasn’t hanging together by a thread so I guess that’s a start.”

“Well,” the man shook his head with a laugh. “I know you’re not bullshitting me because you’ve never been this chatty before. You usually acted broody and above everybody else.”

“Who was I?”

The man shook his head. “You really don’t remember anything else?”

“Before I came here, I ran into a guy - Yuto. He was mad at me. He asked me what happened to ‘him’ but I had no idea what he was talking about. I’m not an idiot, and I’ve seen enough to know that I wasn’t a good person, but who was I? What did I do?”

“Changgu.”

“What?”

“That’s your name. Yeo Changgu. I don’t know what the hell happened, because last time I checked, you were a vampire. There’s no way to reverse vampirism, but here you are and you’re very human.”

“How do you know?”

“Well? Aside from the way I had to stop you from guzzling that water, I can smell it. I’m a werewolf,” he said, shrugging.

“Changgu…” he tried the name on his lips. It felt familiar and it felt right, but he could also feel the weight of it. “What did I do?”

“Well… there’s a whole slew of things. If you want a full list, it might take a while…” 

“Who was Yuto talking about, then?”

“My best friend. Shinwon. You kidnapped him, made him bonded to you, and then when he tried to send you away to Purgatory, you pulled him in too. I might be being lenient with you right now, but that’s only because I know he’s alive. The others left to get him yesterday. If you’d made it back and he hadn’t, you would be dead by now,” he said, grinning at him. 

“I don’t know if I did make it back… I saw someone else… they said they were dead and they said that I shouldn’t be here…”

“Well… I’m no expert on magic or the undead but you, Changgu, seem very alive to me. You should probably lay low though. I highly doubt anybody else will be as forgiving as I have been.”

“Where will I go?”

The other man frowned, looking deep in thought for a moment before he sighed. “I’m so gonna regret this, but I have a place a little bit outside of town. You can stay there for now,” he said.

“Really? Even after everything I did?”

The man pinched the bridge of his nose. “You don’t even  _ know  _ what you did. You have no memories or anything, so at least for now you’re a regular person. I don’t think I could tell you to get lost without feeling guilty over it… Just lay low, alright?”

Changgu nodded quickly, eyes following the man as he stood up, walking back into the kitchen. “Sanha, I need you to keep an eye on things for a bit. I’m running home real quick, but I should be back before we open,” he shouted. From the kitchen, Changgu could hear someone yell ‘aye aye’ back, and then the man was walking back towards him, pulling keys out of his pocket.

“Come on, kid.”

“Thank you,” Changgu said softly. 

“Don’t mention it. Seriously. Anybody finds out about this and they’ll have my head,” he said, laughing. Changgu followed him outside the diner and to the back, where they climbed into a truck. Pop music played on the radio as he put his keys in the ignition, but he didn’t bother to turn it down. 

“What’s your name?”

“Hongseok.”

“Did I know you well?”

“Not really. We knew  _ of  _ each other, but that’s more because you’ve caused problems for a whole lot of people in my life. Shinwon is only the tip of the iceberg,” he said, shaking his head as he maneuvered the truck out of the lot and onto the street. Changgu didn’t know what to say to that so instead he was silent, turning to stare out the window and watch as the small town melted away into forest, trees rising up around him in a way that made him feel small. Smaller than he already felt.

He was nobody and everybody at the same time. He’d done who knows what type of unspeakable things, and he couldn’t even beg for forgiveness for any of them because he remembered none of it. All he knew was the weight of guilt that had settled over him, following him no matter where he went. There had to be a reason he’d woken up in the woods, but he didn’t think he deserved to have. He deserved to stay wherever he’d been before he’d been slowly knit back together. 

Hongseok slowly pulled up a long driveway that led to a house - although ‘house’ was being generous. It was more of a shack or a hovel. Although it looked like it was in good repair, it was tiny, but Changgu supposed that was more than enough if Hongseok lived by himself. He climbed out of the truck, gesturing for him to follow, and then he walked in the front door, having not bothered to lock it. Changgu raised his eyebrow, wondering why the other would have been so careless, but then he saw the man standing in the kitchen.

“Jinho, I can explain,” Hongseok said, as he walked in, holding a hand up.

“That’s a promising way to start a sentence,” Jinho said, but then his eyes rested on Changgu and he set his mug down. “What the hell-“

“Smell him.”

“You can’t be se-“

“I am,” Hongseok simply insisted. 

Jinho sighed, shaking his head as he set the mug he’d been holding down before walking up to Changgu. He peered into his eyes, a curious expression on his face, but when he inhaled it morphed to a mixture of shock and confusion. “Impossible…”

“Clearly it’s not, but that’s not all. He doesn’t remember anything.”

“Really? How do you know he’s not just lying to manipulate-“

“I can tell,” Hongseok said, shaking his head with a sigh. “I’ve seen what he looks like when he’s lying or trying to manipulate people.”

Jinho stepped back from Changgu to peer at Hongseok with narrowed eyes but then he sighed, crossing his arms. “So what? I believe you and I trust your intuition, Honggie, but what are  _ we  _ supposed to do with him? He shouldn’t even be here.”

“I don’t know, but he just woke up with no memory so we can’t just throw him out in the world and expect him to be fine. At least let him lay low here for a while?”

“You’re unbelievable,” Jinho said, shaking his head. “If this goes wrong, it’s on  _ you _ ,” he jabbed a finger at Hongseok’s chest, and the taller man actually flinched. Then, he was turning to face Changgu again, his eyes filled with anger. “As for you, if you try anything or do anything to put the people I care about in any more danger than you already have, I’ll rip you apart myself.”

All Changgu could do was nod, his eyes wide. He had the feeling that Jinho was being completely serious and he had no intention of getting on his bad side. 

-

For a few days, Changgu lived a dull and monotonous existence. He saw Jinho far more than he saw Hongseok, despite the elder not even living there, but Hongseok couldn’t get away with missing work as easily. Changgu suspected that they’d secretly agreed to keep him under guard at all times like a prisoner, but he couldn’t find it in him to care too much. He was sure their concerns were more than warranted, and although he still had no memory of his life or who he was, he tried to piece together what he could. Neither Jinho or Hongseok liked to talk to him much and it was clear neither of them were sure what to make of him. 

Changgu was human, but he wasn’t supposed to be. Apparently he’d been a vampire and was centuries old, and there was no cure to vampirism. There was no way that he should even exist, but neither of them wanted to look for answers. Looking for answers would mean telling everybody that they were hiding Changgu and looking after him, which meant that if he wanted to find out the truth he was going to have to take matters into his own hands. Although between Jinho and Hongseok, he was usually being watched, there were moments when he was left alone. They didn’t have many rules outside of ‘don’t cause problems’ so there was a lot of grey area. 

“Neither of us are gonna be here tonight. I’m leaving a key on the kitchen counter, but for the love of God, please don’t do anything stupid,” Hongseok said as he shrugged on a coat. Changgu nodded quietly, watching as the other man left the house, listening to the sound of the truck starting and then backing out of the driveway. Then he wandered over to the window, peering outside. It was a clear night and he could see the moon and stars easily and they cast the surrounding forest into a comforting glow. Even though it was October, it was warm enough that he wouldn’t need a coat if he went outside. They’d never forbidden him from going outside, and although he was sure they wouldn’t like it, he had already made his decision. 

Before he’d leave the house, though, he stepped into the bathroom, rooting through Hongseok’s cupboards before finding a small black bag. He wasn’t sure the last time he’d cut his hair himself, but the mess of overgrown blonde hair and dark roots made him pretty hard to miss, so that’d need to change if he was going to go trapezing around a town where apparently everybody knew and hated him. He pulled out the clippers and the longest guard, and then he set to work. 

Although he was aware of how long his hair was, seeing it as he cut it off was jarring. By the time he was finished, he looked like a different person. He’d barely been aware of the weight of it on his head before, but now that it was gone, he felt much lighter. He cleaned off the clippers and the mess he’d made before digging through Hongseok’s drawers for something that’d fit him. He ended up clad in a pair of dark jeans with a white tee shirt and a purple hoodie over it. He flipped the hood up, staring at his reflection in the mirror. With his hair cut shorter, he wasn’t sure if he looked less intimidating or not, but at least he was cleaner cut and hopefully not recognizable from a distance. 

He grabbed the key off the counter before stepping outside and locking the door. The fresh air felt nice on his skin and he took a deep breath before he began to walk. He wasn’t sure what his plan was, but he remembered the way back to town well enough so he supposed he’d start with that. As he walked down the road, trees looming up around him, he supposed any other person might have felt on edge. His body was tense, sure, but his mind was at ease. He needed to find answers and waiting around wasn’t going to do that. He wasn’t sure how long he walked before he heard the snapping of a branch behind him. 

He wouldn’t have thought anything of it if it weren’t for the fact that he heard more branches snapping around him. He whirled around, coming face to face with a wolf. It peered at him with dark eyes, a low growl caught in his throat, but then something drew its attention away and Changgu followed its gaze. There were a lot more than just one wolf.

_ What is he doing here? _

_ Don’t worry about it, Wooseok. We’re handling it. _

A slightly smaller wolf stepped onto the street, looking between the large wolf and Changgu with a glint in its eyes. It must have been Hongseok. Changgu wasn’t sure how he knew, but maybe he had his missing memories to thank for that. He watched as more wolves stepped into the street, seeming to surround him as they stared at him with a mixture of anger and curiosity. Maybe going outside wasn’t his best idea. 

_ Don’t worry? Are you guys close with him? _

_ No.  _

_ Then why are you protecting him? _

The larger wolf stepped closer to Hongseok and Changgu held his breath as he watched them wondering if he was about to witness an all out fight. 

_ Quiet. _

Their heads whipped in the direction of a lean wolf that was moving closer to them before making its way to stand in front of Changgu. It’s fur was a sandy brown and despite it being smaller than most of the other wolves, there was a power in the way it stood that said it must have been their leader. 

_ Changgu, go back home. You shouldn’t have left in the first place. _

He stared at the wolves, dumbfounded, but then the wolf in front of him turned to look at him, baring its teeth at him.  _ Don’t make me tell you twice. _

He nodded dumbly before taking a step back and then turning back the way he’d come. Just like that, any thought of discovering who he’d been was ripped away. His body was on edge and he half expected them to chase him, but for a while he was meant only with quiet. He wasn’t sure when he picked up the quiet pitter-patter of someone trailing him, but he turned and saw Hongseok quietly moving behind him. The other wasn’t trying to hide and he stared at Changgu with what he assumed was a glare. 

_ Why did you leave? _

“I need to know…” Changgu sighed, stopping in his tracks as he turned to face Hongseok. “I need to know who I was and what I did.”

_ Why do you want to know so bad? I think yours might be a case of ignorance is bliss… _

“Bliss,” Changgu laughed, shaking his head. “Maybe it was when I first woke up in the woods with nobody to see me, but now? Everyone stares at me like I’m a demon. I probably am. The fact that I don’t even know what I did to warrant it and the fact that I have no way to ask for forgiveness-“

_ You don’t deserve forgiveness. You don’t even deserve to be here in the first place. I don’t know what the hell happened in Purgatory, but the others got back today. They all think you’re dead, and for their sakes, it should stay that way. You being here can only cause more pain and I’ve grown tired of watching my friends suffer. _

“Then why are you letting me stay with you?”

Hongseok was silent, staring at him before ducking his head and walking past him.  _ Come on. You need to get back home. Jinho will have my head if I let you wander off again.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways..... pls lemme know what u think in the comments or yell at me on twt (@mcshinwon) <3


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there’s some scenes with memories and there’s random ocs in the memories whose names i pulled out of my ass kfgjhdkfgjhd anyways,.,,

Shinwon remembered everything clearly. He’d lied to the others, saying things were blurry after he’d started the spell, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. He didn’t want them to worry about him. He was tired of everybody constantly fretting over him and who knew what they’d do if they realized just how clearly every moment of it was ingrained into his brain. He remembered ripping out Changgu’s heart and the way the other’s eyes had glazed over as he dropped to the ground lifeless. He remembered the momentarily hanging feeling of nothingness as they jumped from one dimension to another. He remembered the stuttering feeling of his heart giving out in his chest and the feeling of MJ’s venom coursing through his veins just before he could take his last breath. 

Even when he was asleep, his body taking the time to heal, he was aware of things around him. It was a weird out of body feeling. He could hear Hongjoong and MJ speaking in soft voices, and when Hongjoong lifted a vial to his lips for the first time, he’d greedily drank it and realized that it was far from being enough, but at the time he’d been too weak to move or say so. The time between them appearing back home and everyone coming to find him had passed in a blurry stretch of him being too aware and not aware enough at the same time. His body was in agony and he knew that the only way it would stop was with blood, but Hongjoong was only one person and he was extremely careful at that. In the time before the others arrived, he gave Shinwon tiny bits of blood at a time, and he knew better than to let Shinwon sink his fangs into his skin directly. After all, fledgling vampires were the hardest to control. If he let Shinwon feed from him directly, he wouldn’t be able to bring himself to stop, so even if the process was slow and painful, he was thankful for it. 

He wasn’t sure when the pain began to fade enough that he could think clearly, but when the others finally arrived, he was wide awake and alert. He hadn’t hesitated to reach for Hyunggu’s wrist, gripping it as if it were the only thing that would pull him out of the darkness. Maybe he’d spooked them all a bit, but it was _Hyunggu_. After months and months, he was finally surrounded by the people he loved and it didn’t feel real. It wasn’t the reunion that any of them had envisioned; he was practically bedridden and he could barely make himself say anything. His mind was a mess as he tried to cope with the fact that he’d died and was now a vampire, cope with the overall trauma of being in Purgatory and suddenly being home and not having to worry any longer, and the suffocating grief of losing Changgu. The only ones who knew about any of it were MJ and Hongjoong. He couldn’t even begin to explain the mess in his head to the others as they stared at him and cared for him. He wanted nothing more than to get home but apparently they were in the middle of nowhere and needed to wait for a plane, of all things.

The days passed slowly as he tried to regain his footing. MJ kept his distance and Shinwon knew that he felt guilty over everything. It didn’t matter how much Shinwon tried to reassure him, because he knew that the other would carry that with him. Hyuna spent most of her time talking to Hongjoong in a hushed voice, and although Shinwon was able to hear their conversation, he had the creeping suspicion that Hongjoong was using a spell to block anyone else from hearing the conversations. Although him and MJ were both quiet whenever any of the others asked about Purgatory, Hongjoong readily answered every question Hyuna had. Shinwon suspected she knew more than she’d let on, although he couldn’t bring himself to care one way or the other.

He’d known things wouldn’t go back to normal right away, but this limbo he was in? It was numbing. Although Hui and Hyunggu stayed at his side, explaining different things and teaching him what they could, he was barely aware of it. He didn’t want them to leave by any means, but it felt like there was a void inside his chest and cotton stuffed in his brain. He wanted to cry or scream or feel anything but all there was was emptiness. They told Yanan to keep his distance, but the whole time Shinwon had wanted nothing more than to hold him and never let go. After all, he was the first one he was able to contact when they’d gotten stuck in Purgatory. He knew it was for both of their sakes. Shinwon was a fledgling and if he got too close to Yanan, it might prove dangerous. Every glimpse of the other had him licking his lips. He was too aware of the thudding of his pulse and the way his Adam’s apple bobbed whenever he swallowed. He wanted to sink his fangs into the smooth flesh of his neck and he hated that he wanted it. He wondered how long it took for Hui and Hyunggu to learn how to manage the overwhelming thirst. How long it took for Changgu or Hyuna or MJ. They all seemed so well adjusted but they’d been around for longer than he could begin to fathom. They’d had plenty of time to adjust and he’d only had a few days. 

A few days and then they were climbing onto a dingy airplane, Hui and Hyunggu on either side of him as they gripped his wrists tight enough that it would have bruised if he were still human. Although not many people were on the plane, it was still enough. Shinwon wanted to tune out the beating of their hearts, but it was all he could hear. The only reason the plane made it back home safely was because of Hui and Hyunggu’s grips on him. Needless to say, the flight had been agonizing. 

But the discomfort of the flight had been nothing compared to what followed. For the first few days following him returning from Purgatory, he hadn’t truly slept. Although his body had been at rest, he’d been all too aware of everything happening around him. When he did finally sleep for the first time, back in his own bed with Hyunggu at his side after such a long time, he didn’t dream. He remembered.

Except the memories weren’t his own.

The first time it’d happened, it’d been too confusing and disorienting for him to tell what was happening. 

* * *

_There was the sound of a woman singing a lullaby, and when he opened his eyes, he was standing in a field of tall grass, following behind a woman who held the bundle of a child in her arms. He was holding onto her skirts as he followed, clumsy in his youth and clumsier still because he couldn’t see the dips and hills through all the grass. Her voice was as soothing and familiar as a mother’s and although it was sweet and the melody sounded happy, the words were not._

_“Be careful,” she warned, in the lilting way she always did. He couldn’t be sure if it was part of the song itself or a warning to him._

_The song was about a young thief. He got into a lot of mischief but he did so because it was all he knew and the only way he could survive. In the end, although his intentions were pure, it wasn’t enough to save him and he was overtaken by demons. It was a strange song to call a lullaby, but he’d heard the song countless times._

_Her singing stopped short, though, and he ran into her as she stopped walking. The air ahead was filled with the thick scent of smoke, and he could almost feel it in his lungs. Something was burning. He heard her gasp, and then she turned to him, placing the bundle into his arms, and telling him to run. He didn’t understand._

_Run? Why?_

_She began to push him and finally his body seemed to kick in. It was like he could feel the danger, even if he didn’t know what it was or why, so he ran. He ran as quickly as a child of his age could, and although he wasn’t quick and his movements were clumsy, the grass was tall. It was tall enough that he was quickly hidden from sight._

_He heard his mother scream in agony, but he kept running, tears streaming down his face all the while. He couldn’t protect her, but he could protect the baby in his arms. He’d protect him with his life._

* * *

“What is it?” Hyunggu’s voice had come from his side when he woke up with a start. Sunlight was streaming through his window, casting a warm glow on his skin, but his head was pounding and his heart was in his chest as if he’d been the one running.

“A dream,” Shinwon simply said. Although he wasn’t sure what it had been, his confusion must have been ringing loud enough in his mind that Hyunggu had nodded slowly. 

“You should rest,” he said, but Shinwon shook his head. He didn’t know what the hell he’d just seen, but he wasn’t overly eager to get back to it. No, he was awake now. “Shinwon, you need to rest. Your body still needs the time to heal. Try feeding from me, it might help.” he said, scooting closer.

“Is now really the time for-“

“It’s not like that,” Hyunggu shook his head quickly. “I mean, yeah your venom might have a similar effect on me, but drinking my blood. It’ll calm you.”

“But doesn’t having magical blood mean you’re a witch?”

Hyunggu laughed, shaking his head. “Yes and no. It means I did have access to magic when I was a human, but I didn’t even realize it at the time. When I became a vampire, that magic slipped away for the most part, but I managed to keep the blood as well as my general ability to read people.”

“Still…” Shinwon sighed, gently moving his thumb across Hyunggu’s cheek. “I haven’t fed from anything living yet. What if I can’t stop?”

“You don’t have to worry about that. I’ve been around for plenty of time, you’re nothing I can’t handle,” Hyunggu smiled. It was gentle and sly at the same time. “You need to rest, and if anything, getting a good dose of blood in your system will help speed along the healing. I know how you feel right now…” he trailed off, his smile faltering. “The emptiness, I mean. It’s normal to feel like that. You died, Shinwon. I don’t know what all you went through in Purgatory, but with or without it, you’d feel it. You’re grieving yourself,” he said. 

“It’s weird… I never thought about not being a human. I never thought about what a life like this might mean for me, and even now I can’t really… I don’t know. I suppose some people might be upset about their choice and humanity being taken from them, or maybe they’d be excited about being immortal but me? I’m numb to it all. It’s like none of this is real,” Shinwon sighed, taking Hyunggu’s hand into his own. “Not even just numb. Empty. I haven’t felt much of anything since I’ve woken up, other than when Yanan is around.”

“It takes time,” Hyunggu said, nodding knowingly. “When you’re a fledgling, your body is in survival mode. You can think, sure, and you still have feelings, but they’re muted. Everything else feels like it’s muffled unless it’s feeding. It happened to me too,” he laughed weakly. “I might have tried to hide it, but there was a while when I first turned that I was numb to everything. I didn’t _want_ this life, but the only thing more unbearable than this was the thought of leaving Hui.”

“How long was it like that?”

Hyunggu shrugged. “A few weeks, but I’ve always been quick to adjust. Some people have had it much longer, and a few haven’t even had to deal with it in the first place. It varies a lot from person to person.”

“I wonder…” Shinwon trailed off, but the thought was clear enough in his mind that understanding flashed through Hyunggu’s eyes.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened, Shinwonnie?”

Shinwon shrugged, and then he looked down as he felt something drip onto his thigh. Weird. He hadn’t even noticed he’d started crying. “I don’t know where to even start,” he said weakly. A lot had happened in those months and he wasn’t sure he could even scratch the tip of the iceberg.

“Start from the beginning. I have all the time in the world, and I’ll wait even longer if I have to,” he said, reaching up to brush a tear from Shinwon’s cheek with a gentle thumb. He was crying, but everything else felt numb - muted, like how Hyunggu had described it. Then he nodded, taking a deep breath before he began. 

It took well over an hour, but Hyunggu hummed and watched him with his undivided attention the whole time. Occasionally he’d jump in to explain something that had happened at home around the same time, such as Hongseok and Matthew’s fight and meeting MJ’s family or working with Seonghwa and San to try to decipher Hongjoong’s notes on Purgatory, but mostly, he listened. The worst part was that there wasn’t an ounce of judgement on his face. Not when he explained how he’d protected Changgu from MJ or how he’d let Changgu feed on him so he wouldn’t die. Not when he explained the amount of times they’d risked their lives for each other. Not when he told him about Changgu’s confession mid argument or the countless soft kisses they’d shared. Not when he told him about their last night in Purgatory and the way he looked so fragile beneath him. Not when he told him about the grief and the pain that swallowed him whole as he had to kill someone he was just starting to fall for in order to get back to those he’d _already_ fallen for. No, the whole time, Hyunggu listened to Shinwon pour out everything he remembered, gripping onto his hands whenever they started to shake.

“You’re back now, okay? And don’t you think for a moment that I don’t still love you just as much as I did before,” Hyunggu said quietly. Shinwon nodded slowly. “What happened in Purgatory happened, but you’re back now. You’re safe, Shinwon, and I’ll protect you with my life.”

Shinwon shook his head, frowning as he pushed Hyunggu’s hand off of where he’d rested it on his shoulder. “No… I’m tired of people I care about laying down their lives for me. I hope it never comes to that again…”

Hyunggu nodded in understanding. “Okay, but you’re stuck with me alright? Hui and Yanan too. I know it’s hard for you to be around him right now, but he understands. None of us are gonna leave you ever again, okay?”

“Like my own personal trio of babysitters, huh?” Shinwon laughed, and Hyunggu rolled his eyes. 

“You’re just as ridiculous as ever.”

“At least that’s one thing Purgatory didn’t change, right?”

“It also didn’t change how much I love you. Now drink up so we can both get some rest,” Hyunggu sighed, scooching closer to Shinwon. 

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve drank your blood plenty of times, Shinwon. It’s fine. If I need you to stop, I have my ways.”

“Okay,” Shinwon said softly. All of the blood he’d drank had come from vials and bags. Hongjoong had been feeding him his own blood at the sanctuary, and then they’d returned home, Hui had given him a bag, telling him not to guzzle it all at once even if he was thirsty - and he was. It was hardly enough to satisfy him and he had to force himself not to empty it in seconds because he knew he’d make himself sick if he drank too much too fast. He’d never actually properly fed and the idea of drinking from a living person was terrifying. He was afraid of losing control, but Hyunggu stared at him with a gentle smile.

“It’s alright. I promise,” Hyunggu said, tilting his head and baring the smooth flesh of his neck. Shinwon licked his lips and his jaw ached as he felt his fangs pushing their way out from where they’d been hidden, just above his teeth. It was like his body’s natural instincts were kicking in and suddenly he was all too aware of the sound of Hyunggu’s blood rushing through his veins and the beating of his heart. He reached to wrap his arms around his shoulders as if he were trying to hug him, but then he bit down, fangs piercing his soft flesh as blood started to flow into his mouth, thick and rich. Hyunggu gasped softly, reaching out to tangle a hand in Shinwon’s hair as he drank, but the feeling of his fingers was lost because all Shinwon could think of was the blood. The taste was familiar yet new altogether and he could feel the effects of it almost immediately. On top of Hyunggu’s blood apparently having calming properties, there was a huge difference in drinking from a vial or a bag versus getting it straight from the source. It was intoxicating and overpowering and Shinwon wanted more. He greedily drank from Hyunggu, barely aware of the soft feeling of his fingers stroking his hair. “I’ve got you,” he whispered, but Shinwon barely could process the words. “You’re safe now.”

He wasn’t sure how much he’d taken by the time he managed to tear himself away, lapping at the blood that blossomed from the punctures as he pulled away, and for a moment, Hyunggu was quiet, staring at him with a dazed expression and flushed cheeks as he seemed to sway. 

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Shinwon asked, concern filling his voice.

“No,” Hyunggu said, shaking his head. “I was getting ready to tell you to stop, but you did it just fine on your own. I feel grand,” he laughed. “Do you feel better?”

“Yeah,” Shinwon said with a nod, and he was telling the truth. He’d grown accustomed to lying about how he felt because he didn’t want the others to worry about him, and it was refreshing to not have to lie for once. 

“Do you think you can rest now?”

“It’d be better if Hui was here too, but I think I’ll manage,” Shinwon said, his lips quirking into a smirk. 

“It’s too bad he got stuck on taxi duty, then.”

Shinwon sighed. “Yeah, it is.” Maybe it was greedy of him, but he wanted Hui to himself for the moment, but where he’d gotten a chance to be reunited with his loved ones, MJ and Hongjoong hadn’t. It was the least Hui could do to take them back home. He’d left with a promise that he’d return as soon as he could, but after such a long time without him, that small amount of time seemed to stretch out like an eternity. He tried to push it to the back of his mind. He was home, and at least he had Hyunggu with him for now. That was far more than he could have hoped for after months of being stuck in Purgatory. He should have been grateful. 

Instead, he felt empty. Everything was a mess, he’d died and come back, and even if he was back home with the people he loved, part of him wanted Changgu. He hated that he wanted him, but he was also the only person who truly understood what had happened in Purgatory. He’d been at his side the whole time, and Shinwon couldn’t bear the thought of him being gone. It didn’t feel real, but the memory of him staring down at his own heart before dropping to the ground continued to play on loop in Shinwon’s mind. He was dead and he wouldn’t be coming back. Shinwon might not have been an expert on magic or Purgatory, but he knew there wasn’t any way anyone could come back from that. When they’d left, he felt the door close behind them, locking them away from that place. The sooner he moved on and adjusted to the changes, the better. 

* * *

The second time Shinwon saw a memory that wasn’t his own, he found himself cast into a completely different scene.

* * *

_He could hear shouting from the floor below. Men were arguing about something in a language he still hadn’t managed to grasp more than a couple of words of. Since they’d arrived in the strange city, with its canals and crowds, the two brothers had had little to do but hope. He’d managed to find work in the shop below. It wasn’t easy and the pay wasn’t good, but he didn’t know the words to ask for more and he suspected that if he tried, he’d be thrown out. It was enough for him to feed his brother, and that was what mattered._

_They didn’t have a place of their own. Instead, they lived in one of the spare rooms above the shop, and money was taken from his already meager pay to cover the cost. It was small, with barely enough room for the single cot it contained, and most of the time, he let Yeongsu sleep on it while he curled up on the floor next to him._

_They’d been on their own for five years, but the memory of that day and the sounds of his mother’s screams were fresh in his mind. He did what he could to support Yeongsu, but the other was sickly. There was only so much he could do besides hope, and hope could only go so far. He spent his days in the shop, working under the heat of the forge as he learned a trade without the words for it. He built swords and shields and knives but he also built more mundane things like fishing hooks and nails. He was a quick learner, so even if he stared at his boss blankly whenever the old man tried to speak to him, he was able to look past it. He suspected it was because he did whatever was asked of him without question. He may as well have been another tool in the man’s collection._

_Next to him, Yeongsu coughed._

_He moved to his side, grabbing onto his hand. “Don’t worry. I’m here,” he said quietly, before lifting a cup of water to the boy’s lips. His brother weakly sipped at the water, and for a moment his coughing subsided before he broke into another fit. He was getting worse, and he had no idea what he could do to help him. At this rate, it’d take one of those magicians his mother used to tell him stories of as a kid, but he had no idea how one went about finding a magician. Besides, they were likely nothing more than fairytales to help him fall asleep at night._

_“I’ll find someone to help you. I promise,” he said, brushing the dark hair away from Yeongsu’s forehead and placing a soft kiss there. “Wait for me, okay? I’ll be back soon.”_

_His brother said nothing, just nodding weakly as he stared at him with vacant eyes. Something inside of him broke. This was all his brother had known; a life of running and suffering and sickness. He had no idea how to give him something better than that, though that didn’t stop him from trying. He slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind him before quietly descending down the stairs. The men were still yelling in the main room, and he was able to understand a couple stray words and gather that it was something related to money. He slipped from the building without either of them hearing him, although he wasn’t sure why he felt like he needed to be sneaky about it. Maybe it was just a force of habit after growing so used to being on the run. He didn’t even know what he was running from anymore and he hadn’t known what it was to begin with. All he knew was that since his mother had told him to run those years ago, he’d never stopped._

_It was late at night, but despite the hour, the streets were lively. The wealthier parts of town might have been more quiet, but where he was, people drifted between bars or_ _curled up in dark corners, hoping to rest without being caught by the patrolling guards. There were tents and stands of a makeshift market that was barely legal, but he supposed the guards had long since given up on trying to stop it. People shouted from their tents, saying words in all sorts of different languages, showing off items that were old or new or too good to be true. Some of them were mundane; an old woman had a tent with blankets and clothes and other handmade items. Some of them were things he’d never seen before and couldn’t even begin to guess at the uses of. Other people had baskets of fruit that looked to be rotting, and although he frowned in disgust at it, he knew that people would eat almost anything if they were desperate enough. He wasn’t looking to fill his belly though, and he turned his eyes away from the flashiness of the tents, making his way down an alley that was less crowded._

_The man he was looking for was no magician, but he’d lived in the town for long enough to know the language, and more importantly hopefully have an idea of someone who might be able to help. The alley was dark and quiet but then it opened up into a yard. It might have been a park at one point, but any plants that had thrived there were overgrown or dying, having not been kept after in the recent years. For the most part, the ground was just a hard and dry dirt that he suspected wouldn’t budge even if someone took a shovel to it. Clustered throughout it were tents and tarps and makeshift shacks. Living out here was most certainly not legal, but if the authorities knew about this place, they looked the other way. They probably weren’t paid enough to care._

_It was here that he originally had met the man known simply as Jun. He didn’t know much about the man, other than the fact that they shared a language and that he had for some reason helped him get his job at the forge, translating to the man who ran it and promising him that he was a hard worker and quick learner. Jun could have been in his 20s or his 30s, but he’d never thought to ask. He supposed he probably still owed him for helping him get his job, but before he’d be able to repay him for his kindness, he’d have to ask for one more favor._

_This time, when he found Jun, he was sitting under the canopy of a red tarp, muttering something to himself as he tried to start a fire. He made his way over to him, taking a seat in front of him and quietly taking the tools from his hands before starting the fire for him._

_“Thank you, kid. I don’t suppose you came all this way just to help me with some fire, though?” His voice was deep and raspy, making him sound much older than he looked, and he stared at him with dark eyes and a raised eyebrow._

_“No… actually I need your help again. You remember Yeongsu?”_

_“The kid? How’s he been?”_

_“He’s been getting sicker. I don’t know who else to go to or how I can help him. What little medicine I’ve been able to get has barely helped. I don’t want him to… I promised my mother I’d protect him…”_

_“Hm…” Jun trailed off, his brow furrowing as he tapped his chin, deep in thought. “Let me take a look at him… I’ll see what I can do, and if there’s not anything I can do, I’ll find someone who can help,” he said after a moment of deliberation. He had no idea what he’d done to deserve Jun’s kindness, but he nodded quickly. “But first, let me eat. Sit with me, you look like you could use some food in your belly too,” he said._

_So he sat with Jun as he made a stew over the fire, listening as the man babbled about things that he didn’t quite understand. Although he didn’t have much food, he was still kind enough to share with him and that in itself had him indebted to him. He had a growing list of things he’d have to repay the man for, but he wasn’t sure if there was a true price for the kindness. If it weren’t for Jun’s help, neither he or Yeongsu would have made it as far as they did. When they finished their meal, he led Jun back to the shop. It was quiet now, and either the owner had simply stopped his bickering or he’d finally gone to bed. As the pair creeped up the stairs, it was quiet._

_“I’m back,” he said as he pushed into his room. Yeongsu was quiet, and for a moment, he was filled with a heavy dread, but then he saw the slow rise and fall of his chest, and he could hear the faint rasp of his breathing._

_Jun pushed past him to take a knee at the bed, looking at Yeongsu with a frown, placing his hand against his forehead and checking his temperature. Then, he held his hands over his body as his lips moved soundlessly. When he turned, he had a heavy set frown and he shook his head slowly._

* * *

“I need to get out of here,” Shinwon said, pacing through the living room as he raked a hand through his hair. They’d been back for a few days, and although he’d fed enough that he felt up to strength, Hyunggu and Hui had both forbidden him from leaving the house. He hated it. He felt like he was in jail, and although he knew they had his best interests in mind, between being cooped up and having dreams that weren’t dreams, he thought he might actually lose his mind. 

“I don’t know…” Hui said, looking up from the book he’d been reading with a frown. 

“I’m not asking to go clubbing with a bunch of strangers… I just have questions and I doubt you’ll be much help… no offense,” he said, shrugging. Hui stared at him with a raised eyebrow before setting down his book. 

“Try me.”

“I’ve been having these dreams lately but…” he trailed off, not quite sure how to phrase it without sounding like he was crazy. Hell, he felt crazy. “But I don’t think they’re mine. I think they’re someone else’s and I don’t know why I’m seeing them… did you ever know someone named Yeongsu?”

“Yeongsu?” Hui frowned, looking deep in thought for a moment, before shaking his head. “I knew a few people with that name, but I was never close to any of them.”

“It was a kid… he was sick,” Shinwon said, pacing across the room. “I had a dream and I was trying to save him - or whoever I was in the dream was, at least. I don’t even know where I was, and half the time I didn’t know what anyone was saying because I was in a different country. 

“That’s… I don’t know, Shinwon. I guess you’ve got me stumped. Where are you trying to go?”

“I wanted to talk to Hyuna about it… or maybe Hongjoong. Maybe one of them will have answers…”

“Do you think you’ll manage fine?”

“I don’t know,” Shinwon said, because it was true. He didn’t know, but there was no way he’d ever know or learn how to control himself if they kept him locked inside. “But I’d like to think I have good self control.”

Hui nodded after a long moment. “Drink something before leaving, at least,” he said. Shinwon followed him into the kitchen, letting the other hand him what looked like a juice box. He frowned, poking a straw into it and then sipping. Although the times he’d fed from Hongjoong had been indirect, the blood had still been fresh. Hyunggu’s blood had tasted even better, but he didn’t like drinking from a box or a bag. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t good either; it tasted old and stale and it left his mouth feeling dry. He was sure he’d get used to it in time, but for the moment he was disappointed in the taste. He threw out the box when it was empty, pulling out his phone to text Hongjoong. Thankfully, the other was staying somewhat nearby for the time being. It’d been about a week since they’d arrived back in town, and apparently Seonghwa and Mingi had been holed up in the sanctuary for some time with the witch San, who he had yet to meet. They had made no move to leave yet, for which Shinwon was thankful. Although Hyuna had years of experience with magic under her belt, Shinwon had a suspicion that Hongjoong, with his knowledge of both dark magic and Purgatory, would have the answers he needed. 

Although he was tired of people fussing over him, he indulged Hui once again, letting the other push him into the bathroom to cover him in sunscreen, even if he wasn’t sure why he bothered. It was far enough into the fall that he could get away with covering his skin in layers, but Hui insisted it was better safe than sorry. Part of Shinwon was filled with a morbid curiosity of what the sun would actually do to him. According to the others, it was like a really bad sunburn, but he wondered how bad it actually was to warrant the whole myth of vampires bursting into flames. Once Hui was satisfied and Shinwon was covered in enough sunscreen that he swore he could feel the thick layer of it, he let him leave. He wondered if vampires broke out and if the weird magical sunscreen would clog his pores. He’d never been one for using an excessive amount of skincare, and the minimal approach had always worked just fine for him, but he supposed the sunscreen was a necessary evil. 

He stepped out into the cool fall air. He could drive, but he’d been cooped up inside for so long that he opted to walk instead. Besides, it’d been months since the last time he’d driven any sort of vehicle, and he wasn’t overly eager to get in a wreck. He was used to walking, and although he wasn’t particularly fond of physical activity, he was more than a little curious about how quick he could move. He shut the door behind him, making sure his keys and phone were safely zipped away into his pocket, and then he launched himself off the porch, letting his legs carry him through the woods. It was like everything else around him had slowed while he’d sped up. It was exhilarating. He was barely aware of the impact of his feet as they hit the ground because he was moving so fast that it felt like he was gliding. When Changgu had carried him back in Purgatory, he’d had his eyes crammed shut the whole time and they’d been being chased by who knows how many demons, but now? He was hyper aware of everything as he moved past it. The browns and greens of the forest melted away around him into one muddy blur, but at the same time he could pick out each detail of his surroundings, easily dodging low hanging branches or leaping over logs. It was his first real taste of what he was truly capable of. Feeling his fangs and drinking blood was one thing, but running at a speed he could barely comprehend was something else entirely. 

He barely registered when he reached the clearing of the sanctuary, forcing himself to slow into a jog before walking through the grass. Despite it being fall, the sanctuary was in a perpetual state of spring; the grass was green and flowers still bloomed and around him, he could hear animals moving about. He made his way across the clearing to the other side. He’d only been to the buildings a couple of times, and really, it resembled a campsite. Just inside the treeline was a small row of cabins; all of them were fairly small and only suitable to hold a couple bunk beds each and nothing more. It wasn’t anything luxurious, by any means, but lodgings at the sanctuaries weren’t meant to be permanent. He knew that further in the woods, there was a main building, but from what Hongjoong had told him, the four of them had holed up in one of the cabins. He didn’t have to even search for them because Hongjoong was already outside waiting for him, sitting on the steps of one of the cabins.

“That was fast,” he said, but he didn’t sound surprised. He looked tired. He’d looked rough while they were in Purgatory, but the exhaustion that clung to him was different. It was the type of exhaustion of someone who’d been gone too long and who no longer knew where their place was. Although Shinwon had been gone less time than he had, he still felt the same way. It’d still been months, and now he was back home and barely two months had passed. Everything was the same as how he’d left it and he didn’t know what to make of it. “You said you needed to speak?”

“Yeah,” Shinwon nodded, moving to sit on the steps next to Hongjoong. “Since I’ve gotten back… I’ve been having these dreams,” he began. He didn’t even know how to begin to explain them to the other, but he also knew that Hongjoong would be the last person to judge him. “Except, I don’t think they’re dreams. I think they’re memories, but they’re not mine. Do you think that the spell might have…” he trailed off, hoping that Hongjoong understood what he meant. He didn’t have any other explanation, and although the memories were fragmented, something in him insisted that it _had_ to be Changgu. 

Hongjoong hummed, frowning. “I’ve never heard of something like that happening before, but I do think it’s likely. Maybe part of the spell was you absorbing more than just his energy and life. There were still a lot of unknowns about how you’d react to it because obviously it’s not a commonly cast spell. What have you seen?”

“I’ve only had a couple of memories, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there were more,” Shinwon sighed. “The first time it happened, I was a child with his mother, or at least that’s who I’m assuming it was. I think someone attacked their home… She handed me a baby that was his brother and told me to run. The second time, I was older and had a job. I think I was working for a blacksmith or something and Yeongsu - that’s his brother - was sick. I found this man who I thought might be able to help him, but by the time we got back, it was too late. I don’t know what to make of any of it,” he said. The memory of the dying child was permanently etched into his brain even though it wasn’t his memory to begin with, and the worst part about it was that through the memories, he could feel Changgu’s emotions. He could feel his guilt over his brother’s death as if it were his very own. 

“Hm…” Hongjoong stared at Shinwon, his frown only growing deeper. “That’s interesting, indeed. I would have thought his memories would have died with his body back in Purgatory. Usually the two are bound together and it’s tricky to separate them, even with magic. Sure, you can put a block on someone’s memories with compulsion and other spells, but they’re still bound to them. It’s not that easy to just look into someone else’s soul and watch their memories as if they were your own. Usually, in order to see someone else’s memories they have to be…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “In any case, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I appreciate you telling me, but I don’t have much information to go off of. I’ll do some digging of my own, though, and I’ll be sure to let you know if I find out anything else of your predicament.”

It wasn’t a confident sounding answer, but Shinwon still nodded. Hongjoong was just about the only person who he could talk to about what was happening and hope to get even an ounce of information in return. He was the only one who’d been there with him in Purgatory and seen what had happened with his eyes, other than MJ, but he’d be asking MJ no questions. The other knew next to nothing about magic, and he’d just gotten home after being gone for over a decade in Purgatory’s standards. He deserved time with his family and a break from worrying about other people. They all deserved a break. 

“Thank you for everything,” Shinwon said, sighing as he reached out to hug Hongjoong. Up close, he could smell the faint scent of his blood mixed with everything else about him. It wasn’t something he’d have noticed if it weren’t for the fact that he’d drank his blood before, and he was thankful that unless someone was bleeding, nothing was overpowering. 

“Don’t mention it. You’re my friend, and I want to help in any way I can, okay? We might not have met under the most convenient of circumstances, but you’re stuck with me now.”

“I suppose I am, huh?”

* * *

Shinwon didn’t head straight home. He was sure both Hui and Hyunggu would scold him for it later, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t ready to be cooped up and having people breathing down his neck again. For how much he’d missed everybody, it was stifling not having a moment to himself. He was thankful that everyone was understanding and generally gave him space when he needed it, but right now, he needed the fresh air. It was nice outside, if not a bit chilly, but he barely registered it as he walked along the road. Maybe he could surprise someone. He hadn’t seen any of his friends since getting back and Yanan had been distant. He suspected that Hyunggu or Hui had told him to keep his distance for now. He wasn’t sure he could even blame them. 

While he barely registered the scent of most people’s blood, for whatever reason, Yanan’s scent was intoxicating. Those days shortly after he’d gotten back from Purgatory, when Yanan had suddenly hugged him, it’d been a shock. He’d stood there stiffly, barely trusting himself to hug the other back because all he could think about was how much he wanted to sink his teeth into his neck. He’d spent most of their conversation trying to push the steady beating of his heart into the back of his mind, trying desperately to focus on his words and the fact that he was finally able to see him again after all that time. He wanted to kiss him and hold him and be with him again, and even though the others had every reason to worry, he wanted to scream that the only way he’d ever get used to being around people again was by _actually_ being around them. 

He wasn’t sure how long he wandered down the street for. All he knew was that the sun was starting to dip despite it being mid afternoon, and that suddenly the air was thick with a cloying scent. _Did someone injure themselves,_ he thought, vaguely concerned. Of course his immediate first reaction was to worry, but his thoughts didn’t matter because his body moved on its own. He ditched the road all together, moving through the trees quickly and quietly, and the closer he got, the more tight his throat felt. Every breath he took filled him with that thick, sweet scent and it was enough to make his head spin and his gums throb in his mouth. Someone had injured themselves for sure, and whoever they were had an irresistible scent. A building came into sight, but his brain didn’t register where he was, or the man who was cursing in the doorway of it because he’d found his target.

Someone was standing outside, his back to him as he looked at his hand. Blood dripped from it, and at the sound of shouting, he’d looked up in confusion. Shinwon barely registered the confused look in his eyes as he gripped onto his shoulders, fangs sinking into his neck as he let the blood flow into his mouth.


	20. Chapter 20

Changgu hadn’t been thinking when he’d gone outside, and that was his first mistake. Apparently Hongseok’s home didn’t have working heat and it was freezing inside. He had a fireplace, but apparently he hadn’t seen the need to invest in a space heater, of all things. So Changgu said he would go out and grab some wood if Hongseok could please, for the love of God, start a fire. He wondered if werewolves simply didn’t get cold. He might not have remembered who he was before, but he did have the strong feeling that that was a common cliche, and a cliche had to come from somewhere, right?

So he was using it as an excuse to shuffle outside for the moment, free of the ever confining walls of Hongseok’s home. He felt like a prisoner, but the hope of being able to piece together who he was Before kept him from leaving. Someone else might have given up and left, making a new life for themselves and quickly forgetting any idea of who they may have been before, but Changgu was stubborn, and he had the feeling that he’d _always_ been stubborn. Maybe it’d be a hell of a lot easier to just leave everything behind and accept the fact that fate had given him a blank slate and a second chance at life, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever get over the hanging sensation of guilt. 

He’d hurt Hongseok’s friends, and even if he couldn’t remember what he’d done, he could feel the vague weight of guilt. Even if the other was tolerable of him, he could see the anger in his eyes every time they talked. He could hear him talking to Jinho late at night, when they were sure he had fallen asleep. Sometimes they’d argue, but mostly they tried and failed to figure out a way to fix whatever had happened. It was hard to fix when they had no idea what had even happened to begin with, though. One of the few things they seemed to agree on was that they had to keep him away from Shinwon. The man who he’d apparently royally screwed over not once, but multiple times. The name rang in his mind with recognition, even if he couldn’t remember the face or what had happened. He’d screwed him over enough that Shinwon’s significance was permanently seared into his soul, as if the other were punishing him for all his previous wrongdoings. He didn’t voice his thoughts on the matter to Hongseok or Jinho, though, because he was sure they’d both just scoff. Where Hongseok tolerated him, Jinho barely did so. It was clear that Jinho didn’t want him there and thought that Hongseok was making a mistake and digging himself into a hole by sheltering what he delightfully called a “egotistical and sadistic prick,” but Changgu found that the other’s harshness towards him didn’t bother him. He supposed he more than deserved it, even if he didn’t remember. Memory loss didn’t erase the people he’d hurt or the things he’d done. 

Maybe going outside hadn’t been his brightest moment, but if that had been his first mistake, his second mistake was reaching down to grab a wooden plank from a woodpile, only to jerk his arm back, plank clattering to the ground forgotten as pain seared up his arm. “Fuck,” he hissed, holding up his hand to look at it. A gash sliced across his hand as blood quickly welled up, and as he looked back down at the plank, he noticed that there’d been a nail sticking out of the other side. He hoped it wouldn’t get infected, because he wasn’t sure he wanted to amputate his hand. 

“I heard something drop, is everything o-“ Changgu heard Hongseok shouting from the doorway, but his words quickly dropped away into a string of curses as his eyes settled not on Changgu, but _behind_ him. 

He turned, only having a moment to take in the man that had seemingly materialized before he felt a deeper pain in his neck and was vaguely aware of the fact that the man was gripping him tightly. So, this was how he’d go. Not from whatever other crazy things he’d done in his previous life, but by being clumsy and attracting a vampire. Part of him wanted to struggle, to fight against it. He still didn’t have his answers, but then he felt more and more of himself slipping away as something sickly sweet began to course through his veins, blossoming through his body and making his vision dance with lights. He felt himself going limp in the stranger’s arms, and just before his eyes fluttered shut, he could swear he heard someone saying the words “I know”.

* * *

They came to him in flashes, appearing so quick that he barely had the time to take them in. His mother’s voice and the gentle sway of her hips as she walked. The determination in his brother’s eyes. The guilt of a stranger who couldn’t help him, but had tried his best. Running and running, endlessly through the years. Getting caught up with thieves and gangs because it was the only way he could survive, but it not being enough as he was gutted out in an alley with nobody left to remember him. A new face with eyes filled with a wisdom that seemed too much for someone his own age. Learning how to live after death and grappling with abilities that seemed more fairytale than fact to him. Countless lovers and flings that meant little to him, but then one face who he couldn’t shake. Losing a grip on himself, stooping so low as to let himself be driven by spite and revenge. Severing his ties with the very person who’d given him his second shot at life in the first place. Years of trying to make up for it before realizing that it wasn’t as easy as saying sorry, and then giving up and being the demon he’d made himself out to be. Countless memories, being flung at him so fast that he couldn’t focus on any one thing as he let himself be filled with information. 

Changgu could hear Hongseok’s voice, but it was muffled, as if he were talking through a glass that was buffered with blankets and pillows. He couldn’t make out any of the words and he could barely feel himself. Was he dying? Was this his life flashing before his eyes? He registered the dull pain at his neck and the searing sensation of venom ripping its way through his veins, but it was barely noticeable compared to the flashes of memories that danced all around him. 

More running. Always running and never getting a break from it. He didn’t know if he’d ever stopped running in his life, and he wasn’t even sure what he was running from anymore. He’d forgotten long ago. Running and running and everything flying past him too quick to take in until it came to a stop. A cheap diner and a disheveled man devouring a burger in front of him. His eyes were warm and beautiful, and although he had every reason to hate him, he was more than happy for the burger. He felt himself teetering, maybe from his state. He’d stopped taking care of himself and he hadn’t been sure the last time he’d ate, and it was hard to focus on anything as he’d watched the man devour the burger. Mostly, he just wanted to stop running, but he’d been running for so long that he didn’t know how to stop. He wasn’t sure he could, even if he wanted to. So instead, he found a stranger, drank from them and made them forget it ever happened. Maybe he could run away with the man in front of him, but who was he kidding? That was a ridiculous idea, and the man across from him loathed him. 

When his friends and loved ones had found him, later that night, Changgu hadn’t even tried to fight with them. He was tired and foolish for thinking that he might be able to come up with any sort of working plan, so instead he’d thrown the man at them and told them to get out of his sight. But the man was seared into his brain with no sign of leaving. Shinwon.

Shinwon, who’d started off as being a reason to get back at Hui, because he’d always been spiteful and terrible about keeping grudges for far too long. Shinwon, who he’d abducted with the intentions of killing him, because what did another human life matter? It was Hui’s fault for falling for another mortal, as if he hadn’t learned his lesson the first time around when he’d fallen for Hyunggu. Shinwon, who’d valiantly tried to cast him from their world, but who he’d greedily reached for in the last moment before the gateway could close around him. 

He couldn’t be sure where he’d gone wrong because his life seemed to be a never ending pile of mistakes, most of them far too great to ever be forgiven. Some of them couldn’t even be called mistakes, because the actions had been deliberate, and he’d been aware of the fact that they were wrong. He wasn’t sure when he’d let his obsession with spite and revenge melt away into something else, morphing into a need to have Shinwon. Not have him as a possession, but the need to simply keep him safe. He wasn’t sure then that need had melted into something softer, but hotter, coming on so suddenly that he wasn’t sure how to react to it, because he had gone and done the very same thing he’d scoffed at Hui over: he’d fallen for a mortal. Not just any mortal, but one who had every reason to hate him. Sure, Shinwon had surely hated him for a while, but Changgu wasn’t sure when or why that hatred for him had dissolved. He didn’t love him, he knew that much. Shinwon had always been honest, and when he’d discovered the depth of Changgu’s feelings, he’d made it clear that he wasn’t sure where he was. He needed him, but he couldn’t forgive him for anything he’d done, and really, why should he? He was terrible and he didn’t deserve his forgiveness or anyone else’s, for that matter. He couldn’t hold it against Shinwon. 

And then, he’d figured out the perfect way to atone for what he’d done. They needed a way out, and a witch told him that he was the answer. That if he sacrificed himself, it would be the key to getting everybody else back home. He’d made so many mistakes, and he figured that it was probably time for him to do something right. He was a vampire and he’d lived a long life. He’d been given his second chance and he’d abused it, using it only to cause problems for anybody that came too close, but at least he could help other people for once. The idea of death had scared him, but he wanted Shinwon to get back home. He knew that none of the others would ever forgive him, and he didn’t want their forgiveness to begin with because he’d harmed them enough that he didn’t deserve it. The only thing that he could do was help everyone get home and hope that they would be able to live on without worry. In the end, it hadn’t hurt badly. It’d been a weird sensation to feel someone reach through his skin, rippling through him as if he weren’t even solid. He hadn’t considered how it would feel to have someone’s hand around his heart, yanking it from his chest, but in the moment, he hadn’t felt any fear. He’d reassured Shinwon that it was okay, telling him that he loved him. 

“I know,” he’d replied, giving the final tug as he’d wrenched Changgu’s heart free from his chest. For a moment, it’d been anticlimactic. Changgu stared at his heart in the other’s blood soaked hand, wondering how such a thing had even come out of his chest and why it was still stubbornly trying to beat.

“Would you look at that,” he’d started to say, but as his eyes caught on the heart in Shinwon’s hand, he saw that it no longer moved. Everything had slipped away quickly then, and his world had dissolved into blackness so quickly that he hadn’t even had the time for his life to flash before his eyes, but it didn’t matter, because the next thing he knew, he was waking up and covered in vines. 

* * *

“Am I dead?”

He knew the answer. He hardly thought he’d be in quite so much pain if he’d died. His hand throbbed and his neck was sore and he had a migraine that was piercing enough that he was sure he’d vomit if he stood up too quickly.

“No. Why not?”

Shinwon’s voice. It dawned on him that he recognized the other’s voice and he felt a sinking feeling as he realized that he remembered everything clearly. He should have died. Hell, he was positive he had. It didn’t matter if he had been a vampire, he still needed his heart and there was no way in hell that he should have been able to survive having it magically ripped from his chest. But for some reason, he was here and he could feel his heart beating steadily in his chest. He wondered what the hell had happened.

“I don’t know,” he sighed. 

“I almost killed you. If Hongseok hadn’t been here to rip me off of you, I would have. You need to be more careful, you idiot,” Shinwon sighed, his voice shaky. 

Changgu opened his eyes slowly, wincing at the light. “You should have, I feel like shit.”

“I tried to heal you,” Shinwon said quietly. Changgu slowly turned his head to face the other. He was on the couch in Hongseok’s living room, Shinwon sitting on the floor at his side with a deep frown on his face. “I tried, but it didn’t work. Either Purgatory took every ounce of magic I had left in me, or dying and becoming a vampire did. Either way, my blood’s not magical anymore.”

“You didn’t have to,” Changgu began, but he knew that that wasn’t how Shinwon would see it.

“Yes I did. I barely stopped myself in time, Changgu. You shouldn’t even get up right now because I definitely took too much.”

Changgu shrugged, sending him a sad smile. “It’s not like I haven’t drank my fair share from you, you know?”

“Why are you here?” Shinwon was changing the subject again. Changgu couldn’t tell if it was because he was uncomfortable with the previous conversation, or if it was his attempt at trying to wrap his head around everything. There wasn’t any way Changgu should have been there, so why was he? How was he? Although he had his memories back for the time being, he still had no idea how he’d ended up back in their world with a beating heart in his chest, no longer undead. He was sure Shinwon was just as puzzled as he was.

“I don’t know. I just? I woke up covered in vines with no memory of anything. I saw Yuto and I also saw a ghost, but then I found Hongseok, and he let me crash at his place. I think it was out of pity. Neither him or Jinho were overly thrilled to have me, but I didn’t have any memory so I guess I was deemed to be non threatening enough.”

“I…” Shinwon trailed off, looking down at his hands before looking up at Changgu again. “I saw your memories when I slept. Only a couple of them, but when I fed on you? It was like your life was flashing before my eyes,” he said in a small voice. So he’d seen it all. Changgu wondered if knowing him to that degree made him loathe him even more. It didn’t matter what had happened between them in Purgatory, because they were back home and Shinwon had Hui and Hyunggu and Yanan. He didn’t need Changgu. 

“When you bit me, I saw it too. I didn’t remember anything and then suddenly I saw it all at one. It was rather dreadful, if I say so myself. There’s… there’s a lot that I’d rather not remember,” he sighed. He’d been a vampire so long that he’d almost forgotten what his life had been like before then, but he supposed that his first life could barely be considered a life. He’d run away, his mother had probably died, his brother died, and although Jun had tried his best to mentor him for a few years, the other man had also died of some plague that was going around at the time. Everyone he’d been close to ended up fading away and he had no choice but to keep running and keep surviving through it all, until he couldn’t anymore. It should have all ended the first time, when he’d been at the wrong end of a knife all those years ago. Hui should have never given him a second chance, and he had no idea who had decided to give him a third, but he certainly didn’t deserve it. It didn’t matter whether or not he deserved it, though, because he had it. 

“Where are we supposed to go from here, Changgu?”

“I dunno… I guess I’ll have to rest until I’m healed up, but then I’ll probably leave. I haven’t got any idea where I’ll go, of course, but I’ll figure it out,” Changgu said, shrugging. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d left everything that he knew behind. 

“No,” Shinwon spoke, breaking him from his thoughts. Changgu felt something in him crack at the intensity of the other’s voice.

“Shinwon-“

“No, I already lost you once. I don’t wanna lose you again.”

“All I’ve ever done is bring you one bad thing after another. You shouldn’t forgive me, and even if you did, that doesn’t mean anybody else will understand,” Changgu said. He knew that at the end of the day, him telling Shinwon not to forgive him would likely only make the other want to be nicer to him out of spite. but he also knew that it was one of the few things that he was right about. He didn’t deserve Shinwon’s forgiveness, but even if he was willing to hand it to him on a silver platter, he knew that nobody else would do so so easily. He’d brought everyone their fair share of pain, and there was no point in wallowing in the guilt of his past mistakes, because he’d been aware they were the wrong thing to do all along - he just hadn’t cared.

He’d stopped caring when he’d killed Hyunggu, and he’d let the bad deeds pile up slowly. Countless lives taken and countless vampires turned. People he toyed with, simply because he could. None of it had mattered to him because he’d already messed up things with the only people who’d ever given him any thought, and it didn’t matter if he regretted it because he’d still done it, impulsive or not. He hadn’t cared when he’d killed witches and anybody else who got in his way. He hadn’t cared when he’d found one with magical blood and turned him because part of him was curious if he could have an eternal source and the other part of him simply just wanted to know if it’d work. When said vampire had run away in broad daylight, he hadn’t cared either, he’d just been impressed by his resilience. He hadn’t cared when he’d first seen Shinwon, a complete stranger, sitting in the window of Hui and Hyunggu’s home, nor had he cared when he began his cruel game of taunting the other and trying to lure him away to safety. It’d been like a game to him, seeing how far he could go and how many of Hui’s and Hyunggu’s buttons he could push. 

By the time he started caring, it was way too late to fix anything. He’d gone and gotten a witch he only vaguely knew to kidnap Shinwon, almost gotten them both killed, and ended up finding himself falling for him by the end of it. It was ridiculous and it wasn’t fair to Shinwon. Shinwon, who’d only been trying to figure out what he wanted out of life, and who cared about everybody and everything so _damn_ much. Shinwon, who looked at so many people with stars in his eyes and seemed to have a bottomless well that he drew love from easily. He’d gone and fallen for someone that he did not deserve, and the worst part was, Shinwon knew that Changgu didn’t deserve him. He knew where Changgu had come from and he knew everything he’d done to hurt everybody, but he didn’t care. 

“I don’t have to forgive you to know I still care about you,” Shinwon said quietly. “Everything you did? It was messed up, and I can’t even say it wasn’t you because I saw your life, and I know what happened. But the infuriating thing is that I don’t care. I should hate you for everything you’ve put me through, but instead I went and started to fall. So do you deserve my forgiveness? No, and I’m not handing it to you either. But I still fell for you and care about you, and as messed up as everything is, I don’t want to just watch you walk away.”

“What am I supposed to do then? I don’t know about Hui and Hyunggu, but Yanan certainly wouldn’t like having me around, and Yuto threatened to kill me if I didn’t leave town. I hurt more people than just you, and you might be able to look past what I’ve done to you personally, but I don’t expect the others to do the same.”

Shinwon was quiet for a long moment, eyes trained on the ground. There was a heaviness to them that Changgu knew all too well, because he’d worn that expression for much of the time that they were in Purgatory. The only difference now was that he’d had time to recover and come back from everything; the exhaustion that clung to him now wasn’t the exhaustion of a man who’d spent months wandering through an ever changing world, but the exhaustion of a man who’d been fighting too many mental battles. Changgu might have died in Purgatory, but Shinwon must have died as he made the jump. Even if he was back as a vampire, it was a lot to handle. 

When Changgu had been turned, he’d adjusted quickly. It took time to get used to his newfound abilities and even longer to get good at controlling himself when feeding, but he didn’t have any emotional attachments left in his life as a human. It’d been easy for him to leave it all behind and pretend that that person had never existed. With Shinwon though? Changgu couldn’t imagine what the other was going through, because even if two of his lovers were vampires, and he’d adjusted well to learning about everything that was truly out there, he’d still been painfully human. It was one of the things that had made Changgu fall so hard and so fast. Shinwon, who was barely phased to learn about witches or vampires and who took it all in stride, but who was still about as human as they could get. Shinwon, who had a heart of gold and always made it his priority to help others before himself. He’d died, and now he was going to face a lifetime as a vampire, whether he wanted to or not. 

“I’ll talk to everyone, okay? They might not understand, and if they want me to tell you to get lost? You can go. You can run away and start over and pretend none of this happened, and you can go live out the rest of your life as a human. But if they’re willing to, I want to at least _try._ They might not ever forgive you, and that’s fine, but you’ve _changed._ You’re barely the same man as you were when I first met you, and that has to mean something, right?”

“It’s because of you,” Changgu said quietly. “You changed me. All of these years of running and running and trying to play god, and you were what made me stop. I don’t know how or why, and maybe at first it had to do with your blood, but even now that you’re a vampire and I’m a human and we’ve both died and come back? I can still feel all of it. I don’t want to let you go, I really don’t, but I also don’t want to put you through any more pain.” 

“I won’t let that happen, then,” Shinwon said. Changgu had always been used to being the most stubborn one, but one look at the fierce determination in Shinwon’s eyes told him that he wouldn’t be able to just walk away. He didn’t want to walk away, but he was afraid. After everything that had happened between them and everything he’d done to screw over every other damn person he’d met, he was terrified. What if he messed it up. He wasn’t afraid of Shinwon breaking his heart. If anything, he’d deserve it. But he didn’t want to see the other hurting anymore than he already had and he was positive that his presence in the other’s life would only bring more pain and stress before it could bring anything good - if it ever would. 

“Talk to them, then. Talk to them, and I’ll wait for you, but if they don’t want me to stick around? I’m leaving.”

“Okay,” Shinwon whispered. He reached out, gently cupping Changgu’s cheek, and he found himself melting into the touch. He’d missed it and he didn’t want the other to let go, but just as quickly, Shinwon was standing up, the warmth of his hand gone. “I gotta get going because the others are gonna worry about why I was gone for so long, but Changgu… promise me something?”

“Anything?”

“Try not to maim yourself anymore. That cut on your hand is gonna scar.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyyy <3 i wrote like half of this chapter in the middle of the night in one sitting but i like how it came out and i hope y’all did too :) 
> 
> pls lmk what you think in the comments ( or in my twt dms @mcshinwon lmao)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there’s lots of dialogue and hurt/comfort vibez in this chapter enjoy lolol

Shinwon had done a solid job of holding himself together, but the moment he stepped out of Hongseok’s house, everything fell away. Somehow, Changgu was alive and human. It made no sense and it should have been impossible, but Shinwon had seen it for himself. Hell, he’d almost killed him and the weight of that rested heavily on him. Behind all of the confusion and guilt though, he felt relief. Changgu was _alive._ He remembered the way the light had fled from the other’s eyes in the moments before they left Purgatory, but it didn’t matter because despite it all, he was there and his heart was stubbornly beating in a chest that should have been empty. He was alive and he was the only person who knew what Shinwon had gone through in Purgatory from the start. Their bond would have severed when they both died, and Shinwon knew that the feeling that gripped onto him when he saw him again wasn’t a result of said bond. It was because somehow, he’d let himself fall and he saw no end in sight.

He let out a shaky breath as he sat down on the steps of the porch. Hongseok was sitting there too, not wanting to intrude. “Why did you let him stay?”

Hongseok shrugged, laughing softly. “Because. Because even if I wanted him to stay away from you, I knew that you’d kick my ass if I sent him away. We’ve been best friends for ages, Shinwon. I like to think I know how you’d react to things. I just…” he sighed, shaking his head. “I didn’t want him to hurt you, and he had no memory. I couldn’t just let him wander around like an idiot. I’m sorry that you had to find out like this.”

Shinwon scoffed, shaking his head. “I can’t believe Jinho let you do that-“

“He barely did. He was pretty pissed at me over it and he hasn’t exactly tried to hide his disdain from Changgu.”

“Fair enough. Still… What are we gonna do with him? He’s not your responsibility or Jinho’s, but I can’t just bring him back home with me either. Although Hyunggu and Hui have a seemingly endless well of understanding and forgiveness, I think that me showing up out of the blue with Changgu at my side might cross a few lines.” 

“I can see it now. ‘Hey guys, look at what I’ve got,’” Hongseok laughed. Shinwon shook his head, trying not to smile. “What happened, Won? The first time I see you since you’ve gotten back, and it’s you ripping through the woods like a madman…” 

“Nobody told you?”

“No… they said you were alive, and that you needed time to adjust, but I assumed that was just because of… y’know… trauma. I never realized that you…” Hongseok trailed off and Shinwon turned to smile at him sadly.

“I mean, I’ve still got plenty of trauma. On top of that, I’ve been seeing Changgu’s memories instead of dreaming since I’ve gotten back. When I drank his blood… I saw everything at once. It wasn’t pretty and it all flew by too fast to comprehend, but I saw it all. I had to kill him to get home. His heart was the price to escape that place. There’s no way he could be here, but at the same time I…” he paused, taking a deep breath and willing his voice to stay even. “I can’t even begin to tell you what it was like there, Hongseok. It was awful and terrible, but every step of the way, _he_ was by my side. I couldn’t kill him, even if it was my only way home. He had to compel me into doing it. He was so willing to sacrifice himself for me because he wanted me to be able to live my life and return home to my loved ones, but by that point the thought of losing him was unbearable.”

“Shit, Shinwon, do you have feelings for him?”

Shinwon nodded slowly. He could feel the weight of Hongseok’s gaze on him and he was sure the other was spiraling at the concept, and really, who would have blamed him? The side of Changgu that they all knew had crumbled away, little by little, before they’d even gotten stuck in Purgatory. Shinwon had seen the change when he’d had him captive because as much as the other had tried to remain unreadable, he was bad at hiding it. Shinwon just hadn’t known what he was seeing at the time, that it wasn’t simply him being tired and worn out, but that he _wanted_ to change - that slowly, Shinwon had been chipping away at all the walls he’d built up. He wasn’t even sure if Changgu had realized what had been happening at the time, but by the time either of them had realized, they’d both been in too deep. 

“What are you gonna do then? What about Hui and Hyunggu and Yanan? What about everybody else he’s hurt? What about everything he’s done to you?”

“One thing at a time, ‘Seokie. A lot has happened and it’s hard to process for all of us. I don’t even know where to begin with everything that happened in Purgatory, but whatever I feel for him? It’s nothing compared to what he feels to me. I barely noticed him falling until we got in an argument and he said so out of the blue, but in retrospect, I guess I should have seen it coming.”

“Y’know? When we were roommates in college all those years ago, I envied you. All of that time, I was trying to be the perfect student and athlete I always was, but that was when I found out I was a shifter. It was a lot to deal with, because unlike you, I’ve always been a skeptic. I never believed in any of that stuff, and it was like my whole world was turned upside down. I thought that what was happening to me was the worst possible thing, and I hated that the only people that I could talk to about any of it were other shifters. But you? You’ve literally been through hell and back. It’s crazy to think that I used to think you had it easy, because since you’ve moved here, life has been throwing you one thing after another. I’m sorry I haven’t always been present, but I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you, okay? You’re my best friend, and while I might not get everything you’ve been through, you’re stuck with me.”

“Thank you,” Shinwon said, turning to look at Hongseok. The other was smiling at him sadly and Shinwon could feel tears threatening to spill. He tried to blink them away, but in the end, one ended up making its way down his cheek. Hongseok reached up to wipe it out of the way and Shinwon willed himself not to flinch at the sudden contact. After what had happened with Changgu, he was afraid to be too close to anybody. It didn’t matter that Hongseok could probably rip him to shreds if he wanted to, because Shinwon had already almost killed one person he cared about. He didn’t need to add his best friend to that list.

“Jinho won’t like it, but it’s my house, not his. I’ll let Changgu stay here until he can heal naturally. You took a lot from him, and I’m honestly surprised he woke up so quickly. He’s a stubborn one, isn’t he.”

“The most stubborn,” Shinwon said, laughing weakly. “Thank you. I’m gonna try to figure things out with Hui and Hyunggu and Yanan. I told Hui and Hyunggu about everything that happened in Purgatory, but I haven’t had many opportunities to be alone with Yanan since getting back. He’s… he’s hard for me to be around. I’m afraid I’m gonna lose control.”

“Yanan? I think he can handle you just fine,” Hongseok said, patting Shinwon on the shoulder. “Do what you need to in your own time, okay? You just got back from another dimension. You don’t have to have everything figured out. Now get back home before the others start worrying about you.”

“Thank you for everything,” Shinwon sighed, reaching over to squeeze Hongseok’s hand.

“Anytime.”

* * *

Hui met him halfway home. He must have gone out looking for him in his concern. “What happened?” He asked, falling into step next to Shinwon.

“A lot. I’ll explain everything when we’re home, but I need Yanan there too,” Shinwon said slowly.

“Yanan? Do you think you can handle-“

“It’s not a matter of me controlling myself. Yanan’s powerful and with Hyunggu and you there as well, it’s not like I’m exactly evenly matched. It doesn’t matter though, because I won’t need to feed for a while,” Shinwon said, with a sigh. His last words made Hui’s steps falter.

“Did you hurt someone, Shinwon?”

“I told you, a lot happened,” Shinwon fought to keep his voice even as he turned to face the other. “Nobody died. But things are more complicated than any of us realized, which is why I need Yanan there and why I’ll explain when we get home.”

“I… okay. Okay,” Hui said, sighing as he fell into step beside Shinwon once again. When he reached for his hand, Shinwon let him take it, locking their fingers together and giving it a soft squeeze. The pair of them walked in quiet for a while, and just being with Hui helped make Shinwon at ease. When he’d told him about what happened in Purgatory, he’d listened quietly, taking in every detail as Shinwon explained it. Like Hyunggu, he hadn’t held the barest hint of judgement when Shinwon had told him what had happened between him and Changgu. If anything, there’d been a sad understanding and the vague feeling that he’d known long before he’d said anything. When Shinwon had asked him about it, he’d replied by saying that even if Hyunggu was the one who could read people’s feelings, he knew the special kind of grieving that came with losing a lover when he saw it. Grief, according to Hui, was just as universal a language as love. 

Even if Hui and Hyunggu both seemed understanding, that had been when they thought that Changgu was dead. Shinwon had no way of knowing how they’d react to Changgu’s miraculous revival and he had even less of an idea of how Yanan would respond. Out of the four of them, Changgu had probably screwed over Yanan the least, but Shinwon knew how stubborn and unforgiving the other could be. It didn’t matter if Changgu hadn’t done much to him directly, because he’d hurt his loved ones and put them in harm’s way. That in itself was unforgivable. 

He didn’t have the time to worry over Yanan’s possible reactions though, because they were walking up to their house and Yanan’s car was already in the driveway. Shinwon took a deep breath before turning the doorknob and stepping past the threshold. Hyunggu and Yanan were both in the living room, and the former was already on his feet, making his way towards the door. 

“You were gone a long time.”

“I had a lot happen,” Shinwon said, frowning as he looked between Hyunggu and Yanan. 

“So what were you able to find out with Hongjoong?”

Right. That had been his whole reason for leaving in the first place. In hindsight, the whole ordeal felt ridiculous. He’d left to figure out why he was seeing Changgu’s memories, but it didn’t even matter now because the other was alive and whether or not he’d still see his memories were the least of his concerns. Changgu’s return had sparked many more questions and unknowns. 

“It doesn’t matter, because he hadn’t heard of something like it happening before. That and… certain things have happened that only leave me with more questions.”

“That’s awfully vague,” Yanan began, but Shinwon held up a finger.

“And I’m doing that intentionally, because I can’t even begin to ask or answer these questions until I tell you what happened in Purgatory. We haven’t had a lot of time to talk, and there’s a lot you don’t know.”

Hui and Hyunggu exchanged uneasy glances but Yanan simply nodded, before moving to take a seat. “Then explain,” he simply said, his voice short as he stared at Shinwon in a way that made him feel small. Shinwon sighed, before making his way out into the living room to take a seat next to Yanan. 

“Well, the best way to start is from the beginning,” Shinwon began, and then he launched into the story of Purgatory. He told him of how at first Changgu was like a presence he couldn’t rid himself of, but that neither of them could leave the other and of how they’d come to rely on each other. He told him about the argument and Changgu’s sudden confession, and he watched as Yanan’s brows furrowed as he silently began to put the missing pieces together. When explained whatever relationship had blossomed, Yanan only nodded. Shinwon couldn’t tell what was going on in the other’s head, and that was perhaps the scariest part of all. When he finished explaining everything, the room hung in a heavy silence. 

“Well, I guess that explains it, then,” Yanan said quietly,

“What?”

“When you got back. You were happy to see us, but you were grieving. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before,” Yanan shook his head, “I said so many cruel things and I didn’t realize how much they stung. Still… why tell me now? You’re back, aren’t you?”

“Well,” Shinwon took a deep breath. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him now, and when he met Hyunggu’s eyes, he saw the realization wash over the other. He lifted a hand to his mouth, his eyes wide, but he said nothing because it wasn’t his story to tell. “When I got back, I was seeing his memories instead of dreaming. I went to ask Hongjoong about it because he’s the most versed in dark magic. I was sure it was a product of the spell that I had to cast to get out of Purgatory, but I think it was more than that. He hadn’t seen anything like it before, but when I left… I didn’t head straight home. I was sick of being cooped up for so long and I wanted to just wander and have time to myself, but instead I lost control. Someone injured themself and it was close enough to me that I moved before I realized what was doing. I almost killed them and I would have if it weren’t for the fact that Hongseok was there to tear me away. But that person? It doesn’t make any sense, but it was Changgu. He’s alive.”

“I don’t understand… not even a vampire can survive getting his heart ripped out,” Hui began, his brows knitting together in confusion. 

“You think I don’t know that? I watched him die, but now he’s back, and that’s not all. He’s a human. I think he got back shortly after we opened the portal, but he didn’t have any memory. When I fed on him, I saw his entire fucking life flash before my eyes, and when he woke up, he rememered everything. He’s alive.”

“Oh, Shinwon,” Hyunggu’s voice was soft as he rested a hand on his shoulder.

“He wanted to leave but… I thought I lost him…” Shinwon blinked back tears, leaning into Hyunggu’s touch. “I know he’s done more than his share of damage, but I couldn’t bear to watch him walk away.” 

“So what are you saying, then?” Yanan’s brows were furrowed and he stared at Shinwon with an expression that he couldn’t quite read.

“I… whatever happened between me and Changgu in Purgatory should have ended when he died, but whatever I felt for him didn’t just go away. He’s the only one who knows what I went through when I was there. If it weren’t for him, I would have died there. He’s back and I can’t just pretend nothing happened, and I can’t bear to watch him walk away. I… I need him, Yanan. I need him as much as I need you and as much as I need Hui and Hyunggu. I don’t want to drag him into everyone’s lives and mess things up, though.” 

Hyunggu nodded silently and Hui ran a hand through his hair with a heavy sigh. Yanan continued to just stare at him and the weight of his gaze was almost suffocating. “I don’t know Shinwon. You just got back to us and he was who took you away in the first place. You say he changed, but none of us have seen it. He’s already caused you so much pain. I don’t wanna watch him hurt you more than he already has,” he finally said after a long moment, shaking his head as he stared at the floor. “I love you and I know I can’t just ask you to change the way you feel, but are you really sure anything is going to work?”

“No, I’m not sure,” Shinwon began, laughing weakly before he met Yanan’s eyes, “but how will I know whether or not it’ll work if I don’t at least try?”

“Okay,” Yanan said. His voice was quiet and his expression was pained and it broke Shinwon’s heart. He’d never intended for his life to become so complicated, yet here he was. “Okay,” he repeated, his voice more firm this time as he met Shinwon’s eyes, “but if he does anything to hurt you, I’ll kill him.” 

Shinwon nodded, before turning to look at Hui and Hyunggu. He hadn’t expected Yanan to be so calm about it, but he supposed that the other was doing a good job at hiding whatever storm of emotions was brewing inside of him for the moment. Hui and Hyunggu, on the other hand, were like open books. They both stared at him with bittersweet expressions before Hui reached out to give Hyunggu a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. 

“I can feel how much you care for him as clear as day, and I’m thankful that he was able to get you back home to us,” Hyunggu began. From his tone, Shinwon could tell that that wasn’t the end, that it wouldn’t be that simple. “But I’m going to need time, okay? It’s one thing hearing about how you were there for each other in Purgatory, but having to see him in person? I don’t care if you visit him or anything like that, but being around him is hard for me. Even if you say he’s changed, I haven’t seen it myself. You know what he did, and you saw it through his memories too. Your happiness is important to me, and if having him be a part of your life will help you, then who am I to deny it?” 

“We’ll always love you, but I’m with Hyunggu. Do what you need to, but I’d prefer it if you don’t invite him over. At least not until we both have time to adjust to him. He used to be one of my best friends, and I’m sure I can mend what was broken, but it’s a lot. It’ll take time, okay?” 

“Okay,” Shinwon’s voice cracked as he tried to blink away tears. He’d always been honest and true to who he was and how he felt, but it’d never hurt so much before. He needed Changgu, but seeing the heartbreak in everybody else’s eyes made him wonder if there was any way things would work out between them. Yanan was right, he had absolutely no idea how he would figure any of it out. He knew it and he knew that it was a terrible idea, but his life seemed to be made up of impulse choices and terrible ideas so he couldn’t bring himself to worry about the what if’s. Only time would tell, and as much as seeing the worry on the others’ faces pained him, the idea of watching Changgu walk away pained him even more. Maybe he didn’t deserve a third chance at life, but he’d gotten one and Shinwon didn’t want to let it go to waste. It didn’t matter how much pain the other had caused for him, because he’d also been through more than his fair share of it. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. 

“Shinwon, you don’t have to apologize. Especially for the people you care for-“ Hyunggu began to speak, but Shinwon shook his head.

“No, it’s not even just that,” he sighed. “It’s… I feel like everything’s been a mess since I moved here. It’s been what, a year and a half, since I moved here and nothing’s gone right since. If he hadn’t seen me here, he wouldn’t have started terrorizing everyone again and I wouldn’t have found out I was a witch and I wouldn’t have gotten pulled into Purgatory for half a year and-“

“None of that is your fault,” Hui interjected. He’d crossed the room while Shinwon had been babbling, reaching up to grip onto his shoulders tightly. “I need you to take that idea and get it out of your head right now because none of this is your fault, and it doesn’t matter who caused what because you’re here now and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.” 

“Maybe things have been crazy, but they’d have been crazy if you weren’t here too. That’s just how life is, y’know? And for the record, if you hadn’t found out you were a witch, we wouldn’t have spent all that time together or fallen for each other. I’ll take you as you are now, rather than not at all,” Yanan’s voice was firm as he stared at Shinwon. 

“Okay,” Shinwon said, nodding slowly. He reached up to give Hui’s hand a gentle squeeze. 

“Hey. It’s okay to be stressed and afraid and I know that we can only do so much to reassure you, but that’s what we’re here for, okay? None of us are going anywhere, Shinwon. We’re here, and we won’t let things get bad again, alright?” Hui’s eyes were warm and he smiled up at Shinwon with such a genuine expression that it made his chest feel tight. 

“Alright,” Shinwon nodded. “Yanan?” He looked past Hui to meet the other’s eyes.

“Hm?”

“Stay for a while? It’s been ages since I’ve gotten to be around you. I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Yanan breathed, nodding as he moved across the room to wrap his arms around both Hui and Shinwon. “I’ll stay for now, but I have to leave pretty early in the morning, okay?”

“Okay,” Shinwon nodded, leaning into his touch. His embrace was warm and although he could still smell his blood, it was less overwhelming. He wasn’t sure if he had Changgu’s blood flowing through his system to thank for that, or if he was simply beginning to adjust, but he was grateful either way. 

“Hey, make some room. If we’re having a group hug you can’t leave me out,” Hyunggu laughed softly, pushing under Hui and Yanan’s arms so that he was in the middle of everybody. He looked up at Shinwon with a determined expression. “You don’t have to always have everything figured out, you know? You have time and you should take as long as you need to figure out what’s best for you, okay? I’ll stick with you no matter what.” 

“Thank you,” Shinwon said, leaning down to rest his forehead against Hyunggu’s. “That goes for you too. All of you. Maybe I’m just the one who got back from Purgatory, but you all matter so much. I don’t want to cause you anymore pain,” he said.

“Don’t worry about us,” Hyunggu said, reaching up to cup Shinwon’s cheek. “There’s so much happening to everybody, and I think we all just need time to adjust. Not just us to Changgu, but you to being back home… and to being a vampire. Changgu to being human, because God only knows how that must feel after centuries of being immortal. MJ and Hongjoong are struggling too. Hongjoong might not be as visible with his struggling, but from the times I’ve talked to him, it’s been easy for me to see. MJ was gone for years and came home to a torn apart family. We’ve all got things going on, and that’s life. Nobody should have to go through any of this alone, so where’s the point in trying to bury it? We’re here to support you just as much as you’re here to support us.”

“I love you, you know? All of you. Thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me when I was gone, and thank you for sticking with me even now. I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.”

“And we don’t know what we’d do without you,” Hui said, laughing softly. “We’ll get through this. _You’ll_ get through this. You’re Ko Shinwon, who went to Purgatory and came back. You’re one of the bravest people I know.”

Shinwon wasn’t sure if he’d use the word brave to describe himself. Determined, maybe, but he was terrified all the time. Before Purgatory, he hadn’t had many fears. Heights, sure, and most animals, but he hadn’t gone through life being afraid at every moment. Purgatory had changed it, and he couldn’t just shed it off. He’d gone every moment there being terrified for his life and worrying about if he could get home or keep Changgu alive, and even if he was home and safe and everyone he cared about was fine, the fear still remained. Hell, when he’d been walking home, he’d kept looking behind him half expecting there to be a hound trailing him. He might have been home, but he wasn’t rid of Purgatory and he wasn’t sure if he ever would be. 

But surrounded by Hui, Hyunggu, and Yanan, Shinwon could nod. He could tell himself that things were okay and that he was brave and strong and that he’d made it that far. He could tell himself that he wasn’t afraid anymore even if it was far from the truth, because the reassurances of the others made it feel almost real. Maybe that was how it’d start, and maybe with time it’d become real. He could only hope that that was the case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, lmk ur thoughts and feelings hehe


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is pretty short also sorry for keeping y’all waiting for so long 😭

Kim Hyojong stared at the assortment of people invading his apartment in confusion. Hyuna had told him that Yanan was coming by because he needed their help, but she  _ hadn’t  _ told him that he’d be accompanied by two witches he barely knew and a vampire who wasn’t a vampire anymore and should have technically been dead. “Well this is certainly unexpected,” he said, surveying the group before him. 

“Changgu. Long time no see,” Hongjoong smiled, and although Hyojong could tell it wasn’t malicious, he still felt put off by the other. Although his magic wasn’t as powerful as Hyuna’s had once been or anywhere near the untapped potential that Shinwon had had as a human, he had always been able to feel people’s magic or lack of and the corner of the room that Hongjoong occupied didn’t just feel like a lack of magic; it felt like a lack of anything. Changgu was a completely different story, because he wore a feeling that he shouldn’t have. 

Usually, if Hyojong were to close his eyes, he would be able to tell you who was in the room based off of the energy they omitted or didn’t, but if he were to close his eyes at that moment, it wouldn’t be Changgu’s name coming off his lips. As a vampire, Changgu would have emitted a weaker version of whatever magic he held in his human life ages ago, but that energy was nothing compared to what he held now. Hongjoong felt like a void in the room, but Changgu felt like he was drawing from everyone else’s energy without even realizing it. It’d been the same feeling he’d felt after Yanan had woken Shinwon’s magic. 

What  _ exactly _ had happened in Purgatory.

Everyone’s eyes were on him and he realized that perhaps the other had been brought there for that very reason. After all, Hyojong had always had a knack for figuring out what type of magic people had, whether it came from a simple experiment or feeling out with his senses. He’d been able to feel the dormant energy of Shinwon’s magic before it’d been woken, although he hadn’t been able to decipher much about it until he’d drawn his blood. Healing blood was rare, indeed, and with it typically came a natural affinity to magic. 

“Sit down,” he said simply, locking eyes with Changgu. For a moment the other just stared at him dumbly, but then he seemed to catch up and he moved across the room to take a seat. “I’m gonna grab a few things real quick. Hyuna?” He stared at her and she nodded, moving to follow after him. If he had known what he was in for, he would have told Yanan to bring everybody to the shop instead. Their apartment didn’t have a lot of extra space, so he kept most of his materials in the shop. Still, he was sure he had enough to go off of. When he’d originally tested Shinwon’s blood, who knows how long ago, he’d mainly drawn it because he figured the other would rather his blood drawn than have him come at him with a knife. “You get to try something new today,” he said to Hyuna in a joking tone.

“I was afraid that’s where this was going,” she sighed, but he knew she wouldn’t protest. 

When he returned to the room, he was holding an armful of first aid supplies and a knife. Everybody in the room exchanged uneasy glances, but said nothing as Hyojong plopped on the couch next to Changgu and grabbed his arm, wiping it down with an alcohol wipe. If he was going to slice his arm open, he might as well be sanitary about it. “This’ll only hurt a bit,” he lied, with a huge grin on his face as he took the knife to Changgu’s skin. The other winced, but other than that, he watched Hyojong with a curious expression. He took the knife then, wiping it off before gesturing for Hyuna to join them. She sighed, offering her arm with a pout as Hyojong moved it across her skin as well. Then, she was dipping her head down and lifting Changgu’s arm to her lips, lapping at the blood. Sure enough, the wound on her arm began to close almost immediately until there was no sign anything had ever happened.

“I don’t understand,” Changgu said quietly, completely unphased by Hyuna as she pulled back, running her tongue along the cut one last time and greedily lapping up the blood that welled up. 

Hyojong shrugged, exchanging a glance with his lover followed by the rest of the room. Then he reached for a glass of water that was partially full. “Catch,” he said, tossing the glass in Changgu’s direction before giving anybody time to react to his words. Two things happened then. First, the room erupted into a course of shouts and protests, seconds too late as the glass had already left Hyojong’s fingertips. Second, the water turned to ice in the glass as Changgu dove to catch it. He landed on his stomach, glass in his hands. 

“Now that’s very interesting,” Hyojong said with a hum as he walked over to the other, kneeling down to look at the glass. The water had frozen as it’d been flying out of the cup, and as Changgu handed Hyojong the glass, the water sloshed back into it as if it’d never been frozen in the first place. “You,” he turned to face Hongjoong, “tell me about your little spell? Did you know this would happen?”

“I had no idea,” Hongjoong said evenly. His gaze was neutral and Hyojong could tell he was being honest. “I’ll admit that there were a lot of details I didn’t know about the spell. All I knew were the steps required, and that it was our ticket home. It was a powerful spell, sure, but it shouldn’t have drained Shinwon the way it did and it certainly shouldn’t have resurrected Changgu. He had to be killed in order for the spell to work, so why would it bring him back?”

“How  _ exactly  _ did you even know the spell would work? It’s not like people just jump between dimensions regularly…”

“Ah, but not only was I in Purgatory for a long time, much of my work has been dedicated to researching it. That was how I ended up trapped there in the first place. On top of that, my magic is just as dark as Purgatory. The… habitants of that place were less inclined to eat me because of that. They saw me as one of them and as such, they willingly communicated with me.”

“Those things could talk?” Changgu cut Hongjoong off, staring at him incredulously, but he just nodded.

“Not in any language you would understand. The things there, they have their own way of speaking. I’d spent enough time studying that place that it was easy to learn how to speak to them,” Hongjoong said before turning to face Hyojong again. “If you wanna know what I think happened, I don’t think Changgu being alive is a product of the spell Shinwon cast to get us out. I think that, without knowing it, Shinwon forced the last bit of his magic into Changgu.”

“Hm, that would explain why he feels like Shinwon then,” Hyojong said, frowning. “Still, bringing people back to life is almost impossible. On top of that, that would mean that not only did he bring him back, but he also got him out of there. If Shinwon’s responsible, then why didn’t Changgu pop up in the same place as you guys?”

“I… I don’t know, but what does it matter? Shinwon’s back, isn’t he? Changgu somehow is human now, but he’s alive.”

“I don’t like unknowns like that,” Hyojong shook his head. “I guess there’s only so much we can figure out on our own, and although I can buy into Shinwon sacrificing the rest of his magic to save Changgu, I don’t think him being here has to do with that magic. What if there’s something at play that we don’t understand?” 

Hongjoong crossed his arms, “I don’t know. Most of my life, I’ve been messing with things I don’t understand so that I could understand them, so I guess I’ll do what I always do. I’ll deal with it if it presents a problem, but right now, I don’t see why we should worry.” 

“Well,” Hyojong sighed, clapping his hands together, “if that’s all you needed from me, I won’t hold you all back any longer.” The rest of the room looked around, frowns clear on their faces. He knew Hongjoong was honest, but there was a certain carelessness about how he’d regarded the situation that unnerved him. Add to that the fact that he’d apparently been talking to demons while he was in Purgatory, and Hyojong wasn’t sure what to make of him. For a moment, everyone was quiet, standing there as if unsure of what to do, but eventually they all started filing out until the last one in the room was the witch, San.

“I know he doesn’t seem like he’s trying, but he is. Just give him time, okay?”

“Okay,” Hyojong said slowly, “but if you guys find out any information, no matter how useless it might seem, I wanna know about it. I’m just trying to protect my friends and the people they care about.”

“So are we,” San sighed, shaking his head before leaving the room, the door swinging shut behind him. 

“That was…” Hyuna trailed off with a frown.

“Tense? I know. I think everybody’s just been on edge lately, and I don’t blame them.”

“It’s been one thing after another. I just hope that Shinwon’s been able to rest. It doesn’t matter how well equipped he thinks he is, you don’t just adjust to being turned overnight.” 

“You did, didn’t you?”

Hyuna sighed, shaking her head before meeting Hyojong’s eyes. “That was different,” she said. “You know that was different.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, comments are greatly appreciated !! :)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writer’s block has been kicking my ass lately and this chapter is mostly self indulgent smut but take it anyways

A week had passed since Hyojong had called Shinwon, telling him that Changgu was chock full of his magic. It made sense, in hindsight. He’d been so focused on getting used to the abilities and heightened senses that came with being a vampire that he hadn’t even noticed the fact that whatever magic had once been in his body was now gone. Now that he was aware of it, though, it was all he could think about. Although he hadn’t known he was a witch long enough to muster full control over his magic, it was like there was a void in his chest where it’d once been. He couldn’t even be mad about it because whether it was intentional or not, it was his own doing. He’d been so stricken at the sight of Changgu’s heart in his hands that he’d funneled every last ounce of magic into making sure he could have another chance. 

And now that he had another chance, they were avoiding each other.

Changgu hadn’t tried to drop by his house yet—although that was probably a good thing because he wasn’t sure how Hui or Hyunggu would take it—and the handful of times Shinwon had tried going to Hongseok’s to check up on Changgu, the other was conveniently out for the day. Then again, he was able to be out during the day with an ease that he hadn’t felt in centuries. It must have been strange to him. After so many years of having to stick to the night or protect himself in layers and enchanted sunscreen, he was able to walk around in the daylight and bask in the warmth of the sun. 

Although Shinwon had practically been nocturnal as a human, he still found himself missing the sun. He missed just being able to walk out the door without having to worry about his skin slowly melting off. It didn’t matter if Hui and Hyunggu had told him countless times that the sun would just give him a bad sunburn, he was still thoroughly convinced that if he stood under its rays for long enough, he’d burst into flames. 

Yanan had started coming over more frequently though, and Hui and Hyunggu had stopped pushing their ‘be careful’ agenda. Being around him was still a challenge, but it was manageable. He’d missed the other and every time he came over, they’d talk about nothing for hours on end or fall asleep tangled in each other. Yanan didn’t tiptoe around Shinwon like the others did. He made him feel like he was still human, and for that Shinwon loved him. 

As much as he loved Hui and Hyunggu, they didn’t always know what he needed. They’d stick with him through thick and thin and they would do everything in their power to help him, but Yanan didn’t even have to try. He just knew exactly what Shinwon needed and when. Sometimes he’d come over with a book and just silently sit in the room and his very presence was enough to soothe him; other times they’d be wrapped up in each other before he could even say hello. 

Hui and Hyunggu were worriers and Shinwon was a bit of an empath. They’d hover around him and be a little too attentive to the point that he’d just end up stressed. He hadn’t been this irritable as a human, but it was like every little thing set him on edge, and every ‘have you eaten?’ or ‘have you rested?’ slowly chipped away at his sanity. 

“Shinwon, you’re spiraling,” Hyunggu’s voice shook him out of his daze. They were sitting in the greenhouse, lit only by the moonlight. Hyunggu had been humming to himself as he wandered through the small building, checking on the plants. Shinwon had honestly forgotten it was there, and he could count the amount of times he’d been in there on one hand. He’d gone in there a couple of times during the day back when he’d first moved in, curious about the place, but plants had never been his thing and he’d gotten distracted easily; the last time he’d been in there was a rainy night long before Purgatory had happened.

He remembered it clearly because he’d followed Hyunggu in there only for the sky to open up overhead as soon as they were both inside. They’d giggled as the rain had streamed across the roof and as lightning had lit up everything outside, and it had also ended up being the first time that Shinwon had taken Hyunggu. They’d chased each other through the rows of plants, laughing at the roar of thunder, when Hyunggu had tripped, pulling him down with him. 

In hindsight, it’d probably been intentional because Hyunggu wasn’t clumsy, and Shinwon had quickly noticed since being turned that he was able to move with an ease he never had before. It had been awkward as hell, because unlike the time Hyunggu had taken him, they didn’t have any lube, and the only furniture was a wicker bench. There’d been a couple of times that they’d both nearly jumped out of their skin from a particularly loud rumble of thunder, but in the end, it’d still been worth it. 

It was remembering times like then that helped bring Shinwon back to earth. So much had changed since the last time they’d been in the greenhouse together, but the one thing that remained the same was how much they cared for each other. 

“I’m just thinking,” Shinwon said, meeting Hyunggu’s eyes.

“What are you thinking about?” Hyunggu asked, although from the knowing look in his eyes, Shinwon was almost positive that the other knew exactly where his mind had wandered to.

“The last time we were here. The rainstorm. The way you kept laughing the whole time we were stuck in here,” Shinwon said, his voice soft.

“It’s been a while, hm?”

It had. Even though nobody expected him to readjust to being home right away, it’d been nearly three weeks since he’d returned from Purgatory. Sure he’d been with Changgu in that place, but with the exception of a few make out sessions with Yanan, he hadn’t really been with anybody since getting home. It wasn’t so much that he was feeling pent up as much as he missed the simplicity of it all. He missed the vulnerability and the way his worries would melt away just like that because he had a person and he wanted that person to feel as good as he did. 

“I miss you,” Shinwon simply said.

“I miss you too.” Hyunggu stared at him from the other side of the greenhouse with a small smile, and the yearning in that smile was enough to push Shinwon to his feet. 

He still wasn’t accustomed to his strength or speed because other than the day he’d gone rampaging through the woods and almost killed Changgu, he’d been hesitant to test out his abilities. He knew everyone around him was plenty strong and could handle him accidentally using too much strength, but if he was honest, he was more worried about breaking something. 

In that moment, it didn’t matter; it didn’t matter that everything he did still felt foreign even though his body was the same as before. When he was standing in front of Hyunggu in a matter of seconds, the other was already looking up at him expectantly, a soft smile on his face. When he closed the distance between them, he felt a jolt go through his spine. 

Hyunggu was a good kisser, and Shinwon thought he had done plenty with him, but he was apparently wrong. Whatever this was, it was completely new. Shinwon wasn’t sure if it was because his senses were completely revamped or because Hyunggu had been holding back before, but he suspected it might have been a combo of the two. 

Hyunggu’s lips were dizzying on his and as he kissed him back Shinwon decided that that was it: if he could spend the rest of his existence standing in that greenhouse, tangled in Hyunggu’s arms, he would die a happy man. A fang grazed against Shinwon’s lip and he sighed at the feeling. His own mouth was sore from the subconscious effort to keep his own fangs at bay, but he realized that it didn’t matter anymore. For the first time, they were equal in strength.

Hyunggu pulled back, staring at Shinwon with dark eyes as his tongue darted out to lick his lips. Shinwon didn’t miss the way his eyes darted from his own to his neck. “Go ahead,” he said quickly. He’d rested plenty, and it didn’t matter if Hyunggu took some from him, because he could just as easily take some back. 

Hyunggu was on him in an instant, his fangs piercing through flesh as if it were nothing. The effect of the venom was immediate and overpowering. It had felt good as a human, but it had also done much to subdue him and his senses, numbing everything else. Now, though, it made everything feel that much more. The moon was brighter, the wind was louder, and the dueling sounds of his and Hyunggu’s heartbeats were overwhelming. 

The venom felt electric in his veins and his skin felt alive under Hyunggu’s touch. Without waiting for Hyunggu to pull back from his neck, Shinwon was reaching for his wrist, placing a soft kiss on the smooth skin before he sank his fangs in. If the venom was overwhelming, then Hyunggu’s blood was pure bliss. He felt the other moan against his neck as he kept drinking, and he was vaguely aware of them both dropping to their knees as they gripped onto each other. Every part of Shinwon was screaming  _ more, more, more _ , but when Hyunggu pulled away from his neck, he took that as his cue to pull apart from his wrist. 

For a moment they kneeled there, tangled in each other’s arms on the floor of the greenhouse as they stared at each other in wonder.  _ I want him, I’ve missed him _ . Although Shinwon couldn’t agree more, they weren’t his own thoughts. He stared at Hyunggu in confusion. “It’s because we drank from each other at the sa—“

“I don’t care,” Shinwon sighed, shaking his head as he cupped Hyunggu’s jaw and kissed him again. Hyunggu moaned into the kiss, but wrapped his arms around Shinwon, gripping onto his hips as he pressed them closer. “Please tell me you’re more prepared this time,” Shinwon said in a low whisper, his lips grazing Hyunggu’s.

“In the counter by the bench,” was Hyunggu’s reply.

Shinwon moved across the room quickly, reaching into the drawer of a counter that was covered in pots of herbs. Sure enough, amongst various gardening supplies was a bottle of lube and a handful of condoms. Shinwon couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation, but at least Hyunggu had the foresight to realize that the greenhouse did make for a nice scene. 

Hyunggu was already pulling at his clothes with a recklessness that told Shinwon that he wasn’t playing around tonight. By the time he crossed the greenhouse again, Hyunggu was completely undressed. In the glow of the moonlight, he looked beautiful. Shinwon stood there for a moment, wondering how long Hyunggu would let him just stare at him. His cheeks were flushed and he was already half hard; Shinwon would have believed him to be an angel if it weren’t for the fact that his eyes were pools of black. He could’ve sworn that he saw the stars in those eyes, and the jarring part was that his own probably looked the same. 

Wordlessly, Hyunggu took the wrapper and the bottle from Shinwon’s hands, setting them off to the side before he pulled at the hem of Shinwon’s shirt. It was an awkward motion and Hyunggu had to stand on his toes as he pulled the shirt over Shinwon’s shoulders; they both laughed softly as he tossed it to the side before dropping to his knees and fiddling with the buttons of Shinwon’s pants.

Shinwon sighed at the feeling of cool air washing over his skin, and he bit back a soft gasp when Hyunggu dipped down and placed a delicate kiss on the head of his cock. “Tease,” he muttered, watching as Hyunggu rose to his feet again. 

“Maybe so. What are you gonna do about it?”

It was a challenge, and Shinwon knew it but he rose to it anyways. He reached for the bottle. “Turn around,” he said. He was already coating his fingers with lube, watching Hyunggu as he grinned before turning and bracing his hands on a counter covered in violets and lavender. 

Shinwon made his way over to him, placing a kiss on his back and gripping onto his hip with one of his hands as he teased his rim with the other. “Your fingers are cold,” Hyunggu whined.

“That’s what you’re here for,” Shinwon said, smiling against Hyunggu’s back as he slid a finger in. He began moving quickly, knowing full well that the other had no patience for being stretched slowly and delicately. Whatever had happened when they fed from each other still hadn’t worn off and his mind was filled with an endless  _ more, more, more _ from Hyunggu. It was funny how quickly the tables had turned, and Shinwon relished in being the one in control, even if Hyunggu could just as easily flip the situation if he wanted to. 

He made quick work of stretching Hyunggu open, adding a second finger and then a third as he pumped them and scissored them inside of him. Hyunggu moaned in front of him and Shinwon began leaving kisses along his shoulder blades, waiting until the other would give him the cue that he was ready. 

It came soon enough. “Please fuck me already,” Hyunggu said, his words caught in a moan as Shinwon pumped his fingers in one last time. 

“Okay, but not here. Over there,” he said, pointing his finger to one of the glass walls of the building. Most the walls were lined with shelves or counters but there were a couple small spaces that weren’t, and the idea of holding Hyunggu against the window as he fucked him was too enticing to get out of his mind.

Hyunggu’s eyes darted to where Shinwon was pointing and a slow smile spread across his lips. “I like the way you think,” he said, and then he was pulling Shinwon with him to the window. 

Shinwon wasted no time in tearing open the wrapper and rolling the condom on, and then he was turning to face Hyunggu. He’d never tried fucking someone standing up before, mostly because his upper body strength was practically nonexistent as a human. Now, however? He picked Hyunggu up almost effortlessly, pressing his back against the glass as he moved to line himself up. Hyunggu wrapped his arms around his shoulders and his ankles around his back, leaning in and pressing a slow kiss against his neck. 

“Shinwon?”

“Hm?” He’d lined up and was teasing at his entrance now.

“When you fuck me, I want you to feed from me again. I’ll tell you if I need you to stop.”

Shinwon pressed in with a curse. Those words off of Hyunggu’s mouth were too much for his mind to wrap around at that moment and Hyunggu was so warm and tight around him that he almost came right then. He gave him a moment to adjust before he started moving. He’d feed on him, no doubt, but he needed to build a rhythm first because he’d never tried multitasking like that before. There was a first time for everything though, and what better time than the present. 

Hyunggu adjusted his grip on him, letting out a soft moan. Every sound he made was like music to Shinwon’s ears and he couldn’t help but stare at the way his lips parted. He leaned in, kissing him as he kept moving, running his tongue along his lips before pushing it inside. Hyunggu sighed into the kiss, pushing back just as hard, before pulling back with a gasp as Shinwon brushed against his prostate. “There— don’t stop,” he said, his words barely intelligible as he moaned against him. 

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Shinwon said, his lips pulling into a smirk as he continued to rock his hips up. He leaned in pressing slow kisses against Hyunggu’s jaw and then his neck as he searched for the perfect place to sink his fangs in. When he found the right spot, he lapped at the skin slowly with his tongue, Hyunggu’s only warning before his fangs pierced his flesh for the second time that night. 

The babble of thoughts that’d been streaming into his mind from Hyunggu went blank for a moment, and then as his blood began to fill Shinwon’s mouth, he began to hear his name. His venom in Hyunggu’s system was enough to make the other a complete mess in his arms; it was like Shinwon was the only thing left. He knew that feeling well. It was what he’d felt every time he’d been with him—or Hui, or Changgu. That feeling was as intoxicating as it was dangerous, but it was too precious to let go. 

Hyunggu’s blood was almost like a blessing for Shinwon. He’d been approaching the edge too quickly, but as the other’s blood began to fill him, it helped take some of the edge off and bring him back to earth. He was still pretty damn close, but hopefully he’d be able to get Hyunggu to finish first. Hyunggu, whose hand was tangled in his hair, pulling on it while keeping his face pressed firmly to his neck. Hyunggu, who was naked and completely exposed as he let Shinwon take him against a glass wall. 

Shinwon reached a hand between them as he kept Hyunggu supported against the wall with his other, wrapping it around him and beginning to stroke. His skin was hot under his touch and his cock was dripping with precum. “Shit, Shinwon—I think I’m gonna—“ his words broke into a gasp as his entire body tensed. He let out a moan as Shinwon kept thrusting into him, and then he was clenching around him as he came. 

Shinwon tore himself off of his neck just in time to see how Hyunggu’s head leaned back, his eyelids fluttering shut as he moaned, and he could feel the coil in his stomach tightening until it was unbearable. He was so close that it was dizzying.

His ears picked up a branch snapping outside.

He looked past Hyunggu’s pretty face, past the fogging up glass, eyes catching on a figure in their driveway. A very familiar figure, and one who was looking right at him. “Hyunggu—“

“I don’t care, finish what you started—“ Hyunggu said, reaching for his chin and pulling him into a kiss. The force and the roughness of that kiss was the final push he needed, and everything melted away as his legs tensed. It only took a few more thrusts for everything to boil over until he was clinging to Hyunggu as he came with a gasp. He kissed Hyunggu’s neck as he rode out the waves of pleasure that shot through him, but his eyes were on the figure outside; the figure who had moved away from the driveway and was now standing on the opposite side of the glass, staring at Shinwon and Hyunggu with a blank expression and not an ounce of shame.

“Hyunggu—“

“He’s right behind me isn’t he…”

“Yup,” Shinwon said, pulling out of Hyunggu and gently setting him down. 

“So much for having you to myself,” he said, pouting. Still, Shinwon could feel the remnants of whatever had happened when they fed from each other. Hyunggu wasn’t mad and he wasn’t even slightly embarrassed. Mostly, he was just exasperated. 

“I’ll see what he wants. You don’t have to wait up for me, okay?”

“Okay,” Hyunggu said, before standing on his toes and giving Shinwon a soft kiss on the cheek. Then he was moving back through the shelves of the greenhouse, reaching for a towel to wipe himself down with and then pulling on his discarded clothes. 

With a sigh, Shinwon turned, pulling off his condom and tying it before tossing it in the wastebasket. He only bothered to pull on his pants, and then he was turning and walking back towards the entrance of the greenhouse and towards the man who waited outside. “You ghost me for days, and then you show up without warning at the most inconvenient time. Unbelievable.”

“I can go if you want—“

“No,” Shinwon reached out, grabbing Changgu’s wrist before he could turn and walk away. “Stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, comments are appreciated!!! pls lmk all the thoughts and feelings or yell at me on twt @mcshinwon


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